


The Cape

by talentedgemx



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Family, Feelings, Fluff, Future Fic, Idiots in Love, Intimacy, Love, Lust, Making Out, NSFW, Regret, Sexual Tension, Tension, multi-chapter, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-07-28 21:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16249940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talentedgemx/pseuds/talentedgemx
Summary: Set in the future, Charity and Vanessa search their feelings and decisions have to be made about where to go with their relationship, with quite a few twists and turns hitting them along the way. This is in honour of it currently being Vanityfest, so I gift it one big, long, angsty Vanity fanfic. Two more chapters to come :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vanityfest](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Vanityfest).



Charity leaned back against the wall as her head pressed heavily into the brick, her eyes falling closed and she breathed slowly, in and out as she tried to calm the rapid beating beneath her ribs.

 

"What's up with you?" Chas asked as she came across her, coming out of the kitchen on her way back to the bar.

 

"Nothing," Charity replied far too quickly, her eyes snapping open as she pushed herself from the wall. "Just..." she started quietly after clocking her cousins accusatory glare. "You know..." she gestured in front of her with her hand. "...Having a moment."

 

"Right," Chas nodded sceptically, her arms folding loosely over her chest and then she nodded toward the bar. "Nothing to do with your ex celebrating her engagement in there, then?"

 

Charity crashed out a breath as she rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Leave it, Chas," she instructed before she stalked into the back room.

 

Chas was quick to follow her, though. "No I won't leave it," she said closing the door once she'd followed Charity through it, turning abruptly with an 'I told you so' written all over her face. "You said you were okay with it. You said you were happy for them."

 

"I am!" Charity announced with vigour, her hands bracing on the kitchen counter top and her back firmly facing her cousin. It wasn't the happy couple annoying her, of course, it was everyone else who was causing a problem. Everyone else who looked at her with _that_ expression; the pity expression. The look of how sorry they were that Vanessa had moved on and found someone else. It was that she couldn't stand. She closed her eyes and sighed out loud. " _Happy_ for them," she carried on much quieter this time.

 

"Really? Are you?" Chas clearly knowing it all for the elaborate charade it was in the first place, the questions striking Charity like the bullets Chas intended. "Because you don't seem it. You seem like you're actually jealous as hell."

 

Charity's head dropped, her eyes remaining closed. She _was_ happy for them, that wasn't a lie. Happy for Vanessa anyway, Amanda she didn't care a jot about. She could fall head first into the river and Charity wouldn't bat an eyelid, but Vanessa would. Vanessa would miss _her_ in the way that she didn't miss Charity anymore, and that did hurt.

 

Vanessa used to miss her, Charity knew that with certainty. She knew because of all the missed opportunities they'd had over the last two years since the breakup, the way Vanessa used to look at her like she held the key to the world, if only she would show Vanessa how to find the lock. But she didn't. She'd waited and then waited some more for reasons she didn't quite know herself. If only she'd said something, _anything_ , on any number of occasions but she hadn't, and now all she was left with, was _this_.

 

"Please, Chas," she tried, holding it all in like she had ever since that day two years ago. It hurt but, Vanessa was happy so she was happy, and that's all she had to keep telling herself. "I just need a moment, okay?"

 

Chas loved Charity fiercely, of course she did. She was family, and none of them had it easy when they were growing up, or since for that matter. After what happened with Bails and Grace well, their bond had never been so strong. They had actually learned to talk to each other back then, even learned to lean on each other and after the break up Chas had truly discovered what Vanessa meant to her, when Charity came apart one night over a bottle of whiskey and told her.

 

Chas' heart bled for her cousin, but sometimes she really did need telling. "Well you're not getting one!" she fired back with a hard edge to her tone. It made Charity roll her eyes again as she swung around and wrapped her arms around her middle. "It was your idea to have it here," Chas continued, defiant and with her hands getting rather animated out in front of her. " _Ecstatic_ , you were, over the moon that she'd moved on, found somebody new who was nice and proper and _good_ for her."

 

"I _know_ ," Charity snapped bitterly, not appreciating the kindly reminder Chas was providing her with. Her over-compensating really got carried away with itself, that day. This wasn't the first time either over the last two years that Charity had to suffer similar berating lectures over her and Vanessa.

 

" _Come and celebrate at the pub_ ," Chas carried on, doing her best impersonation of her cousin when they were originally told about the engagement. " _First round of drinks on the house_."

 

"Yeah, sorry about that," Charity sighed, her eyes floating somewhere just above the floor.

 

Chas sighed too, both exasperated and annoyed in equal measure. "I don't care about the drinks."

 

Charity scoffed. "That's a first-"

 

"-I care about you, you muppet!"

 

"Well what was I supposed to say?" Charity asked with a step forward, her eyes wide and her palms outstretched at her sides.

 

Chas just blinked. "The truth?"

 

Charity glared at her then, her expression turning quickly dangerous and screaming that she didn't want to go there, again. She took a breath though, and managed to stay relatively calm as her hands clenched into fists and then released, again. "I am happy for them," she said slowly. "That _is_ the truth." She held Chas' gaze for a moment longer before she walked past her and toward the door.

 

"Charity-"

 

"-No, Chas," Charity interrupted as she turned, one hand on the door handle and her other palm in the air as if trying to bat down everything she knew her cousin wanted to throw at her. "It's done, yeah?"

 

"She loves you-"

 

" _Loved_ ," Charity corrected as her eyes flashed and a snarl appeared on her lips. "Past tense, obviously, or she wouldn't be marrying someone else."

 

Chas looked like she was going to protest so Charity beat her to it, having had this conversation with so many people she was actually pretty sick of it.

 

"No, she's moved on and so have I, actually," she said as she thought over the few people she'd been with over the last two years. Not many, but some; Charity wasn't a nun after all and she never would be. She glanced at Chas rather indignantly as she opened the door before slipping through it. "So should you."

 

Chas shook her head as she watched her cousin go. She had tried everything over the last few years to get the pair of them to talk about things properly but it seemed like Charity really had given up, now. Maybe she had a while ago in actual fact, Chas considered as she pushed out a long breath. Maybe it really was done and maybe she needed to accept that, like Charity said. She arched an eyebrow and then followed Charity out into the bar nevertheless, not liking it one bit.

 

**

 

Vanessa laughed heartily, her chest expanding as she chuckled fondly, the alcohol firmly taking a hold of her. She was sitting in a booth with her family all around her, comfortably in her fiancé's lap with warm, strong arms wrapped all snug around her waist. The Prosecco was going down well, everyone enjoying the celebrations so far and so Vanessa took another generous mouthful from her umpteenth glass of wine. The conversation had strayed to how Vanessa had been persuaded to give Amanda a second go, after their first date was such a cataclysmic disaster.

 

Amanda tucked her head over Vanessa's shoulder. "Well I'm glad you changed your mind," she smiled, pressing a chaste kiss against Vanessa's neck.

 

Vanessa's face scrunched up in a frown. "Just glad?"

 

Amanda squeezed her a little harder as everyone around the table giggled. "Very glad," she corrected.

 

It seemed to placate Vanessa enough for her to drop the pout. She put her glass back down on the table and reached a hand back to cup Amanda's cheek, a smile fixing itself on her lips. "Well I weren't about to say no to you was I?"

 

"You'd have been daft if you did!" Tracy cut in from across the table, the couple not really paying attention though as the background chatter in the pub was loud enough to muffle her out.

 

Vanessa just grinned as she turned her head to the side, Amanda leaning forward to give her a quick kiss on the lips.

 

"Alright," Tracy drawled with a roll of her eyes, her voice too loud to ignore this time. She ushered her wine glass in their direction and pointed at them. "Think we've seen enough of you two sucking face today to last us a lifetime."

 

"D'you blame me?" Amanda gushed as they parted, her hands folding together over Vanessa's stomach. "Look at her! And she's all mine."

 

Behind the bar Charity finished off glass of wine number four of the last hour in a single mouthful. She turned her back on the bar as she went for another refill, Debbie eyeing her wearily as she had been all afternoon, her eyes darting swiftly between the happy couple and her mother.

 

Joe finished his pint and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "Right I've got to go," he said with a raised eyebrow, observing Charity as she pottered about rather loudly behind the bar. "She alright?"

 

"What do you think?" Debbie scoffed as Charity walked to the far end of the bar and engaged the lads there in idle chitchat.

 

Joe's eyebrows stayed raised. "Well at least she's hiding it well."

 

"Mmmm," Debbie muttered in response. "Isn't she just." She went to move but Joe put his hand on her arm stopping her.

 

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" he asked quietly as he leaned into her side. "She won't appreciate another lecture."

 

Debbie exhaled hotly but she didn't move, her attention dropping to the bar as her teeth pulled at her bottom lip.

 

Joe glanced over at Charity now deep in conversation with the two guys at the end of the bar. Friend's of Amanda's who he'd met briefly earlier. He was surprised by how well Charity was acting, to be fair, as she really did seem fine with everything. She wasn't even overtly flirting with the guys, which was her general MO, engagement party or not. "You know, maybe she really is over her."

 

"No," Debbie shook her head. "She's pretending. This'll be eating her up will this."

 

"Yes, well," he said as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Sometimes people just aren't meant to be. I'll see you later."

 

As Joe left Debbie swept her gaze across the bar. "Yeah right," she murmured, unconvinced. She didn't want to accept it because she knew how much her mother loved Vanessa, even now, as much as she might deny it. Debbie had tried many times to get them back together but Charity always thwarted it, for a reason she _still_ didn't know. It was ridiculous. Her mother _was_ ridiculous and so Debbie finished her drink and then moved behind the bar.

 

Charity turned as she heard footsteps behind her. When she saw Debbie she narrowed her eyes at her. "Err where're you going?"

 

Debbie fixed her with a glare. "Find Chas."

 

"Why?"

 

"I need to talk to her."

 

"About what?"

 

"None of your business." They stared at each other for a good few moments, Charity's arms folding over her chest as Debbie's closed in at her sides. Eventually Debbie spoke again. "Where is she?"

 

Charity raised her chin as she tried to figure out what was going on. Debbie was an expert at a blank expression, not giving anything away at all and if it didn't annoy her so much, Charity would be proud of how well she worked it. She angled her head toward the back. "Kitchen I think."

 

"Right." Debbie held her gaze for a moment longer before she dropped it and then walked into the back.

 

**

 

"Okay," Vanessa said, finishing off her drink and then getting to her feet. Amanda having excused herself to the bathroom a minute since. "My round, is it?"

 

"No!" Frank said quickly, startling everyone into noticing there was only Charity currently serving behind the bar. "Don't be silly," he smiled with a light chuckle, softening his tone somewhat. "It's your engagement, you don't need to pay for any drinks."

 

"Dad," Vanessa began with a sigh as if he was talking nonsense. "There's cash behind the bar. It was just a figure of speech."

 

"Ah," he gasped, trying not to seem like he really didn't want her going to the bar.

 

"Well you don't need to fetch them," Megan offered, jumping to his rescue.

 

"Yeah," Tracy smiled, getting to her feet as she glared at Megan. "Let us fetch them."

 

Megan moved to stand but Vanessa gestured for them both to sit down. "Don't be daft," she smiled, pushing her sister down by her shoulder. "I'm already up."

 

Frank decided to give up the pretence. "Maybe uhm, wait for Chas to come back? Marlon, Victoria..." he shrugged. "Anyone."

 

Vanessa glanced over her shoulder and saw Charity standing there, talking to the same guys she'd been talking to for the last God knew how long. She groaned as she turned back to the table. "Oh for God's sake, we are allowed to talk to each other, you know."

 

"Yeah but," Megan began with a grimace. "Today might not be the best day. Don't want to rub it in, you know what she's like."

 

Vanessa glared at her in frustration. "Yes I do know what she's like, thank you very much." More than everyone else in the room put together, she managed not to say. "Kind, caring, compassionate, and happy for me, actually."

 

None of them believed that last bit, and their eyes shone with it.

 

"She is," Vanessa pressed. "Why else would she ask us to have the party here?"

 

"Glutton for punishment," Frank muttered.

 

"Look," Vanessa huffed. "We're both adults and we're both fine with how things are, okay?"

 

The eyes around the table turned a little sympathetic so Vanessa carried on before anyone could offer their opinion.

 

"Besides, I need to talk to her about Moses don't I?" and then she turned and approached the bar.

 

She coughed when she got there, unconsciously straightening her top and smiling when Charity turned to her. She ignored the way her chest fluttered when their eyes met, just as she had done for the last two years. It had been that way ever since their first kiss in the cellar and Vanessa had resigned herself to the fact that it was something that would just never go away. She was okay with it, just as she was okay with knowing that she would always care deeply about her. It made Vanessa feel warm and safe and every time she found herself fixed in those expressive green eyes, she knew she would always be cared for, too.

 

"Hey," Vanessa said, a little breathlessly. She put it down to the alcohol.

 

"Hey," Charity returned, coming to a stop and grasping onto the pump that was between them.

 

Vanessa's eyes moved away a little too slowly and she nodded at the two guys Charity had been talking to. "Making friends?"

 

Charity glanced behind her even though it was obvious who Vanessa was talking about. "Yeah," she sighed with a shrug. "Who knew there could be interesting accountants in the world. Life really is just full of surprises, isn't it?" she added with a small smirk.

 

Vanessa looked knowingly at her. "Yeah you don't really think that."

 

Charity bit on her lip as she quirked a brow. "No I really don't," she said as her lips curled up at the edges. "Never could hide anything from you."

 

Vanessa angled her chin up as she leaned on the bar. "No Rebecca?"

 

"Oh she's somewhere," Charity answered, falling into the easy banter that was commonplace between them. "Keep having to check the cellar for her," she grinned widely, "dodgy lock again."

 

"Still? You need to get that fixed."

 

"Mmm," Charity hummed, skipping over how sentimental she got when she thought about that lock. "Got herself locked down there the other day didn't she, dozy mare. Was six hours before anyone noticed."

 

"Six hours?" Vanessa laughed, and it made Charity's chest tingle, just a bit.

 

"Same again?" Charity asked quickly changing the subject, reminding herself that Vanessa's laugh wasn't hers to indulge in, not anymore. Not for two years, actually. She swallowed as she reached for new glasses and it scratched at the back of her throat.

 

"Please," Vanessa smiled. "I wanted to talk to you about Moses' birthday party, actually."

 

"Oh?"

 

"Yeah. Johnny's got loads of ideas."

 

Charity couldn't help but smile, at that. "I bet he has."

 

Vanessa's gaze dropped to Charity's hands as she served the drinks. "I was thinking we could get together to discuss it, maybe get Johnny involved too, if that's okay?" It wasn't until Charity spoke that Vanessa realised where she was looking and she blinked a few times, pulling her eyes away quickly.

 

Charity's attention though was on the drinks and when she looked over their eyes met again. "Course it is, why wouldn't it be?"

 

Vanessa shook her head. "Just checking."

 

"Those two are joined at the hip, babe. Johnny can plan all of it if he likes."

 

Vanessa smiled fondly, thankful beyond words that Charity still cherished her bond with Johnny. There were a lot of things she regretted about her breakup with Charity, but one of the biggest was how it affected her son. They were so close, Vanessa often thinking he fell in love with Charity even quicker than she did and the amount he asked after her at first absolutely broke Vanessa's heart. It was excruciating, the way he'd cried when Charity suddenly wasn't there to give him a goodnight kiss and tuck him in at night. It hurt her to think about it even now and she pushed it away with a quiver in her chest.

 

"Great," Vanessa said, not being able to help the little thrill she felt when Charity called her 'babe', despite the memory. She ignored it as she always did. Charity called everyone babe, after all.

 

"Maybe later though yeh?" Charity added as she placed the last drink down on the bar, her head tilting toward Vanessa's table. "I think you're being missed."

 

Vanessa glanced over and found four pairs of eyes staring at them. "Oh right," she breathed, taking her weight off the bar. "Later then."

 

Charity hooked her thumbs into her back pockets. "Yeah," she murmured, used by now to Amanda's questioning glare whenever she looked at her.

 

Tracey was over in an instant putting an end to their easy banter and Charity was quickly on the defensive. She took an unconscious step back.

 

"C'mon, Vee," Tracy breezed, her grin more powerful than a ten kilowatt bulb. "Amanda's missing you over there."

 

Vanessa didn't say anything, and just picked up two of the drinks.

 

"She's got legs, hasn't she?" Charity quipped, not being able to help herself. Her shoulders went back and she adopted her usual slow grin and flippant expression.

 

Tracy looked at her. "Yeah, and so has Vanessa," she said with a smile she didn't feel. She'd assumed with her sister getting engaged to someone else the whole 'will they, won't they' saga between them would finally end and all the longing sighs and stolen glances would officially stop. Tracy definitely wasn't convinced.

 

Charity's eyes darted to Vanessa's table and saw the other three pairs quickly avert themselves, Amanda's lingering on her for just a moment longer and it made Charity scoff. She sighed as she turned on her heel, heading into the back and nearing ploughing straight through Rebecca as she did.

 

"Oh, finally!" Charity huffed, loud enough to be heard outside before she barged past her and disappeared.

 

Rebecca's eyes grew wide. "Have I missed something?" she asked, a thumb hitched over her shoulder at Charity's retreating form.

 

Vanessa and Tracy shrugged, trying to organise five glasses between the two of them as Rebecca moved to serve someone else, Charity's outburst quickly forgotten.

 

"Everything okay?" Tracy asked Vanessa casually, her voice low and with more than a hint of concern.

 

Vanessa was concentrating on trying to pick up a third glass, her little hands not quite managing it, though. "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

 

Tracy tossed her a sympathetic look. "It's okay you know, if you're not."

 

Vanessa gave up on the glass and furrowed her brow. "Tracy," she started with a confused grin. "I'm fine, more than fine, actually. It's my engagement party. I'm celebrating with my family and friends." She turned back to the glasses. "It's an amazing day."

 

Tracy inclined her head. "In your ex's pub."

 

Vanessa sighed, long and hard. People had been treading on eggshells about this for the past few days, ever since the hastily arranged party was announced. "Why does everyone think this is a huge problem?" she asked airily, a slight chuckle evident in her tone. "Honestly, it seems like me and Charity are the only people who don't have a problem with today."

 

"Okay," Tracy said, not believing her at all. She couldn't comprehend that there wasn't a part of Vanessa, however small that wasn't bothered about today. If only because of how much Charity seemed unfazed by the significance of it. "I do remember what you said though, about marrying Charity-"

 

"Alright," Vanessa cut in, her eyes doing a quick reccy as she leaned into Tracy's side. "Keep your voice down," she whispered.

 

"I just mean I would understand if seeing her in here would make you a bit..." and then Tracy made a vague gesture with her hand. "Emotional."

 

Vanessa pulled in a breath as she tried _not_ to remember that conversation quite so vividly. "Well," she sighed, pushing it back down. "It's over, isn't it, and it's not like we broke up yesterday." She nodded a little as her eyes glazed over and she bit on her bottom lip. "And if she's big enough to offer to have the party here then I'm big enough to be here, celebrating, and not dwelling on the past."

 

Tracy's smile was tight-lipped and she wrapped an arm around her sister's shoulders, giving her a little squeeze. "Onwards and upwards, yeah?"

 

Vanessa exhaled softly. She wasn't sure there was an upwards from Charity, not from that kind of depth of feeling. Only sideways, really, at a push. No one would ever top the way Charity made her feel.

 

"Yeah," she sighed with a resigned smile and then they picked up the glasses and headed back over to their table.

 

**

 

Precisely three bottles of Prosecco later Vanessa was back at the bar with Tracy, both of them chatting away with Rebecca rather animatedly about engagement rings, Chas and Debbie to their either sides and Charity nowhere to be seen.

 

"Now you see," Rebecca pondered, her hand leaning against the bar as she gazed off a little into the distance. "If I were ever to get married I'd want a diamond, or three of them. Clustered together in a gold band and no gold plated rubbish either. Real gold."

 

"Not that she's thought it through or anything," Debbie muttered as she sipped from her wine.

 

Rebecca looked at her. "Of course it wouldn't bother you," she said with narrowed eyes. "We can't all snare a multi-millionaire. I'd want the whole ring made of diamonds if he was mine."

 

Debbie scowled at her. "Oh is that right?"

 

Rebecca nodded. "Yes."

 

"Not that the ring is the most important thing," Chas interjected quickly.

 

"Exactly," Tracy offered. "The most important thing is the man," she smiled. "Or woman," she hastened to add.

 

"Yes anyone who doesn't cheat is a plus," Rebecca grinned with a look in Tracy's direction.

 

Chas scoffed. "Good luck finding one of those."

 

"Ladies, ladies..." Vanessa said as she held up her hands in a placating gesture. "There will be no arguments at my engagement thank you."

 

"Yes, Rebecca, pipe down," Chas threw in, earning an offended look in response.

 

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "It's miraculous it hasn't kicked off already. Where is Charity?" she asked, glancing around and causing the others to stop and stare at her. It made Rebecca pause. "What?"

 

"She's taking a break," Chas responded firmly, her eyes widening a little. "Is that okay with you?"

 

"Fine," Rebecca shrugged, not really understanding why she was being glared at. Her eyes then fell to Vanessa's hand which distracted her completely. "Let's have a look then," she grinned widely, subject now very much changed. "I've not seen it up close."

 

Vanessa's face lit up as she thrust her hand in Rebecca's face, her ring finger wiggling for emphasis.

 

"Aww," Rebecca cooed. "It's beautiful."

 

"It really is," Tracy echoed, mirroring her sister's expression.

 

Chas was leaning in too but Debbie just watched from where she stood, leaning against the bar.

 

"It's not quite a ring jammed full of diamonds but I love it," Vanessa sighed as she took her hand back, admiring it out in front of her.

 

"It's gorgeous," Chas admitted from over Vanessa's shoulder, a twinge tugging hard in her chest.

 

Vanessa's phone then rang pulling her attention from the moment. She took it from her pocket and looked down at the display. It was Amanda. "Oh," Vanessa said with a slight frown. "I've gotta take this." She answered it as she headed for the back door.

 

Chas pushed out a breath and stepped behind the bar to stand next to Rebecca. She was happy for Vanessa but she wasn't, as well. Or perhaps she was just sad for her cousin. Her stupid, stubborn, fool of a cousin. "Such a shame," she murmured to herself, noticing Tracy and Debbie chattering away to each other.

 

Rebecca cocked her head to the side. "It's not really though, is it?" she asked no one in particular.

 

"What?" Chas raised an eyebrow as she looked at her.

 

"Beautiful."

 

Chas frowned at her.

 

"I mean it is, of course it is. If you like small engagement rings-"

 

"-What are you on about?" Chas huffed, her hands finding out her hips.

 

"Vanessa's ring," Rebecca answered, as if she was talking to someone innately stupid. "I'll always prefer the one Charity bought her though."

 

Chas' eyes tripled in size.

 

"Of course the real shame is that she never got the chance to ask her-"

 

"-Glasses!" Chas blurted out, almost making herself fall over in the process. Everyone in the near vicinity turned to look at her, Debbie and Tracy included. "Glasses, Rebecca," she continued with a cough, plastering on her best innocent expression as her eyes fell on Debbie whose expression stated that she clearly heard the whole exchange. "Go, go. Now!" She shuffled Rebecca out from behind the bar and practically threw her at the nearest table.

 

"Err, what did she just say?" Tracy asked, her brow raised and her head following Rebecca as she walked from table to table.

 

"Nothing," Chas smiled, and Debbie shook her head. Chas' heartbeat stepping up a good few notches.

 

"I didn't hear anything," Debbie offered quickly.

 

Tracy frowned as her eyes narrowed, her mind searching through the alcohol haze to recall Rebecca's words. "Something about a ring and, Char-"

 

"Charlie," Chas finished for her with quite a panicked glare coming from Debbie. "Yeah erm, Charlie. Uncle Charlie."

 

Tracy shook her head. "No, she didn't say anything about an Uncle."

 

"Well she wouldn't," Chas continued, desperately grasping at straws. "'Cuz he's not _her_ Uncle."

 

Debbie rolled her eyes and flicked a palm out. "She means that Rebecca was referring to _our_ Uncle Charlie. It was his ring Rebecca was on about."

 

Tracy turned from Debbie back to Chas, still confused.

 

"That's right," Chas breathed, blinking a few times and scratching at the side of her neck awkwardly. "Big, beautiful diamond ring he proposed to his wife with-"

 

"Auntie..." Debbie's eyes darted to the side. "Temperance."

 

Chas threw her a look but then nodded. "Right, yeah," she agreed, waving a hand in the air dismissively. "Been in the family generations."

 

Tracy glanced at Debbie, still frowning.

 

"Generations," Debbie echoed, downing the rest of her wine.

 

"Showed her a photo of it the other week," Chas said, nodding in Rebecca's direction. "Not shut up about it since."

 

A tiny smirk played at the corner of Tracy's mouth, her head beginning to nod slowly. "Is that right?"

 

"Mm," Chas gasped, hoping to God this would be the end of it.

 

Tracy leaned forwards on the bar. "So err, if I went and asked Aaron about this Uncle Charlie and his amazing engagement ring, he'd know what the hell I was on about, would he?"

 

Chas bit on her lip and shifted her gaze to Debbie who just stared at her empty wineglass, her fingertips lightly tapping against it. Luckily for them both Vanessa came charging back into the pub and thumped her phone down on the bar.

 

"You alright, sis?" Tracy asked, Vanessa leaning forwards against the bar and into Tracy's side.

 

"Amanda's at the house on a conference call."

 

"What?" Tracy asked quickly. "During her engagement party?"

 

"It's a Saturday night," Chas cut in, Tracy arching a brow at her making her quickly shut up.

 

"Yeah well, something about a possible fraud I don't know," Vanessa sighed, waving her hand and nodding toward the wine bottle behind the bar. "She'll be back when she's finished."

 

Chas took the hint and grabbed the bottle, pouring Vanessa a fresh glass before refilling Tracy's and Debbie's.

 

"When'll that be?" Tracy continued, her pitch high and annoyed that Amanda could miss her own party.

 

"Who knows," Vanessa grumbled as she picked up her glass and plastered on a big smile. "Doesn't mean we can't have fun though does it?"

 

Chas and Debbie shared a sneaky look. Perhaps there was trouble in paradise after all.

 

**

 

Charity gazed up at the night sky; it was a beautiful summers evening and the air was still, the stars semi-visible and the pub car park dashed with a deep, dusky charcoal mist. One of the two outside lights had been broken for ages, and each time Charity was out here at night, usually while emptying the bins she reminded herself to get it fixed but the thought never quite stayed with her once back inside. She liked it though, the space by the back door drenched with light which filtered out and disintegrated into darkness three or four paces out. Where she stood she was half in and half out, her head leaning back against the wall as she enjoyed the peace and quiet, a stark contrast to what was going on inside.

 

Her umpteenth glass of wine hung loosely in her hand at her side, not quite interested in it now she was outside breathing in lung-full's of fresh air. Her mind was muddled and the alcohol was helping to ease it, kind of, or at least make things _seem_ easier than they were. She wasn't drunk though, and Charity didn't think there was enough wine in the world for her to be able to drink this night away without consequence. Without it killing yet another part of her.

 

She always thought there would be time, see. Time to get things back to how they used to be. Time for Vanessa to come back to her, sort of, or at least that's how she always imagined it to be. Back when she had hope.

 

Charity scoffed at herself and lifted the glass up in front of her, staring at its half empty contents and she frowned disparagingly. Although she wasn't drunk she felt a little glazed over. A little fuzzy around the edges and she thought perhaps that maybe it was really over, now. Maybe this was really it, and maybe Vanessa really wasn't coming back, just like she had told Chas and Debs and whoever else had looked at her with _that_ expression ever since they'd split up. It was done with, she had told them, and now it really was.

 

Charity shook her head, forced the emotion away from her eyes and drank another mouthful of wine.

 

"There you are," a familiar voice came from the doorway and Charity's heart quickly started to thump in her chest. She swallowed harshly and then turned her head to see Vanessa bathed in light just a few metres from her. "Thought you'd disappeared," Vanessa continued, Charity hearing the smile in her tone as well as seeing it across her lips. She was cheerful and why shouldn't she be? It was her night, after all.

 

"Nope," Charity murmured as she gazed at her, a shrug coming to her shoulders a beat too late. "Still here," she smiled slowly, trying to focus her thoughts on something other than how great Vanessa looked. Not that is was a surprise. Vanessa _always_ looked amazing.

 

Vanessa gazed back at her too, for a moment and if she noticed how much Charity's smile didn't reach her eyes she didn't comment on it, and Charity was grateful. Vanessa nodded as her hands slid down into her front pockets. "What're you doing out here?"

 

It was small talk, and Charity hated small talk and she knew Vanessa knew that. But then again Charity didn't ever really hate anything when it came to Vanessa so... and she knew Vanessa knew that too.

 

Charity sucked it a big breath and let it out slowly as she turned her attention back on the empty car park. "Oh you know," she said as she circled her glass in the space in front of her. "Getting some air, shooting the breeze. Taking in the sights, that kind of thing."

 

Vanessa chewed on her lip momentarily. "Not avoiding me then?" she asked after a good few seconds.

 

Charity scoffed and immediately glanced back at her but then she stopped. Vanessa looked nervous, anxious even for Charity's answer and it made the void inside her chest seem not as vast, all of a sudden. It was as if Vanessa didn't know beyond a shadow of a doubt what Charity's answer would be and her heart ached because she knew that feeling very well. The feeling of losing something so precious and never getting it back again. Ever.

 

Charity leaned her head back into the wall, again. "No, Ness," she replied softly; genuinely. "I'd never avoid you."

 

They held each other's gaze for a minute or so that felt like much longer, Vanessa feeling relieved because she'd thought, regardless of what she'd told her sister, that she and Charity had drifted further apart over the last couple of weeks. She was starting to think that maybe Charity no longer felt that connection between them anymore, the one that had stayed strong even though they were apart. That unbreakable bond that Vanessa _really_ couldn't live without but all of a sudden she could see that it was still there, reflected right back at her clear as day in tender green eyes.

 

"Good," Vanessa breathed as the relief washed over her. The fluttering in her chest relaxing but only for a moment before her heart started to flutter over something else. She swallowed and she realised she felt nervous. "Because you cancelled the boys' last two play dates so I uhm, kinda thought you were." It wasn't like Vanessa to leave something alone, after all.

 

Charity grimaced a little, that burrowing pang below her ribs reverberating through her. The one that grew and hurt and throbbed the way it did when she thought about these things too intensely. It had been two years and they hadn't let it affect Moses and Johnny, as much as was feasible anyway. They couldn't spend every day and night together but they had sleepovers a lot. Had play dates on the weekends and especially during the holidays, like they were now. Only Charity _had_ let _this_ affect them. The announcement of Vanessa's engagement. Her chest panged again.

 

Charity could do it before because then Amanda was only _temporary_. Just someone else, just another girlfriend. Just someone she was seeing like Charity had 'seen' Hector and Steve and Felicity, however briefly they each had lasted. Amanda had gone from being a distraction to a girlfriend and now a _replacement_. A permanent replacement and Charity didn't know how to deal with that. So instead she had let the boys suffer and Charity _hated_ herself for it, but it was the only thing she knew how to do. Self preservation.

 

Only now Vanessa was looking at her as if she knew all this, like she could see right through her just like always and so Charity knew there was no point in denying it. This conversation had the look of being an honest one so she sighed as she gave in. Not that she could ever lie to Vanessa, anyway.

 

Charity tipped her head back and lolled it in Vanessa's direction, her eyes soft and revealing in that way they never were with anyone else. "You know it wasn't you I was avoiding, Vanessa," she started quietly, her voice a low tone full of sincerity. Vanessa nodded minutely, those blue eyes suddenly altogether sad and it made Charity's heart _ache_. She pushed herself off the wall and took a few steps closer to Vanessa, her shoulder leaning back into it as she stopped, still a healthy distance between them, though. "But it wasn't fair on the boys, I know that," she added resolutely, her voice becoming stronger. "So it won't happen again. The next play date will happen, I promise."

 

Vanessa nodded, her lips pulling into a thin line. "Good," she said airily before her brow furrowed. "Because Johnny misses Moses." She nodded again and Charity followed suit, her green eyes blinking a good few times and then Vanessa's voice lost all of its edge. "He misses you, too."

 

Charity looked at her and she felt it, square in the chest like a ten inch blade and her eyes glazed over as her throat constricted, letting out a choked, strangled sound as her eyes shot skyward. It was hard to stop, the depths of her own guilt and that was the problem when Charity started being honest with Vanessa. It was why she usually stopped the conversation long before this point but it was too late now. Far too late for many things, really. "Don't, Ness," she said as her chest hiccupped and she pulled herself away from the wall again, walking back toward the darkness. "This is hard enough."

 

It made Vanessa pause for a moment, her feet instinctively following Charity along the wall as her stomach sank and her whole body rushed at seeing Charity upset. Her brow creased and face scrunched up a little at the intensity of her reaction. "What is..? she started but then couldn't finish because it was stupid, really, to even ask. Even though Charity acted happy for her it had to hurt a least a little. Vanessa knew if Charity was the one getting married it would absolutely rip her heart out, regardless of how long they'd been apart. Just because it was _her_.

 

Charity threw her a look like it was obvious and was quick to avert her eyes again. She couldn't look at her right then, not when Vanessa's eyes were curious and probing and after the secrets her soul held. Charity shook her head. She couldn't, she was getting too emotional and it was always dangerous when she got too emotional.

 

Suddenly though, Vanessa was at a loss as to what to say. What was there, really? Charity might be upset but, it had been two years of being apart, of moving on and forming a certain kind of liveable friendship that worked. They were close but, nothing more, and it wasn't as if Vanessa hadn't _tried_. She had more than tried, back then and so she shrugged a shoulder and really was rather surprised. "I thought you were okay with... me and Amanda?"

 

"Oh I am," Charity responded a little too quickly, trying to chase the emotion away. "Totally fine."

 

Vanessa frowned again. "Well then," she said with a scoff and then she sighed, refusing to walk on eggshells. "Charity, we needn't have had the party here. I thought when you offered-"

 

"-It doesn't matter, Ness, okay?" Charity snapped, sensing the pity and not wanting even a slice of it. She was frustrated with herself for being open. For letting herself feel these things. It was all done, after all. Long ago. She gestured rather vehemently in the air with her near empty wine glass. "You've moved on. I've moved on. I've just had one too many glasses of wine, that's all."

 

Vanessa watched her closely and then nodded. She knew the woman in front of her well, of course. Far too well and she knew how much she was hurting regardless of how much she was hiding it, or drowning it in wine. It didn't mean Charity regretted anything, though. She'd had two years to say something, if she wanted to. Two years to get things back on track but she hadn't though, so that was that. Charity never did anything unless she really wanted to so she hadn't wanted Vanessa back. Still didn't, even if she was a little bit jealous now. Vanessa had Amanda and Charity had, what's his name, so anything else was inconsequential.

 

"Where is he then?" Vanessa asked as she felt herself getting worked up again. Charity had no right to be jealous. None at all, not after all this time and if there was a sneer in her tone Vanessa decided to leave it there. She met Charity's questioning glare. "Heck?" she said with a loud click on the 'k'.

 

Charity scoffed and pushed her tongue into the back of one of her canines, glancing down at her glass. She was feeling hollow and she really didn't like it. "Not here," she replied firmly, strengthening that wall in her chest.

 

Vanessa's lips formed a small smirk. "Something more pressing for him to be doing?" She didn't like him, not one bit. Posh, ignorant git with flouncy hair and a far too smug attitude. He was nowhere near good enough for Charity and she wasn't shy about telling anyone who wanted to know, as well as those who didn't. She had a lot of reasons for having such an opinion but she didn't like to think about them too deeply. There was no point, after all, as it wasn't her business.

 

Charity was all set with a quick retort but something stopped her. She didn't want to argue and for some reason, she didn't want to maintain the pretence. She felt a little defeated, in all honesty, and for all the people she could pick a fight with she really didn't want to be fighting with Ness. It hurt her heart just thinking about it.

 

She took a few steps forward and placed her glass down on the nearest bench, her hands finding her pockets as she turned and sighed heavily, her eyes drifting over and finding Vanessa's. "We broke up," she answered softly.

 

Vanessa was taken aback. "Oh," she responded quietly, the fight suddenly draining from her, too. "I'm sorry." She swallowed silently and took in a breath. "When?"

 

Charity shrugged. "Does it matter?" She shook her head and kicked her toe into the ground. She knew Vanessa was waiting for her to continue and for some reason she felt inclined to. "We weren't right. _He_ wasn't right."

 

Vanessa stepped closer to her. "Did he hurt you?" she asked with a sudden fire in her eyes.

 

"No," Charity replied with a tiny smile. Fiery Ness had always been one of her favourites and she honestly missed that protective streak of hers. It was familiar and it warmed her chest a little. She watched as Vanessa visibly relaxed and then she shrugged. "I don't know, we just didn't fit." _He wasn't you,_ her brain offered unhelpfully. _No one will ever be you._

 

Vanessa nodded and then she sucked in a huge breath, pushing it out as a smile crossed her lips. She took half a step back, too. "Oh, well, you'll find someone. You never know," and then she folded her arms over her chest. "Could be just around the corner."

 

Charity looked at her then, long and hard and it lasted a good few moments. "I doubt that."

 

Vanessa pulled a face and shrugged her shoulders so far into the air she almost jumped. "Why?"

 

Charity grinned and had to stop herself from laughing out loud at such an absurd question, like Vanessa didn't already know the _exact_ answer. She glanced away and chuckled sadly, her palm rubbing at the back of her neck.

 

"You could," Vanessa continued, trying to turn the conversation on its head. "Mr or Miss Right could be the next person you meet."

 

Charity gazed at her and marvelled at the effort. She knew Vanessa wasn't being patronising or belittling, that she was actually trying to be hopeful and injecting that level of sunshine she always did into their interaction. Even here, at her own engagement party in an empty beer garden with her grumpy ex, telling her that she could find love again if only she looked hard enough.

 

Charity shook her head though, not at all interested in such a thing. "I'll pass thanks," she answered not unkindly, "if it's all the same to you. Once was enough for me."

 

Vanessa paused for a moment. "What d'you mean?"

 

Charity sighed. She really wished Vanessa would stop asking these questions because the honestly was still intent on coming out. She could just walk off though, she thought. Back into the pub and that would be the end of it but this was her last opportunity, wasn't it? So if she didn't say the words now, when would she? Regardless of how much it would likely hurt.

 

Maybe Charity just enjoyed the pain too much.

 

"You, Ness," she whispered as she took a step forwards, finding and holding Vanessa's gaze head on. Those eyes really were beautiful, she had almost forgotten how much. "You broke my heart," she continued hoarsely, her voice strained and the emotion building behind her eyes. "I'm not gonna go through that again. Why would I?"

 

"What?" Vanessa blinked, rearing up a little. "I broke your...?" She really couldn't believe it and she stammered a little, not being able to get the words out over her bewilderment. "Charity, you broke up with me!"

 

Charity threw her hands up in the air. "Because I couldn't _trust_ you, not because I didn't _love_ you!"

 

They both stopped, Vanessa very quickly aghast with her mouth hanging slightly open, not believing the words she was hearing and Charity more than shocked that she'd actually said them. It was true, though, and Charity's heart stuttered in her chest before it pounded against her ribs again, ten times harder than before as she tried to pander down the panic.

 

She didn't know what to say; make a joke was her default. Divert attention away but then this was the point, wasn't it, honesty and all that and Charity was far too deeply in now to mount a retreat. She heaved in a breath and tried to fake a confidence she really didn't feel, her eyes falling to the ground as she continued.

 

"I never stopped," Charity murmured, and if the night wasn't as still as it was Vanessa may not have even heard it, but she did, and Charity could _feel_ her reaction without being able to see it. After a moment though Charity glanced up, the recognition and acceptance and emotion all clearly displayed on her ex's beautiful, expressive face. It made Charity gasp. "I mean how could I?"

 

Vanessa felt like crying for a vast array of reasons, let alone seeing how the woman in front of her was barely managing to hold it together. She wanted to go to her, hold her, _kiss_ her, even, but she couldn't, and more than anything she wished she could travel back in time. She shook her head a little to pull herself out of it, the little world being created between the two of them where only they existed and they were the only ones who mattered but they weren't. There were others, and not just the phenomenal woman with gorgeous green eyes and blonde hair who used to be the centre of her world. Vanessa used to be able to get lost in those eyes and it had taken an epic effort to _not_ , anymore. It had taken _years_ and she couldn't just fall back into them, no matter how much in that moment she craved to do so.

 

She just couldn't, not on the basis of a five minute conversation, anyhow. She was curious, though, and there were still things she wanted to know.

 

"You never told me that before," Vanessa breathed, an eyebrow slightly arched because there had been a lot of things she didn't know back then. Because Charity stopped talking to her.

 

Charity though was feeling exposed and she couldn't stop her defences from going up, a bit. "No, well," she huffed, "now you know." She turned her back and took a few steps away, her blood running thick with panic because Vanessa wasn't returning her sentiment, was she? Although she wasn't sure what else she expected.

 

"Charity..." Vanessa tried, stepping forwards herself and following her. She was struggling because she was feeling a whole lot of something that she really shouldn't be giving any weight to but she couldn't help it. This was _Charity_ , and if nothing else when Charity hurt, she hurt too. "I..."

 

"Won't she be wondering where you are?"

 

The words sounded cold and it made Vanessa pause mid-step. It was just like Charity to drop a bombshell like that and then try and be rid of it. Vanessa straightened her posture and filled her lungs. "She's on a call with a client," she replied, just as coldly.

 

Charity half turned around. "Oh."

 

"She's at the house, she'll be ages." Vanessa knew at the back of her mind that she shouldn't press this, that she shouldn't go after answers that would only make things more complicated but she was compelled to, and she was in no state to protest. Charity was facing away from her again, once more in the darkness and Vanessa stepped right up to her back. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" she asked, a distant, desperate plea in her tone. Her chest was aching as the tears burned her eyes because if only she _had_ , then things may have turned out very differently and suddenly she felt a little mad, at that. "Why here? Why now?"

 

Charity spun, still on the defensive. "You're the one asking all the questions!" She held an arm out toward the door. "You followed me out here, okay?"

 

As if that was the point? Vanessa glared at her, hard. "You still should've told me!"

 

Charity was getting frustrated. This really wasn't how she ever imagined this conversation would go. Not that she ever actually imagined having it at all, in actual fact. "I tried, didn't I?"

 

Vanessa scoffed. "When?"

 

"I came to the house!" Charity blasted as she took a step forward, a little too close to Vanessa for comfort, actually, but she wasn't going to back down. "I followed you, didn't I? From the pub one night. Only _she_ was already there." The scowl on Charity's face was filled with something close to hate, and regret. _So_ much regret. It lowered her walls, a little. Vanessa just blinked at her, clearly trying to remember what she was talking about.

 

Charity's face scrunched up as she recalled the memory. "At the end of the path, leaning against her car. Waiting for you to go home, obviously. Like I was." Her voice quivered over the words, the pent up emotion making her whole being shiver. Her eyes were full of tears too but she wouldn't let them fall, no matter what she was about to admit because this moment had been it, really, when she'd realised that Vanessa really had gone. "She kissed you, and then you invited her in." Charity was having trouble talking around the lump that had formed in her throat. She felt like she was choking and she chuckled sadly off Vanessa's baffled look. "What was I supposed to do? Knock on the door and interrupt? Tell you I loved you and have you shut it in my face and go to bed with _her_?" She scoffed loudly as she dragged her eyes away.

 

Vanessa closed her eyes as she remembered. She remembered staring after Charity all night in the pub, as was her nightly routine back then, feeling helpless and ignored as the depth of Charity's cold shoulder resonated deeply in her chest. Then she remembered texting Amanda as they'd met up on a few occasions around that time and asked her to come over. A fresh start, or so she had thought. She hadn't even realised Charity had followed her.

 

"That wouldn't have happened," Vanessa responded quietly.

 

Charity though was mad, and as heartbroken at the memory as she was when it happened. "No?!"

 

Vanessa blinked at her, trying to catch her eye. "No."

 

"You chose _her_ , Vanessa. Not me, or us!"

 

"I didn't-"

 

"You moved on, okay?" Charity glared, fiercely and resolutely into Vanessa's eyes where all she found was regret, too, and it made Charity feel actual, physical pain. She stepped off a little, trying to tamper what she was feeling. "So..." and then she shrugged. "So did I."

 

Vanessa struggled to keep the hitching of her chest under control. She felt like breaking because it was all a mess. Such an utter, utter mess as she remembered it all clearly. That had been the night when she'd decided to stop pining and it had also been the night when Charity was finally ready to bear her soul. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt a chasm open up beneath her ribs. She _had_ waited though. She had waited a long time. What else was she supposed to do?

 

Vanessa groaned as she breathed out, her shoulders drooping with the answers she wished she hadn't pursued, now. "That was when you stopped coming round..." she trailed off, thinking at the time that it was just more of Charity's cold shoulder. Her punishment for caring too much.

 

Charity nodded, swallowing back the emotion. "I couldn't go in," she whispered, her voice raw as if it was all happening yesterday. She looked at Vanessa then, sadness folding over both of them. "We used to live there, Ness. _Me_ and you. That God ugly chair I always sat in. That bed, _our_ bed. The one you started sharing with her." She grinned but it hurt, the pain rolling over her in waves. "You think I could walk in there and be fine?"

 

Vanessa breathed out harshly. She felt horrible, awful, but really she was sick of being the villain of the piece. She never intended to hurt Charity, she didn't even know she had felt that way. How was she meant to know Charity had chased her down the street, again? "But you dumped me!" she spluttered, not prepared to take the blame. She hadn't been the one to end it, after all. She hadn't been the one to close up. She had done all the chasing, back then.

 

Charity frowned, quick and ready with her familiar retort. "What other choice did you give me?"

 

Vanessa scoffed but then they both paused, both of them knowing how this usually went. "Are we really having this argument again?"

 

Charity bit on her lip. "Did we ever really finish it?"

 

Vanessa glanced up at the pitch black sky and pushed out a long, weary breath. "I can't remember the amount of times I said I'm sorry-"

 

"-I know," Charity interrupted softly with a gentle nod of her head. _You were an idiot,_ the voice in her head piped up making her groan internally because when that voice got going, it didn't like to stop. _You should've forgiven her sooner,_ and then she started to absently nod her head. _Told her that you were never actually that angry with her. She only ever did things because she cared, after all. Because she loved you so damn much but you punished her, and then you lost her._ Charity closed her eyes, far too used to the turmoil that tormenting voice brought with it.

 

"I know," she said again, more so to herself this time. _You should've told her how much you loved her,_ the voice added, as if Charity didn't already know. _You should've told her what she did didn't matter,_ and that made Charity grit her teeth. _You should tell her now._ She swallowed painfully and felt the dryness scrape against her throat. "You moved on," she accused instead.

 

"I moved on?!" Vanessa repeated, that one angering her no end. She was annoyed and infuriated, Charity's attitude aggravating her as much as it always did, when she was like this. "You did first! You slept with that guy, two weeks after we split."

 

"Once." Charity shrugged.

 

Vanessa scowled at her. "What?!"

 

Charity rolled her eyes. "I slept with him once."

 

"So?" Vanessa spat, her insides churning as much as they did when she first found out. God how much it had hurt. "You still did it! To hurt me! To make me jealous, was that it?"

 

Charity held her palms up as if that much was obvious. "Why else would I do it?! You were seeing that..." and then she circled her hand in the air between them. "What's her name?"

 

"Who?"

 

"That girl you dated."

 

Vanessa's brow deeply furrowed. "Stacy?" Charity just glared at her. "I wasn't seeing her," Vanessa defended, because she wasn't. "Not then. That was after you slept with that guy. Weeks after..." she paused, thinking. "Months, actually!"

 

"Pffft, right." Charity crossed her arms over her chest. "It wasn't months."

 

Vanessa's back was really up, then. She felt an anger stirring in her gut that was making her blood boil. She couldn't believe they were arguing about this, years later, but she wasn't about to let Charity get away with thinking that. It was absurd. "Charity!" she fumed. "I was _not_ seeing her two weeks after we split up. I was bloody _heartbroken!_ "

 

Charity shot her a look that mirrored just as much fury, just as much anger and she was almost shaking with it. It hurt too much, all of it. These memories weren't welcome ones and right then she hated Vanessa for bringing it all back up again. "You don't think I was?! Seeing you with her-"

 

"-I wasn't _with_ her!"

 

"I hated it, okay?!" Charity shouted with so much force Vanessa was certain they'd hear her in Hotton. Charity's eyes were wide and wild and as she spoke she bent forwards a little, gesturing violently at her side with her hand. "Just you talking to her was enough! Talking to anyone! I thought..." and then she frowned at the reasons why she chose to sleep with him and it made her hate herself all the more. "...And I reacted! I _hated_ that you weren't mine anymore, and yeah, it was all _my_ fault, okay?!" She blinked as her eyes changed for a moment, the pain, regret and 'what ifs' rifling through them and it was like Vanessa could latch onto every single one.

 

Charity glanced down quickly before she carried on, her voice thick with emotion as her pitch stuttered over her words. "I know it was me, yeah? I know that it was all, my, _fault_ , Ness, that you didn't want or need me any-"

 

" _-_ I wanted you!" Vanessa cut in, not being able to take it. She'd always wanted her, and she couldn't let another second go by without letting Charity know it. Her heart was in her mouth and the rushing in her veins was making her dizzy but she couldn't hold it in. "God, Charity, how can you think that I... how could you... I've always wanted you," she breathed, about ready to drop down and give in the amount of chaos her emotional state was in. "I've always _needed_ you, I've never needed anyo-"

 

Charity was pressed up against her before she could finish. The soft, familiar feeling of her body suddenly not a distant memory at all. It was real, as were Charity's lips and they moved against hers urgently, Vanessa's hands immediately coming up to press against her jaw just like they had countless times before. Vanessa's urge was to return the kiss, to pull her as close as possible and wrap her whole body around her. To lose her fingers in her hair and absolutely fall apart as Charity kissed her with the fire and ferocity of a million days spent apart.

 

She was already doing it, though. She was already kissing Charity back and she was already pulling Charity's body into hers as her back impacted the wall. She groaned, deep and low and guttural as Charity's tongue swiped across her bottom lip and Vanessa invited her in without a second thought. Vanessa was moving on instinct, on muscle memory and hundreds of fleeting moments flashed through her mind of all the times they had been intimate and God, how Vanessa wanted it again. She wanted _her_ , and when Charity moaned heavily into her mouth, her tongue flicking incessantly against her own and as her fingers inched along the skin of Vanessa's neck, disappearing into her hair the sensations stirring in her gut hit her like a flash flood. Vanessa was gone, lost to her passion and all she could do was react, pull Charity closer and return her kiss with just as much vigour and yearning and _lust_ which was easily on the verge of consuming her.

 

Charity's head was spinning. She had moved before she could stop herself as the overwhelming desire to kiss Vanessa had out-battled any sensible thought that had been running through her mind. She had given in and God how good it felt. How good _she_ felt, just like before but only better because this was now and not just a memory she had on repeat in her head.

 

Vanessa was here and in her arms and every inch of her felt amazing but her lips were causing Charity to overheat. She was burning up, from her head down to her toes because Vanessa was kissing her and touching her and it was everything Charity thought she would never have again. It made her heart thud and her pulse race, her chest jerking as she kissed her with every emotion she had in her being. Every feeling she had ever experienced she poured into the kiss, her hands retracing plains and curves they once knew so well; up the curve of her neck and along the line of her jaw, over the bumps of her ribs and down the arch of her back. Charity felt them over her clothes and Vanessa moaned at every touch, returning her explorations in kind and Charity thought in that moment, she might just cease to exist. It was perfect, and as they pulled away just slightly so their lungs could assault the air, their foreheads rested against each other and it was then that Charity could feel the damp wetness around her eyes.

 

They breathed heavily, their fingers grasping in clothes and hair and neither of them moved. Neither of them wanted to, content to share the same space and breathe the same air. They were pressed together, literally from start to end and the sensations sizzled between them like electricity between rail lines, just as much fervent want as there had always been. Just as much need and as Vanessa tightened her grip a little harder, sliding her hand around Charity's back just a touch further, their eyes fluttered open and Charity couldn't remember the last time she had seen so much desire in those beautiful blue eyes. They radiated it and so Charity dipped her head and collided her eager lips into the column of Vanessa's neck.

 

Vanessa groaned and it was cacophonous. So low and deep it echoed around them which only sent more of a thrill soaring through her. She was _pulsing_ , her limps physically shaking and she bit on her lip so hard she almost drew blood. Her arms moved up to rest along Charity's shoulders and she finally lost her hands in Charity's hair, her fingers finding and pressing into the back of her neck as she felt Charity's tongue began to tease at her skin. It made her shiver and after a moment she tipped her lips toward the shell of Charity's ear and moaned again, sending something like a thunder bolt down Charity's spine and erupting in her core.

 

"Vee...ten minutes you said-" Tracy stopped abruptly as she stepped out of the back door. Her eyes narrowing as she peered into the darkness, a huddle of limbs darting away from each other and erratic, gasping breaths the only sounds she could hear. Tracy took a few more steps as the smile fell from her lips, her sister coming into view dishevelled, out of breath and very quickly decidedly guilt-ridden.

 

Tracy blinked as her back straightened. "What you doing?" she asked and then she noticed Charity looking just as dishevelled behind her, taking great interest in the concrete floor. Tracy's face then became accusatory as Vanessa nervously touched her lips and then ran a shaky hand through her mused hair.

 

"We err..." Vanessa tried, chancing a glance behind her and then back at her sister. "Got talking."

 

Tracy's eyes darted between the two of them, her head shaking as her mind desperately tried to come up with a different explanation for this scenario. All she had though were blanks. "Talking?" she snorted, kicking herself for believing a word Ness had said to her earlier. What she couldn't believe was their absolutely absurd timing and out here, where _anyone_ could've seen them. "Moaning and groping what passes for talking nowadays is it?" Then she threw her hands in the air. "I can't believe you two! Vanessa, this is your _engagement_ party!"

 

It hit Vanessa again then, straight in the chest and the guilt was enormous. It burned, and she could feel it crawling up her throat and she all of a sudden couldn't stand there anymore. "I know," she croaked, and then she powered passed Tracy and disappeared inside the pub.

 

"Vee..." Tracy sighed as she turned and watched her go.

 

"Ness!" Charity called, the only thought in her mind being to follow her. She made it as far as Tracy's shoulder before Tracy grabbed her forearm and stopped her.

 

"What d'you think you're doing?" Tracy asked with narrowed eyes.

 

Charity though wasn't in the mood for anyone interfering. "Nothing," she hissed as she snatched her arm back.

 

"You're going to hurt her, Charity, again! Is that what you really want?"

 

It made Charity pause for a moment, because she didn't want that, of course not. They'd crossed a line now though, and she couldn't let Vanessa walk away from her again. She wouldn't. "Wind your neck in, yeah?" she blasted at Tracy, a scowl heavy on her face before she carried on inside.

 

**

 

Vanessa stormed in through the back door, straight into the living room and into the corridor beyond, the adrenaline keeping her moving although she had no idea where she might end up. She just needed to _go_ , to outpace the chaos in her mind and the emotion consuming her from the inside out. All she could hear was a thudding, heavy under her ribcage and all she could feel were Charity's lips, urgently pressing against her own and the ghost of her long since absent touch against her skin.

 

She stopped in front of the cellar doors, the sensations forcing her eyes shut as her hands clasped behind her neck, forcing out a heavy, choked breath as everything seemed to gather at the back of her throat and behind her eyes.

 

"There you are," Chas' chirpy voice came from behind her. "Was just about to send out a search party."

 

Vanessa sighed as she turned toward her, her head tipped down and her eyes glazed and raw.

 

Chas was immediately concerned. "Are you okay? You look a little, flushed?" Or a lot flushed, Chas thought, and also a lot on edge.

 

Vanessa thought about answering her, they used to get on well, before, still did but of course it wasn't the same since the breakup. She licked her lips as her brow furrowed and as she took a breath Charity appeared in the doorway to the living room, also flushed and rather agitated, Chas noted.

 

The both looked at her and then Chas instantly knew, her eyes suddenly on the alert as Charity looked panicked and Vanessa even more so like she might fall apart.

 

"Oh," Chas breathed softly, as Charity fidgeted not knowing if she should go to Vanessa or not.

 

Charity hadn't been expecting anything, and she certainly hadn't been expecting to confess her feelings to Vanessa like that, or at all, in actual fact. She had been prepared to let Vanessa go, if that's what she wanted, but now they had _this_ and clearly Vanessa wasn't as lost to her as she thought. Because if Vanessa still wanted her, then that changed everything.

 

Charity's throat bobbed as she focused her attention on Vanessa, just as much emotion, uncertainty and _desire_ in those deep blue eyes staring back at her. "Ness..."

 

Tracy appeared at Charity's shoulder forcing whatever she was about to say back down her throat. Both Charity and Vanessa's attention dropped to the floor and Chas' eyes widened, realising exactly must've happened as soon as Tracy caught her eye.

 

"Ohhhhhhh," Chas breathed and then she bit her tongue to stop herself from saying something.

 

Tracy pushed herself around Charity and walked toward the bar.

 

"Trace..." Vanessa croaked, her voice strained and scratchy.

 

Tracy stopped next to Chas and looked pointedly at her sister. "You need to sort this out," she said softly, her palm hovering in the space between them. Then she glanced over at Charity. "Both of you do."

 

The silence hung between them for a moment, Vanessa knowing Tracy was right but not sure if she could be in the same space as Charity right then. Not sure if she was in the right frame of mind for it and Charity couldn't hold anyone's eye contact for long, her limbs still physically shaking from what happened outside.

 

"C'mon, Chas," Tracy finished, nodding her head toward the bar before she walked into it, Chas following a few seconds later.

 

Charity quickly moved to Vanessa's side. "Ness-"

 

"-Don't. Charity, please," Vanessa squeaked, what little composure she had gathered quickly on the retreat. "I don't think I can do this."

 

Charity's heart fell to the floor and her face screamed it. She wasn't about to let this go unfinished. It had to really, one way or the other. They wouldn't be able to put a lid on it anyway, whatever had reignited between them and she knew Vanessa knew it, too.

 

Charity tried to grab control from somewhere. Some semblance of calm. "We need to talk about this," she said quietly at Vanessa's side.

 

Vanessa flicked her eyes to her, suddenly angry and annoyed. "Do we?" she whispered loudly, putting another half step between them. It was just like Charity to act first and talk later. "You want to talk _now_? You've had two years, Charity!"

 

Charity rolled her eyes.

 

"Two years!" Vanessa repeated, her voice like grit as she tried to keep how angry she felt quiet. "And you kiss me now? At my engagement party!"

 

Charity's eyes went wide. "You followed me outside!" she countered, not having that she was to blame for this. Vanessa had kissed her too. Vanessa pulled her close and lost her hands in her hair and moaned as their tongues-

 

"Not for that!" Vanessa retorted sharply.

 

Charity's jaw dropped open. "Well you weren't complaining at the time."

 

"Charity!" Vanessa growled, the annoyance gathering in her chest making her breaths come in short, sharp gasps.

 

"Vanessa!" Charity threw right back, both of them glaring at each other with something that was quickly turning hot and palpable that simmered between them.

 

After a good few moments Charity began to soften, her eyes losing their molten ire and instead her stance eased, her chest ragged for all the wrong reasons. "Ness," she began gently, her eyes sweeping across the floor before they glanced back up. "Please, this isn't helping."

 

Vanessa softened then too, after a second or two and she sighed a little hopelessly.

 

"Tracy's right," Charity continued, her hand reaching out before she snaked a finger slowly around Vanessa's little one. The corner of her mouth twitched up when she didn't pull away. "We need to figure this out."

 

Vanessa knew they had to, she was just finding it hard to get passed the guilt she felt squeezing her heart. It was Charity, though, and it had _always_ been Charity so she nodded minutely, and gazed into those captivating green eyes. "Okay."

 

Charity tugged on her hand. "Alright, meet me in the cellar in ten minutes."

 

"The cellar?" Vanessa repeated incredulously, as Charity let go of her hand.

 

"Yes," Charity replied as she peered into the bar.

 

Vanessa folded her arms. "I'm not sure that's a good idea," she coughed, remembering all the things they used to get up to in that cellar. It made her cheeks flush again, a little.

 

Charity glanced back at her and couldn't help the slow smirk forming across her lips. "Are you saying you can't control yourself around me?"

 

Vanessa held her gaze for a moment before she huffed and looked away.

 

Charity turned to face her. "Babe, where else can we get some privacy?"

 

Vanessa couldn't believe she was going to agree to this. She shook her head, pursed her lips and then quirked an eyebrow at Charity's smug expression.

 

"Ten minutes, yeah?" Charity pressed, and then they stood there for a moment before Vanessa finally relented, nodding her head once as Charity smiled and then reached out to squeeze her fingers gently around Vanessa's wrist.

 

Vanessa sighed, glancing down at the spark that created and then she sucked in a deep breath, pulling out of Charity's grip and walked back into the bar, certain this wasn't going to be a good idea at all.

 

**

 

Vanessa walked out from behind the bar and swiped up the glass of wine Chas had just placed in front of Megan, gulping from it purposefully as she bee-lined for the nearest empty booth.

 

"Everything alright?" Megan asked as she stared after her, Frank turning to her with concern, too.

 

Vanessa put the glass down on the table and sighed heavily. "Peachy," she replied rather breathlessly.

 

"You certain, sweetheart?" Frank asked with a furrowed brow. "You're looking rather...flustered."

 

 _And the rest_ , Vanessa thought with a raised eyebrow, another mouthful of wine disappearing from her glass. She painted on a smile trying best she could to waylay whatever they were thinking. "Course! You know s'just..." she grinned, searching. "I'm excited, aren't I?"

 

"Yeah, engagements can do that," Megan smiled, turning back to Frank who smiled too.

 

"They certainly can," he cooed. "Remember ours, darling? I was the happiest man in the world when you said yes."

 

Vanessa grimaced, draining the rest of her glass while trying to ignore the bemused expressions that were crossing Chas' face. As Megan and Frank started to reminisce Tracy came over from the other side of the bar and took a seat opposite her sister. The look on her face largely unchanged from before.

 

Charity appeared moments later, standing behind Chas and wiping her palms anxiously down her thighs.

 

Chas noticed her and backed up a bit so she was directly in front of her. "Oi," she murmured quietly, still keeping the smile plastered across her face as she poked her cousin with her elbow. "What's going on over there?" she asked with a nod in Vanessa's direction.

 

Charity's nerves were completely getting the better of her and she honestly wished she could know what Tracy and Vanessa were saying. "How should I know?" she replied after a moment.

 

Chas turned and threw her a look. "'Cuz this has got your neb written all over it," she said with a roll of her eyes. "So what happened outside then, eh?"

 

Charity held her cousins gaze for a moment before she sighed exaggeratedly and shook her head. "Nothing, yeah?" she lied through her teeth. "Now just leave it," she told her pointedly, before she went to serve a customer.

 

Chas folded her arms and hummed in disbelief. "Whatever you say."

 

**

 

"We were talking about Moses, that's all," Vanessa huffed, running her hands over her head and tugging a little on her hair in exasperation. She didn't want to think about it, let alone talk about it.

 

Tracy sighed dramatically having given her sister ample time to 'fess up. She widened her eyes and whispered furiously, leaning forwards over the table. "And that's why Charity had you pressed against the wall, was it?"

 

Vanessa's jaw dropped open and she frantically shushed her, glancing around them to see if anyone overheard. "Tracy! Keep your voice down!" Thankfully no one was paying them any attention.

 

"Then tell me what's going on, lady! And don't you lie to me," Tracy added with a pointed finger.

 

Vanessa pushed her palm against her forehead for a moment and groaned uncomfortably before she pulled in a breath. "Okay," she said, her demeanour all of a sudden small. "We kissed."

 

Tracy pulled an exaggerated mocking face and gasped loudly before she rolled her eyes. "I know! I saw you."

 

 _You didn't see all of it_ , Vanessa thought and thanked God for small mercies.

 

"How though?!" Tracy threw at her.

 

Vanessa frowned. "What d'you mean, how? How'd you think?!"

 

Tracy shook her head. "How did it happen? Why now? I mean, you can't have been discussing Moses' party bags one second and then be..." she flicked out a palm, "sucking her face the next!"

 

"Shhhhhhhhhh!" Vanessa hissed as Frank looked over at them.

 

"What are you two whispering about?" he asked, completely oblivious to what was really going on.

 

Tracy smiled at him sweetly but Vanessa couldn't really meet his eyes.

 

"Oh, you know..." Tracy started, twirling the end of her ponytail around her index finger as her gaze fell on Charity for a brief second. She hummed rather sardonically. "Girly stuff," she finished with a fake chuckle.

 

"Wedding stuff," Megan added as she leaned her shoulder into Frank's. "It's all they'll be talking about from now until the big day."

 

Tracy continued her chuckle and pursed her lips together, her dad and Megan getting lost in their own conversation again as her eyes dropped to her increasingly guilty looking sister. "Who kissed who?" she asked sharply.

 

Vanessa couldn't feel much worse. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her and she _really_ didn't need Tracy to be judging her. "We kind of kissed each other," she confessed, and she was wrong. There was a lot of room for her to feel a whole lot worse.

 

Tracy's chest deflated. "Vee..."

 

"I know," Vanessa sighed as she closed her eyes. "I know. It just, happened."

 

Tracy couldn't help but scoff though, at that. "Oh right. D'you know how many times I heard that from David?"

 

Vanessa didn't have to look up, she could feel her sisters glare as it burned a hole in her head.

 

Tracy leaned forwards. "Nothing _just_ happens, Vee. Not unless you want it to."

 

Vanessa just glared at the table, her shoulders slumped forwards and heart heavy as a stone in her chest.

 

"Did you?" Tracy pressed. "Want it to?"

 

Vanessa's eyes searched the space in front of her, upset, confused and more than rather panicked. In the space of half an hour her world had gone sideways all thanks to Charity flaming Dingle, again! She had a habit of doing that, it seemed.

 

"I don't know, Trace," Vanessa murmured, tearfully. The indecision was laced in her tone and then she looked to the side and her gaze fell on the cause of all her turmoil, leaning on the bar and chatting away to customers as if it wasn't tearing her apart, too. Vanessa knew better, though. She knew Charity would be in absolute bits as well. She sighed as her expression softened, somewhat. "I mean its Charity."

 

Tracy's shoulders fell in a little then, her body language softening as she felt for her sister. She could sense that longing radiating from her and she knew she had to support her, no matter how crazy this whole thing was. Vanessa was always a mess when it came to Charity Dingle.

 

"I mean, I didn't even..." Vanessa whispered solemnly, trailing off not knowing the words.

 

"Didn't even know what?" Tracy asked carefully.

 

Vanessa pulled her eyes away from Charity and she shrugged, her lips curling up a little at the edges. "Didn't even know she was an option," she said honestly. "I thought she lost interest ages ago."

 

Tracy smiled to herself and shook her head. It felt like they'd been having the same conversation for the last two years, really. "No, Vee," she said, reaching out across the table to squeeze her sisters hand. "She never lost interest. You two just stopped talking."

 

"Same thing," Vanessa mumbled.

 

"No. It's really not," Tracy asserted. "You stopped talking and started looking elsewhere."

 

Vanessa threw her a look, then. "That's not fair," she protested and had to remind herself to keep her voice low. "You know how hard I tried," she insisted, the emotion stinging her eyes. "She just didn't want me."

 

"So that was her not wanting you outside then, was it?"

 

Vanessa scoffed as she frowned, looking down rather harshly at the tabletop.

 

"From where I was standing it looked pretty much like you both wanted each other," Tracy smiled with a nod of her head.

 

Vanessa was biting down hard on her bottom lip as her eyes fixated on her ring, the fingers of her right hand twisting it around and around. "Well it doesn't matter," she said quietly, pretty much trying to convince herself. "It won't be happening again." She squared her chin and pressed her teeth together, glaring at her sister. "I'm engaged," she informed her, firmly.

 

"Yeah," Tracy agreed. "You are."

 

She couldn't do it, could she? The guilt once again twisted in her gut just as the cold metal twisted around her finger. How could she break Amanda's heart like that? She shook her head. "I can't hurt her..."

 

Tracy went to nod but as she glanced across to Charity she quickly furrowed her brow. "Can't hurt who?"

 

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Amanda!"

 

Tracy felt like slapping her, really, and snatched up her glass of wine concealing her lips behind the rim. "Right, yeah," she muttered, swallowing a generous mouthful as she thought about all the hours she'd spent trying to get Vanessa and Charity to talk to each other honestly since their breakup. It seemed like she was right back there again.

 

Vanessa spread her palms out on the table before her. "I'm over her," she said slowly, like a mantra, trying not to notice Charity moving about behind the bar. "I was over her a long time ago."

 

Tracy just looked at her with wide eyes as she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth, letting it go with quite a loud pop. "Right," she said as she tilted her head sideways, Vanessa's eyes once again wandering over to Charity and they didn't return until Tracy cleared her throat.

 

"Vee... who are you trying to kid?"

 

"What?" Vanessa asked, her attention moving back to Charity who was discretely trying to get her attention, angling her head toward the cellar. Vanessa just sighed and licked her lips. She felt bad, really bad, but she couldn't ignore the way her heart thumped with possibility. The way her body tingled with 'maybes' and how she _ached_ at the idea of Charity wanting her again.

 

Tracy tapped the tip of her finger against the table top and drew Vanessa's gaze back to her. " _If_ you both still have feelings for each other, Ness, you owe it to yourself-"

 

"-We don't!" Vanessa blurted, knowing it was untrue.

 

"Okay," Tracy responded, trying to appease her clearly panicking sister. "But, don't you think you should find out what... _this_ is now, before you're married and settled and then something happens?"

 

Vanessa sighed heavily and pulled her eyes away. She wanted nothing more than to go down into that cellar but she didn't _want_ to want to. She didn't want one heated argument with Charity to send her spinning into turmoil. She didn't want to _want_ her, but she couldn't deny that she did. Even now, after everything. That woman did things to her but she was doing her best to resist it. To resist _her_ because if it didn't work out the first time, then why should it work out a second?

 

"Trust me, okay?" Tracy interrupted her thoughts. "Better hurt her now than five years down the road and you end up cheating on her."

 

"I would _never_ , cheat on Amanda," Vanessa interjected firmly.

 

Tracy's jaw dropped open and she flung her thumb over her shoulder. "You've already snogged Charity out the back after one conversation with her."

 

Vanessa went to argue but there was nothing she could say, was there? She had, and that guilt stabbed at her gut once again. That wasn't her, she didn't do that kind of thing. Once she was committed that was it, and she supposed that was Tracy's point.

 

"Just talk to her," Tracy shrugged. "What harm can it do?"

 

Vanessa scoffed and her eyebrows nearly shot off her forehead. _A lot_ , potentially.

 

"You said it yourself," Tracy carried on, feeling like she was getting somewhere. "You didn't know Charity was an option. What if she is?"

 

Vanessa's heart wanted nothing more, and her body for that matter. Her brain though was a totally different matter. It wasn't just down to that, after all. "Not that simple though, is it?"

 

Tracy smiled and she reached across the table again and squeezed Vanessa's forearm. "No but I know you, big sis. When have you ever wanted simple?"

 

Vanessa offered her a small smile and to Tracy it felt like a victory. Vanessa sucked in a breath and wondered when the hell everything got so messy.

 

Maybe when Charity kissed her in the cellar, all those years ago.

 

"So find out," Tracy suggested, pulling her hand back and sitting up in her seat. "Everything else you can sort out later. If you don't you'll regret it, you know you will."

 

Vanessa knew she was right. Of course she was, and they at least needed to talk about the kiss rather than have it hanging over both of their heads. She looked at Tracy and nodded, pulling her lips into a thin, tight line and pushed out a shallow breath. "You're right."

 

Tracy just smirked. "I know. Full of wisdom, me," she winked.

 

Behind the bar Chas flipped the off nozzle on the lager pump and slapped her hands against her thighs. "Great," she huffed loudly, earning the attention of everyone within two metres of her. "Lager needs changing."

 

"I'll go!" Charity announced without a second thought, running into the back with an incline of her head toward Vanessa on her way.

 

"Blimey," Chas scoffed, staring after her cousins retreating form. "Since when do you offer to do any work?" Charity though was already gone.

 

Tracy raised her eyebrows. "Now's your chance," she whispered across the table.

 

Vanessa glanced around nervously, her heart suddenly all a-flutter in her chest and the idea of actually following Charity downstairs making her shake, quite a bit. She blinked rapidly as she thought who might miss her, and more importantly who might come looking for her.

 

"Don't worry," Tracy smiled as she reached under the table and squeezed Vanessa's knee. "I'll create a distraction, then you go. I'll make sure you're not followed." She was out of her chair before Vanessa could protest.

 

Vanessa's heart-rate picked up considerably and before she knew what was happening Tracy had bumped into Jimmy around the front of the bar and his pint was now all over the floor.

 

"Watch it!" Tracy hollered, everyone turning to look in her direction.

 

"Me?" Jimmy exclaimed. "What about you?!"

 

It made Vanessa chuckle and then she got up, darted behind the bar and paused just outside the cellar doors, gathering her courage and with a final glance back at the chaos kicking off over her shoulder, she slipped through the doors and closed them quietly behind her.

 

**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity and Vanessa attempt to sort things out in the cellar. Angst warning: There's a LOT of angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [VanityFest](http://vanityfest.tumblr.com/).

Vanessa got to the bottom of the stairs and stepped into the open space to find Charity standing just behind the love seat, her left hand leaning on top of it. Vanessa took a deep breath and swiped her tongue across her now dry lips, coughing quietly to announce her presence.

 

Charity spun and glared at her with an expression full of apprehension. "Finally," she gasped, rolling her eyes although it lacked her usual flair. She moved toward Vanessa. "I've been waiting forever."

 

"Hardly," Vanessa muttered, her heart suddenly in her mouth. She folded her arms over her chest at the lack of anything else to do with her hands. Charity was tense and flustered and honestly, Charity was always rather adorable when flustered.

 

They stared at each other for a good few moments and eventually Vanessa sighed, breaking eye contact and fidgeting a little where she stood. She didn't move though, and she didn't want to be the one to initiate the conversation.

 

Charity however, seemed to be doing the same. Her gaze was stronger though, firmer. Looking at Vanessa like it was for the first time in years and perhaps in a sense, it was.

 

Vanessa's chest shuddered as she pushed out a nervous breath. "So...." she ventured softly, urging Charity to at least say something.

 

"So," Charity echoed with a small smile, her eyes altogether too soft and open and it was almost too much for Vanessa to take.

 

Vanessa hadn't been expecting this, though, and it was making her impatient. Although seeing Charity standing there with those eyes and that expression and of all things _those_ clothes, it was cracking Vanessa's resolve altogether.

 

"You're wearing the same thing, you know," Vanessa finally said.

 

Charity blinked and looked down at herself, not really ready for that comment but glad of the distraction nevertheless. This was going to be a heavy conversation and the longer she could put it off the better. She looked back up at Vanessa with a quirked a brow although she fully knew what she was on about.

 

"That first time we were down here," Vanessa clarified, releasing one of her hands so she could gesture at Charity's outfit. "That's what you were wearing."

 

She knew that of course, but it wasn't to get a reaction. It was more for herself; for nostalgia. It was a comfort to her on this day of discomfort, something to steady her when everything around her was unsteady. Charity honestly didn't think Vanessa would notice.

 

"Am I?" Charity asked, doing her best impression of nonplussed.

 

Vanessa smiled and it warmed her. She knew Charity was well aware of it and was obviously trying to hide it. "Yeah," she nodded, deciding not to call Charity out and then she raised her eyebrows. "Always has been one of my favourites."

 

Charity's smile grew although she wasn't sure if she believed her. It still made her chest double in size and feel a bit fuzzy, though, and her shoulders went back as her confidence grew an inch. "Wasn't aware you still had favourites, babe?" she commented softly.

 

Vanessa wanted to say a lot of things. How she had many favourites when it came to Charity; always had. That greyish suit and white top combo just the first. It reminded her of how Charity felt that night, her lips upon her own, the way she had engulfed all of her senses when Vanessa buried her face in Charity's neck, overwhelmed completely by the smell of her perfume and shampoo. It had all happened many times since, of course, but that had been the _very_ first time when Vanessa had lost herself to Charity Dingle.

 

Vanessa swallowed awkwardly as a slight furrow appeared on her brow, her heart heavy in her chest as she felt a sting behind her eyes. She blinked her way out of the memories and then cast a weary look at the woman in front of her.

 

"You kissed me," Vanessa whispered, and the gravity of it was clear in her tone. The thumping of her heart suddenly loud in her ears and hot beneath her skin.

 

Charity jolted a little at the sudden change of pace, the unexpectedness of it deep in her expression. Although it wasn't _that_ unexpected, she knew. It's why they were there after all, not to reminisce over lost times. She straightened her posture and became a little harder, then. "You kissed me back."

 

Vanessa pulled in a breath and shifted her weight. Mentioning the kiss brought it crashing back and she had to work to keep a hold of herself. The gentle press of Charity's lips and firm touch of her fingers again front and centre, the fierce emotion she felt radiate from Charity and how intense it became the longer it went on. It was how Charity always kissed her, hot and heavy and full of sheer, unadulterated _want_. Vanessa didn't realise how much she'd _really_ missed her, until she was trapped between the cool, hard wall and the soft, steady press of Charity's body.

 

"Why?" Vanessa breathed, tears easily in her eyes but she wouldn't let them fall. "Why now, of all days?"

 

The problem was, Charity was used to _not_ talking about her feelings anymore. _These_ feelings, anyway. The feelings Vanessa always stirred within her. While they were together it was easier, because Vanessa made it easy but ever since the breakup Charity had closed up, it being far too difficult to open up to anyone on that level who wasn't her tiny blonde rocket woman. She was still okay with the kids, made all sorts of efforts for them but here, now, in front of the Vanessa who was no longer her girlfriend was _hard_ , and Charity was found herself lacking. She was out of practice and regardless of how much she wanted to, she couldn't quite find the words.

 

"I'm sorry," Charity finally uttered, her shoulders shrugging slightly a moment later. She knew it wasn't good enough though, and she knew Vanessa would need more than that. She panicked, and that was all that came out.

 

Vanessa scoffed. "You're sorry?" She was aghast and her face screwed up completely, the idea of Charity kissing her being a mistake making her world all kinds of tumble apart.

 

Charity panicked some more. Five minutes in and she was already making a mess of it. Vanessa was angry and upset and it was the story of her life. She turned to face the wall, not being able to stomach the pain on Vanessa's face.

 

"That's it?" Vanessa held her palms out, her eyes blinking in confusion.

 

Charity shook her head, tipping it toward the floor as her fingertips came up to meet her forehead. "No," she sighed as her shoulders dropped, her eyes moving up to search the ceiling. "No. Of course not," she murmured, aggravated with herself.

 

Vanessa just couldn't believe it. "Are you though?" she asked with a steely tone. "Sorry?"

 

Charity's expression was laden with regret. Not for kissing her, but for letting them get to this point in the first place. She shook her head once more and turned around. "I'm not," she responded firmly, because she wasn't. "I'm really not."

 

Vanessa was so conflicted she didn't know which way was up. Utterly relieved that it wasn't a mistake but then immediately guilt-ridden for feeling that way. "So why now?" she asked again, and felt like it was for the hundredth time. "Of all the times you could-"

 

"Oh yeah when, Vanessa?" Charity cut in flippantly, a heated step taking her closer. "When exactly would've been the best time? You tell me?" Her voice was louder now, harder. A touch angry, even.

 

"Any!" Vanessa forced, her eyes blowing wide, because for her it really was that simple.

 

Charity flung an arm toward the stairs. "You followed me out there, Vanessa. Started asking me... stuff!"

 

Vanessa flinched a little at the movement.

 

Charity though wasn't interested in a response. "If you don't want to know the answers, babe, don't ask the questions!"

 

Vanessa clenched her teeth together, getting more irritated by the second. "I _followed_ you out there, to discuss Moses' party. That's all."

 

And that was the point, wasn't it? If that's really all Vanessa wanted out there then there was no way Charity was about to bare her soul. Where would be the sense in that?

 

Charity looked at her, a little despondent. "Sure you did."

 

Vanessa glared at her. "I did."

 

Charity pushed out a breath and returned her glare, her chest so heavy she thought she might topple over. "That's not all you asked me about though was it?"

 

Vanessa faltered, her gaze wavering too. "Well, I was concerned about you."

 

Charity scoffed then, loudly, as her hands found out her hips. "Concerned?"

 

Vanessa reacted to the disbelief and it hurt, if she was honest. "Yes!" she responded a little too loudly. She'd never _not_ cared about Charity.

 

Charity folded her arms tightly over her chest, her eyes moving over to the wall. "Well I'm fine," she snapped rather forcefully.

 

Vanessa shook her head. She wasn't fine, neither of them were. They were in a mess and Charity was closing up and honestly Vanessa didn't know how to deal with it. It had been so long since Charity batted her away like this and she utterly, utterly hated it. Her tone softened and she tried to implore Charity to talk to her. "Don't tell me you're fine when you're not," she offered gently.

 

Charity stared at her then, stunned, a whole load of emotions filtering through her eyes. Her body was buzzing and she felt like she'd been winded, her chest absolutely aching with the weight of what was going on. She blinked a few times and it was hard to keep the flutter out of her tone. "Don't you start that," she warned as her eyes glazed over completely. Vanessa knew what that sentence would do to her and Charity really didn't like her for it, just then. "Don't you come that like you care," she spat.

 

"Of course I care, Charity!" She couldn't see how Charity could ever think otherwise.

 

Charity was angry now, mad at the situation and at herself. "You care so much you're marrying someone else, are you?" It was raw and she didn't mean it so bluntly but she couldn't stop the words from coming out.

 

Vanessa reared up taking a few steps back. The sting was back in her eyes and the pain in her chest tripled. "What?" she breathed and the word scraped at the back of her throat. She couldn't believe that was being thrown at her, when all it would've taken was some depth of feeling before now and maybe she wouldn't be marrying someone else at all. She felt like she was choking and she couldn't stand there as they belted blame at each other. That wasn't why she was standing there, and this wasn't the Charity she wanted to deal with. Her hands collided with the wall behind her and she immediately turned and ran up the stairs.

 

"Ness, no..." Charity said quickly, already chasing after her as her anger receded. She was very suddenly scared that Vanessa would leave and never come back. That perhaps her last chance was over before it even begun.

 

Vanessa reached the top of the stairs and just as her hand gripped the door handle Charity stopped her.

 

"Ness, please," Charity choked, tugging on her arm a little as her breath caught in her throat. "Don't," she whispered, the despair in her voice undisguised.

 

Vanessa closed her eyes as she sighed heavily, torn between wanting to leave and not. Wanting to hear Charity's explanations and not, because that would be hard and it wasn't even clear that Charity wanted to give them. How many chances should she give her, after all? Her heart had been broken two years ago and it had never really heeled. Not even close and this was all making that fissure deepen. Her eyes opened and they fell on the door handle prompting Vanessa to turn it.

 

"Ness!" Charity tried again, a little more desperately this time as she tugged on Vanessa's arm again. She couldn't let her leave, not like this.

 

Vanessa frowned and pushed on the door harder. "It's locked."

 

Charity's eyes fluttered, the relief hitting her like a ten tonne weight.

 

Vanessa glanced over her shoulder and then tried the handle again but it still wouldn't budge. "It's locked!" she said again, louder this time and with her palms thrown in the air. She turned fully and glared at Charity like she needed to do something.

 

Charity though felt beat. She just gazed at Vanessa like all the fight had gone from her and her face was as forlorn as Vanessa could remember seeing it. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice all husky and gritty and _honest_.

 

"You always are," Vanessa threw back before she barged past her and went back into the cellar.

 

**

 

Debbie walked to the cellar door and paused, looking at it with a slight frown. It wasn't usually shut when someone was down there, not after all the constant issues with the lock. She was about to open it when she heard some distinct muffled shouting coming from inside which sounded a lot like Vanessa. She leaned in closer and pressed her ear against the door and she nodded, a bit. It was definitely shouting from Vanessa.

 

"What you doing?"

 

"Jesus!" Debbie gasped as she stepped back from the door, swivelling around to find Chas glaring at her. She pressed a palm to her chest and sighed.

 

"You know," Chas started as she stepped closer. "It's designed so you can't do that, but you could just open it so you can have a listen properly."

 

Debbie narrowed her eyes. "I think Vanessa's down there."

 

"Is she?" Chas suddenly became very interested. "You know your mum's down there don't you?"

 

She did know that and they stared at each other for a moment before they both pressed an ear to the door, listening quietly for a few moments.

 

"Can you hear owt?" Chas whispered.

 

Debbie sighed as she stepped back. "No," she answered a little glumly. "Well let's just hope they're sorting things out this time. Properly."

 

"Mmmmm," Chas hummed as she turned from the door. "We are talking about Charity here, though. You know the woman who'd rather be miserable than tell the love of her life she was wrong."

 

Debbie bit on her bottom lip as she cast a glance to the door. "That's true. They're both as stubborn as each other."

 

Chas crossed her arms and looked at the door, her eyes dropping to the key sitting in the lock and then she raised an eyebrow, just a little.

 

Debbie's eyes flicked between her aunt and the lock. "Chas..."

 

Chas then reached out and locked the door quickly. "There," she said firmly, proud of herself. "Now they have to sort it out."

 

Debbie cocked her head to the side. "One way or the other."

 

Chas nodded and then tucked the key safely inside her bra.

 

"And now that key's lost forever."

 

Chas flicked her wrist at her niece. "Oi, lady."

 

Tracy appeared at the entrance to the bar and stopped in her tracks when she saw the two Dingle's blocking the cellar doors. "Ermmmm," she mumbled, her eyes darting between the two of them.

 

Chas' eyes widened. "Yes, Tracy?"

 

Tracy pointed at the cellar. "Vanessa, ermm, Amanda's just come back and she's asking for her."

 

Chas and Debbie exchanged a look.

 

"She's gone for a walk," Chas blurted after a second or two, her chin squaring a little.

 

Tracy frowned. "A walk?"

 

"Yeah," Debbie added with a raise of her eyebrows. "A very _long_ , walk."

 

Tracy smiled as she lowered her voice. "I do know she followed Charity down there, you know."

 

Chas bit on her bottom lip. "Well then, you know Vanessa won't be back for..."

 

"An hour," Debbie offered, with a glance at her aunt.

 

"Oh at least," Chas nodded.

 

"Right," Tracy responded, with a slow nod of her head. "Soooo, a walk then."

 

Chas smiled.

 

"With... Charity?"

 

"Uhmmm," Debbie scratched at her neck. "Yeah, yeah," she conceded, thinking it would save having to account for her mother being somewhere else as well. "Something about Moses' birthday."

 

Chas looked at her. "Ohhh good one," she grinned.

 

Tracy chuckled a little. "Okay then, I guess I'll go get Amanda even more drunk."

 

"Good plan," Chas pointed at her. "I'll turn up the music."

 

Tracy went back into the bar and Debbie shook her head. "We are bad people," she grinned to herself.

 

"Oh," Chas breathed. "The worst."

 

**

 

Charity scanned the bottles in front of her, her hands riffling through them pulling them out one by one before she shoved each one back.

 

"I don't want a drink, Charity," Vanessa growled from the loveseat, her body flopping down into it as soon as her legs got her there. Her elbow was on the arm and she was resting the side of her face against her knuckles, the anger and regret coiling inside her and twisting inside her gut.

 

Charity carried on looking. "Well I do," she breathed quietly, finally finding what she was after. She pulled the bottle out of the box and smiled very briefly at it, unscrewing the cap and taking a long healthy swig from it. She gasped loudly after swallowing the warm soothing fluid, it coating her husky throat with a richly thick kind of glow.

 

"Feel better?" Vanessa huffed still not looking at her, however.

 

The smile was gone and Charity sighed, moving to the space behind the loveseat and taking a seat on a crate much like she had done that first time they were trapped down there. "No," she responded curtly and then there was silence for a few moments. "Sure you don't want some?" she asked, her voice small.

 

"I said no didn't I?"

 

Charity chewed on her bottom lip. She hated it when Vanessa was mad at her. It hadn't happened for a while to be fair, and the last time she was mad at her over issues like these was around the time of the breakup. Perhaps some things never did change.

 

Vanessa's anger was quickly turning to despair. She pushed out a breath as her shoulders drooped forwards, her eyes squeezing closed as she tried to breathe some of her tension away. Charity always did this to her. _Always_. How one person could cause so much joy and then so much agonising pain was beyond her. Truly. She really was a whirlwind, in every sense of the word.

 

She had felt it all with Charity but then she supposed, it was the same for her, as well. So many times when they were together she had to tell herself to forgive Charity's lack of communication ability. She spoke to her in other ways, back then, but of course now there was no other way. She sighed again and the tears were back so she blinked rather furiously to keep them away, her breath shaky and she actually felt her chest shudder, too. She remembered back to what it was like after the breakup, Charity's words in the beer garden earlier lingering on the edge of her thoughts.

 

"You said you couldn't face Tug Ghyll again," Vanessa ventured slowly, her eyes fixed on the concrete floor.

 

Charity looked at her, or rather at the back of her head. "Yeah..." she frowned, not sure why she was bringing that back up. "Why?"

 

"You said you couldn't go back in there, after the breakup." Vanessa angled her head a little to the side, not so she could see Charity but so she'd be able to hear her, better. She swiped a finger just below her eye although there was no moisture there. "Well," she sighed rather dismally. "Try living there. Try waking up in the same bed, every morning, _our_ bed." The emotion was already strangling her words and she'd almost forgotten just how painful it all was. _Almost_. "Our bed that still smelled like you. I could almost convince myself you were still in it, until I reached over to find you _not_ there."

 

Charity was motionless, her eyes unblinking. She held on to the whiskey bottle in her lap and felt her whole body tense up in dread. The hurt in Vanessa's voice was unmistakable, and Charity felt it crawling beneath her skin.

 

"Try looking at your side of the wardrobe every morning, empty. Your make-up, toothbrush, shampoo, everything..." she shook her head. "Just gone." Her voice was breaking and if a few tears spilled from her eyes she didn't stop them. "Going down to the kitchen and not seeing you standing there, making the teas. Not hearing you singing along to the radio."

 

The tears pricked Charity's eyes, too, and her heart was thudding, her hands shaking where her fingers gripped the bottle with such force her skin was turning white. She heard Vanessa suck in a disjointed breath and all she wanted to do was go to her but instead she stayed put, letting Vanessa say what she needed to.

 

"Everything in that house reminded me of you, Charity. You were _everywhere_. I couldn't sit on the sofa and watch the TV for _months_ , because you weren't there with me. With your comments and your sarcasm and your laugh." Vanessa closed her eyes again in an attempt to block out the images. Obviously it didn't work, and really all she could do was see them all the more. She turned her head a bit more, swivelling her body a touch but still she didn't look at her. Not really, but she could see her outline all blurry out of the corner of her eye. "I lost count of all the times I forgot, just for a moment, and waited for you to walk through the door."

 

Charity felt wretched. Completely and utterly and she had no idea what to do. "Ness..."

 

Vanessa did look at her, then. "And it wasn't just you, was it?" she asked with a furrowed brow and red rimmed eyes. "You're like a whole..." she shook her head, "flamin'... culture."

 

Charity just blinked at her. Partly in question and party to keep her tears away.

 

"Dingle culture," Vanessa responded. "All of you, just _gone_."

 

Charity pulled in a silent breath and loosened her grip on the bottle, glancing away as Vanessa continued to speak.

 

Vanessa sighed wearily, as if this conversation was draining the life from her. "No Noah, stomping about demanding pizza for his tea. Him on the landing playing with the boys and you screaming up at them to keep it down. No Ryan dropping in unannounced. Debbie and her lot stopping by. Even that time Belle slept on the couch for a few weeks when she had that fall out with Zak."

 

Charity remembered that. Like sardines they were, in that tiny house. Their house.

 

"Chas constantly on the phone wanting to drag you back to work. It all just stopped. Just like that." She lifted a hand and let it flop down onto the chair back. "It was so quiet. So _empty_. Just like I was."

 

Charity was slouched back against the wall, her chest deflated and nerves shot. She felt so bad, so _guilty_ , and she had no idea how to put that into words. She shook her head as she gazed solemnly at Vanessa, the hole in her chest now cavernous. "I'm so sorry, Ness."

 

Vanessa felt a little stronger, then, a weight seeming to lift after putting a voice to those feelings which she'd never really done before. She felt bolstered, although it wasn't by much. "I've never felt more a part of something, being a part of you. I never thought I'd get past it."

 

"But you did." Charity murmured, a after a moment.

 

Vanessa shook her head, her teeth biting hard into her lip at the idea of that ever happening. _Not a chance_ , her mind screamed, and then she scoffed a little, her eyes finding out Charity's glazed green ones. "You think that's possible, do you? Getting over you?"

 

Charity just returned her gaze, her face a picture of tormented anguish.

 

"I know you don't believe this but having your attention, Charity, your full attention is like..." Vanessa's brow smoothed out and a tiny smile touched her lips. "Absolutely nothing else."

 

Charity swallowed and she had to pull her eyes away.

 

"You made me feel like I was the _only_ person in any room," Vanessa breathed as she ran a hand through her hair, remembering. "The only person in your world, sometimes, because you're Charity Dingle. People notice you, people _take_ notice of what you say and do and you took notice of _me_." She knew it was making Charity uncomfortable in the way she couldn't meet her gaze or even glance up but it had to be said, because it was true. "You made me feel things that nobody else ever had," Vanessa continued, her voice soft and even a little affectionate, then. "Or has since." Charity finally looked at her and Vanessa noticed how small she appeared amongst all the shelves stacked with bottles. It didn't suit her, she thought and then she shook her head. "You're not easy to get over, Charity. At all. You're a whirlwind."

 

Charity exhaled and it felt like the first time she had since Vanessa started talking. "Leaving chaos and destruction in my wake?"

 

Vanessa's lips fell into a small smirk. "All consuming. You swept up me completely."

 

Charity's head went back and she rested it against the brick wall as she turned the bottle in her hands. "They all still love you, you know," she murmured after a while.

 

Vanessa sighed, wiped at the corners of her eyes and then raised a brow at her ex.

 

She obviously meant the kids. "They like to tell me how much of an idiot I am. Frequently."

 

Vanessa tilted her head. "Well you are."

 

"I know," Charity confessed quickly. She did know it, when it came to Vanessa anyway. She continued to stare at her for perhaps a moment too long, regarding fondly the sharp line of her jaw and the soft slope of her neck. She was so beautiful, and Charity really was an idiot. "I am so, _so_ sorry, Ness," she said finally, desperately, as she felt that emotion well up inside her once more. She wanted to go to her, touch her. Fold her up in her arms and never let go but she didn't. She just sat there and let the desperation cling to her a little more.

 

Vanessa pulled in a big breath and blew it out over her lips, resting back in the chair a touch more comfortably than before. She hummed in acceptance of Charity's apology and then she smiled altogether too sadly. "I will have that drink now, actually," she said as she glanced over her shoulder.

 

"Right, yeah," Charity responded quickly, as soon as Vanessa's eyes landed on her. She was up off her crate and passing off the bottle in less than a single stride.

 

**

 

"Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!" Tracy and Amanda shouted as they banged their palms repeatedly on the bar top.

 

Debbie was standing on the other side of the bar pouring the tequila while Chas was cradling her face in her palms, hovering around the hatch. Tracy and Amanda both cheered as Debbie filled the last glass, all three of them picking up their shot before Tracy flicked her wrist at Chas.

 

"C'mon!" Tracy chirped, knocking one of Chas' elbows off the bar.

 

Chas groaned as she straightened up and grabbed her glass, her free hand bracing against the bar taking her weight. "I think I'm going to be sick."

 

Debbie tutted, bringing her glass to her lips. "Suck it up, woman."

 

Chas scowled at her but they all downed their shot, regardless. Tracy and Amanda cheering again as they banged their empty glasses back down. It made Chas' head hurt. She puffed out her cheeks as she placed her still full shot glass back on the bar, Debbie chuckling at her as she picked up the beer bottle she'd been warming for the last couple hours and brought it to her lips.

 

Chas frowned. "How are you even managing to drink that?" she groaned. "It's stale by now surely."

 

Tracy nudged her again. "Showing your age there, Chas! More shots!"

 

"No more shots!" Chas yelled, really feeling the alcohol more than anyone else it seemed. She snatched the tequila bottle from Debbie's hand and placed it behind them out of reach. "You'll thank me in the morning," she said off Amanda and Tracy's sulking faces.

 

Amanda muttered and grabbed Tracy's arm, pulling her over to the nearest booth and draping herself across the seats.

 

"Is that a good idea?" Debbie asked, both her and Chas standing there watching them. "We're supposed to be keeping her distracted."

 

"I think she's distracted enough," Chas responded as she fixed herself a glass of water and then chugged from it generously. "How have you downed them shots and aren't ready to keel over?" she asked as she eyed her niece carefully. "Since when did you have a lead lined stomach?"

 

Debbie smirked as she raised an eyebrow, gesturing to Chas with her beer bottle. "Spit it all in here. Didn't drink a drop."

 

Chas' jaw dropped open, aghast. "You're kidding me?!"

 

"Nope," Debbie smiled. "Got it from Wynonna Earp."

 

Chas paused. "Wynonna.... what?"

 

Debbie scratched at the skin just behind her ear. "Oh it's a TV show Sarah likes. Some..." she gestured in the air with her hand, "western, monster type, thing."

 

"Well next time share your tips beforehand," Chas moaned and then she realised what she was saying. "Actually, no!" and then she pointed at Debbie. "Do _not_ waste good booze, lady. If you won't drink it don't pour it!"

 

Debbie rolled her eyes. "You're a Dingle, anyway. Thought you could handle you drink?"

 

Chas leaned forwards on the bar, a little. "Me too kid, me too."

 

Debbie smirked. "Definitely your age," she quipped.

 

"You're not too old for a slap, you know," Chas said, pushing herself off the bar and nearly falling over.

 

Debbie grabbed her waist. "Steady!" she said as she helped Chas keep her balance. "You're as bad as mum."

 

Chas just leaned forwards with her forearm on Debbie's shoulder.

 

"Here," Debbie suggested, moving away just a bit. "Drink some more water." She handed Chas the glass.

 

Chas sipped from it for a moment or two as Debbie's attention settled back on Tracy and Amanda, giggling and slurring to each other in the booth.

 

Debbie sighed as she folded her arms across her chest, lowering her voice conspiratorially. "Think they'll be down there much longer?"

 

"Who knows?" Chas shrugged. "Could be hours knowing them."

 

Debbie bit on her lip, looking at Amanda apprehensively. "She's going to miss her eventually."

 

Chas glanced at Amanda then, too. "I'm surprised she hasn't already, to be honest."

 

"Mmmm," Debbie agreed. "Tracy's doing a good job at keeping her off her face."

 

"My booze is you mean?" Chas corrected rather indignantly. "Your mother best be making this bar bill worth it."

 

"She will," Debbie nodded, not at all convinced but she was sure she would know that this would probably, _definitely_ be her last chance with Vanessa. More than likely. Chas made a humming noise in the back of her throat before she balked abruptly, groaning as she ran into the back. Debbie just continued nodding. "She will."

 

**

 

"Ugh," Vanessa grimaced as she downed another mouthful of whiskey. She smacked her lips a little, frowning distastefully at the bottle even though she'd had more than a few mouthfuls of it.

 

Charity eyed her. "Ugh?" she echoed. "Ugh?"

 

"Mmm," Vanessa murmured as she passed the bottle back to her.

 

"You weren't 'Ugh'-ing any of the other times you were down here drinking my whiskey, were you?"

 

Vanessa raised an eyebrow and glanced sideways at her. "Well that was different, wasn't it?" she responded after a moment.

 

Charity rolled her eyes. The atmosphere between them was better now, at least. A little easier and perhaps even relaxed, after a fashion. It was amazing what a few generous sips of good whiskey could do to an already partly drunk person. Although their last conversation had got a few things off both of their chests this was perhaps just the lull before the next explosion.

 

"Not much of a whiskey drinker nowadays," Vanessa continued, apparently not after a response. "Sorry," she said with another glance at her.

 

"Yeah no kidding," Charity replied, grinning a bit at the way Vanessa's eyes couldn't focus. "Maybe you could do with something softer? Wine, maybe? Or have you stopped drinking that now, too?" There was a level of accusation in her tone as slight as it was. Like a changed Vanessa wasn't _her_ Vanessa anymore, and she didn't like it.

 

Vanessa furrowed her brow. "Oh no," she breathed, not really noticing. "You know what happens when I mix too many drinks."

 

Charity scoffed knowingly. "How many days were you in bed for?" She looked up as she pretended to consider it, Vanessa sighing and looking away as she knew what was coming.

 

"It felt like months," Vanessa groaned, remembering how hellish she felt on that particular occasion.

 

Charity actually chuckled a little, then. "How much sick came out of someone so small I'll never know."

 

"Don't," Vanessa cringed.

 

"I mean," Charity smirked. "Beggars belief!"

 

"Alright," Vanessa grumbled, full on glaring at her, then. "And what about that first night you had out with Ryan?" she pulled a face that indicated she thought that was way worse than whatever state she had ever gotten in.

 

Charity smiled as she thought about it. "You know, I still can't remember that."

 

"Well I do," Vanessa said as her eyes widened dramatically. "Vividly!" She sighed but she was smiling, remembering it fondly. "You were worse than Johnny with a stomach bug for the next two days."

 

Charity knew full well she had sulked solidly until the hangover had worn off a day or so later. "Still impresses me how much that lad can drink."

 

"Well," Vanessa grinned as she turned to her. "He's a Dingle, isn't he?"

 

Charity met Vanessa's gaze. "Yeah," she replied with a soft sigh and it was a good minute or so before either of them spoke again.

 

"How is he?" Vanessa finally asked with a small cough.

 

"Fine," Charity shrugged. "He misses hearing from you."

 

Vanessa missed him too, of course. Like she missed all of them. "When's he back?" She knew he was off with Irene somewhere but she didn't know any of the details.

 

"Next month," Charity answered, and Vanessa nodded her head.

 

Vanessa got up to stretch her legs a little, being sat in the same position for a while in the chilly cellar making her go stiff. She pushed out a breath as her hands rested on her hips.

 

"Arse gone to sleep has it?" Charity asked with amusement, letting her eyes wander over Vanessa's body without any hint of subtlety. She took another sip from the bottle. "Always were a bit delicate, weren't you?"

 

Vanessa looked over her shoulder and threw Charity a look, noticing how slowly those green eyes moved up her body. She wasn't even remotely thrilled at the shiver it sent through her. "Just as well you have that thing down here," Vanessa commented as she turned round, nodding at the battered oversized armchair and then she furrowed her brow. "Why is it down here, actually?" she considered aloud. "I've always wondered that."

 

Charity's expression went a little blank. "Your guess is as good as mine, babe," and she swigged again from the bottle. "Pre-dates my time behind the bar, that thing."

 

"And you've never asked Chas?"

 

Charity shrugged. "Why would I?"

 

Vanessa strolled casually back over to the chair making a show of stretching her legs before she plopped herself back down on it. "You've never been curious?"

 

The grin was quick to spread itself across Charity's face. "Many times, babe," she husked, her voice lowering considerably as she leaned forwards on the arm of the chair from where she was sat, on a stool over the other side of it. "Just not about this grotty chair."

 

Vanessa smoothed her palm over the opposite arm, the one she was resting against not rising to Charity's blatant innuendo. "I dunno," she ventured slowly, "I kind of like this chair."

 

Charity raised an eyebrow. "Feeling nostalgic, are you?"

 

Vanessa swept her eyes to her then, looking over Charity's body rather purposefully. "Are you?" she asked pointedly. "That why you're wearing that suit?"

 

Charity glanced down at herself and realised Vanessa had flipped the conversation on its head. Perhaps she needed more whiskey, she considered, before she held the bottle out between them. "I like this suit," she replied after a moment, the glint still in her eyes.

 

Vanessa took it and unscrewed the cap. "So do I."

 

Charity watched Vanessa's throat bob as she swallowed the whiskey and then her eyes wandered to her chest where they lingered for a moment, before dragging them up to her lips and then finally meeting her eyes. It made her chest hitch and then she licked at her lips, suddenly noticing they were quite dry. "You just need your yellow cape and then we'd be set," she murmured with an uncertain smile. "Babe."

 

Vanessa though adopted a kind of faraway expression, her eyes looking off over Charity's shoulder. "It's under my bed actually," she admitted, bringing the bottle again to her lips. "In a box."

 

Charity felt a little winded. _Buried away with the rest of our memories_ she told herself glumly. She wished she was still holding the bottle so she'd at least have something to do with her hands and a thought went out to her getting up to fetch another one, but she didn't want to move. She didn't want to break this connection between them however tenuous it was. She sighed and became a little nostalgic, too. "I liked that cape," she said quietly, regretful. It made her chest heavy.

 

Vanessa smirked, though, as she remembered that cape properly. The times she had worn it again, much to Charity's delight. "Oh I know you did," she uttered playfully, a sudden fluttering overtaking her stomach. "It's why I kept it."

 

Charity's world lit up then, for a moment, and she shuddered visibly. "That the only reason?" she asked, very quickly shy and her hand inched forwards, over the curved arm of the chair.

 

Vanessa looked down at the space between them, her heart jumping in her chest a little. She kept it for a lot of reasons, actually. It just held too many memories, that cape. It _meant_ something, like if anything could mark the beginnings of them it was surely that cape and mask. She treasured them and she would never throw them away, _ever_. "No," Vanessa breathed in response, wanting nothing more than to slide her hand over to Charity's and interlink their fingers. "Course not," she whispered, and her chest _ached_.

 

They stayed there like that for a moment, the atmosphere now warm around them and perhaps even rather cosy. It had been a long time since it had been this peaceful and content between them, both of them ignoring things they didn't want to think about.

 

Charity regarded Vanessa with affection, then. Complete and utter adoration and she couldn't help the way her body tingled with it. Love, she knew it was, and she felt her defences come down completely. "Sums you up perfectly doesn't it, that cape?" she smiled and her eyes shone with every ounce of what she felt.

 

Vanessa blinked and Charity saw the way her breathing made her chest shake. They held each others' gaze for a good few moments and Vanessa felt like time was standing still.

 

"My hero," Charity whispered.

 

Vanessa's chest really did shake, then, and her breath came out in choked stutters, an army of butterflies inside her stomach. She remembered the first time she was down there with Charity, the anticipation of a first kiss that changed her whole life and then the first time Charity had said she loved her. The way she had been floored completely by the enormity of sentiment. They were all so powerful and this moment was just the same and she didn't know if she could keep it all inside.

 

Her eyes were glossy and Vanessa struggled to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. "Not anymore," she said so quietly she wasn't sure if Charity would hear, her eyes fixed on the chair arm beneath Charity's hand. She wished she still was but she wasn't, and that fact made her _hurt_.

 

"Always," Charity replied firmly, like she'd never meant anything more strongly in her life. "No one ever took care of me like you did," she pressed, wanting to make sure Vanessa knew it. "You know that, don't you?"

 

Vanessa's brow furrowed slightly as she continued to stare at the arm, her eyes blinking furiously, desperately trying to keep a hold of herself.

 

"I didn't even know that kind of affection existed," Charity smiled, chuckling a little as she felt how heavy it was getting. She meant it though, every word and now she was on a roll. At her brief pause Vanessa's gaze came up to meet hers and Charity was struck by the brilliance of her eyes. "Before you," she finished softly.

 

"Charity-" Vanessa sighed as her breath caught in her throat and this time it was Charity's turn to drop her eyes to the chair.

 

"I didn't," Charity pressed, wanting to carry on before she lost her nerve. "I didn't know a lot of things before you," she shook her head, sure she wouldn't be able to find the words to describe most of them. "I owe you so much, Ness," and then she smiled, again. "I'll never be able to tell you."

 

Vanessa felt some moisture escape her eyes and she was thankful Charity continued to look down, but she was certain she'd be able to hear how erratic her breathing had become.

 

"You have to _know_ ," Charity continued, her forehead creasing but it was all getting too much, _far_ too much and she quickly felt the need to steer this away from such heartfelt confessions. She pulled in a big breath and sighed, an easy smile beginning to pull at her lips. "Even in bed," she continued, nodding a few times and stifling a cough. "Especially, in bed." She became more confident and it made Vanessa arch an eyebrow at her. "You said I made you feel a certain way? Well I'd never had anyone touch me the way you did," she shrugged, gaining a little of her outward nonchalance. "No one ever cared that much," and then she tilted her head to the side. "Or since."

 

Vanessa had so much to unpack she didn't know where to begin, or even if she should, really, and so she didn't. There would be time for that later, she knew, and so she blinked a number of times to get rid of the tears that were still there. Charity could be such a hit and run with emotions sometimes. All the time, if memory served her. Vanessa was feeling the whirlwind, again, her heart as if she had done two hours of solid cardio. She was thinking how best to respond when Charity decided to take the conversation a different way completely.

 

"What about you?" she asked with a sudden sly grin, getting up from her stool and sliding into the empty space beside her. She reached over and grabbed the bottle back, too. "How is Amanda?"

 

Vanessa was well confused. "What?" she asked, her voice rather scratchy.

 

Charity swigged from the bottle. "Well, is she good?"

 

Vanessa paused and then she blinked. "Good?"

 

Charity nodded exaggeratedly and then became cocky. "Does she rock your world like I did?"

 

Vanessa sighed and rolled her eyes forcefully. "Charity-"

 

"I'm just asking."

 

"Why are you _just_ asking?" Vanessa had to give Charity her dues, however. The conversation certainly had lost its intense edge.

 

Charity hunched her shoulders right up. "I'm... interested."

 

Vanessa threw her a dubious look. "Are you? Really?"

 

Charity pretended to think about it. "Welllllll-"

 

"-What if I said she's amazing?"

 

Charity glared at her, then. "Amazing?"

 

"Yeah," Vanessa emphasised, gesturing in the air with her hands. "Mind blowing, earth shattering. The best I've-"

 

"-Yeah yeah yeah alright," Charity scoffed, dragging her eyes away for a moment. It did make Vanessa smile though and Charity quickly looked back at her. "She's not though, is she?"

 

Vanessa rolled her eyes again, incredulous.

 

"The best you've had?" Charity clarified her question, the familiar smirk pulling at the edges of her lips.

 

Vanessa grinned and sighed, shaking her head a little in the process.

 

Charity full on smirked, then. "Knew it."

 

"Charity we're not having this conversation."

 

"-Too late, babe," Charity interrupted, drinking some more whiskey. "It's written all over your face."

 

Vanessa raised an eyebrow. "What is?"

 

Charity's smirk was still there and she paused for a moment, thinking about something she'd always wanted to know. She debated it for a moment and then she asked, her smirk fading quite a bit. "Why _her_ though?"

 

Vanessa frowned at her, trying to keep up. "Why her what?"

 

"I mean..." Charity trailed off, not knowing another way to phrase it. "Why her?" and then it dawned on Vanessa what she was talking about. "What's she got? 'Cuz I-"

 

"-Think I can do better?" Vanessa asked, knowing how loaded it sounded.

 

Charity shrugged. "Well you could."

 

It was inappropriate but Vanessa couldn't help but laugh a little, not quite believing the turns this conversation was taking. "You're something else," she said fondly, shaking her head. "You really are."

 

Charity scrunched up her face, a little. "I'm choosing to take that as a compliment."

 

Vanessa full on laughed, then, and it made Charity smile too.

 

"C'mon," Charity prompted, slapping the back of her hand against Vanessa's thigh. "Why her?"

 

Vanessa sighed, her leg tingling where Charity had touched her.

 

"Why the boring, personality-less accountant?" It was a question Charity genuinely wanted to know the answer to, and had done ever since they started dating properly, to be fair.

 

Vanessa thought about it for a moment, sighed heavily and then shook her head. "Why not?" she shrugged.

 

Charity scoffed, a little. "Wow. Bowled over by sentiment, I am."

 

Vanessa huffed and became defensive, all of a sudden. "You know, I can't actually believe we're having this conversation. You, my ex who dumped me, asking me why I'm marrying someone two years later, who actually asked me." She frowned deeply. "Doesn't take a genius, does it?"

 

Charity was taken aback and as Vanessa's answer hung there, like a bomb waiting to drop and explode she saw the regret once more in Charity's eyes. Of missed opportunities, maybe.

 

Charity suddenly became serious and she felt her chest clench. The teasing immediately on the back burner and as Vanessa's eyes fell to her lap Charity bit back a gasp. "-It kills me seeing you together," she said quietly, her voice too thick with emotion again. She shook her head, her chest stuttering as she breathed. "Ness, I-"

 

"No," Vanessa murmured, practically jumping from the armchair and standing a few feet from it. "Just, hold on," she instructed as panic started to grasp at her heart. She met Charity's gaze and she fidgeted where she stood. "This conversation, Charity..." she trailed off as she exhaled forcefully.

 

Charity blinked at her, sitting forwards in the chair. "What?"

 

Vanessa was tearful again, but it didn't seem like she could hold it back this time. "If we're having it, we can't un-have it," she stuttered and then her voice became high-pitched. "You can't un-say these things to me."

 

Charity frowned, confused.

 

"And you can't do that," Vanessa pointed at her with intent but Charity just shook her head in response. "You can't act all... like you don't know what I mean." She sighed heavily and wasn't about to let Charity get away with it. "You know what I _mean_ , and don't shake your head!" She was a little furious then and her face screamed it as Charity got up from the armchair, too. Vanessa was still pointing at her, however, keeping her at a distance. "All this you've said to me, you can't _not_ mean it."

 

Charity swallowed painfully and it hurt to believe that Vanessa even thought that. She went to take a step forwards but the look on Vanessa's face made her think better of it. "I _do_ mean it," she said firmly, her voice like gravel and her eyes completely glazing over. She thought that if this was the conversation that would make or break them then she would let herself be vulnerable because, if she couldn't be in front of Ness anymore than really what hope for her was there? " _All_ of it," she continued, her small step forward met with Vanessa taking a step back. Her hands turned to fists at her sides as she clenched her teeth. "I _hate_ , seeing you together-"

 

Vanessa scoffed. "You threw us this party!"

 

"Yeah and I _hated_ it! Okay? I hate that you're with her and I _hate_ that you're happy with her, is that what you wanna hear?"

 

"Oh and you think I liked seeing you with him, do you? Or the other one? Or that _girl_ -"

 

"-Well at least I'm not marrying one of them!" Charity shouted, her chest full of fury. "That's you, isn't it? At least I won't be _gone_ from you forever-"

 

Vanessa blinked but she wouldn't be outdone. "-Won't you? Aren't you already? Weren't you as soon as _you_ ended it?!"

 

The atmosphere was so heated it actually softened the longer they stared at each other, both of their chests moving frantically as they panted, their eyes red and cheeks wet.

 

"No," Charity finally said, her head shaking and eyes beseeching. She had never gone, and she had never _been_ gone. But perhaps Vanessa thought she had. "I've always been here."

 

"But you haven't," Vanessa choked and then she turned away. She walked over to the far wall and leaned against it, slightly, pulling in long breaths to try and calm down. Her mind was racing and she just couldn't deal with it. Wasn't all of this pointless, anyway? She sighed as she rubbed at the back of her neck. "I'm engaged, Charity."

 

Charity sniffled, a bit, and quickly wiped her sleeve over both eyes. "I know," she whispered. How could she not?

 

Vanessa stared at the wall and then she closed her eyes. They needed to bring this conversation to a close before they both fell apart. She could feel herself teetering, and she couldn't remember the last time she _felt_ this much. Every inch of her absolutely ached with it.

 

"I'm sorry to do this the day after you got engaged," Charity murmured, and Vanessa knew it was the first insincere thing she had said.

 

"It's not," Vanessa replied quietly as she turned around, pushing her shoulders back against the wall as her arms folded across her chest.

 

"What?" Charity was confused.

 

Vanessa shook her head, her eyes open but downcast. "It's not the day after she asked me." Charity walked toward her but left a few feet between them. Vanessa didn't look at her, though. "She asked me a while ago."

 

Charity was a bit shocked and it took a moment for her to voice her question. "When?"

 

Vanessa tilted her head, a bit. "Week last Monday."

 

Charity's eyebrows nearly crawled off her head. That was nine days ago. "Why'd you..?" she trailed off, pondering, hoping Vanessa would continue for her.

 

Vanessa just sighed heavily. "I needed to think about it."

 

Charity took a moment. "Why?" she gasped, her heartbeat picking up again.

 

Vanessa pulled her bottom lip through her teeth. It hurt but she needed it. "Because, I had a conversation with Tracy once that-" she cut herself off, pressing her eyes closed once again. She wasn't about to tell Charity that, not here. After the breakup she'd told her sister how Charity was the only person she'd ever marry and how it broke her heart knowing it would never happen. Vanessa had always thought she wasn't the marrying type, having been with quite a few people but it was only Charity she'd ever had that connection with. The only person she wanted to grow old with and so when Amanda asked it had taken a lot to convince herself to do it. She wasn't getting any younger after all, and she'd assumed the opportunity with Charity had long since passed.

 

Vanessa sighed again as she opened her eyes and she felt bowled over by the woman in front of her. Why did she have to be so gorgeous and open and vulnerable, right then, and standing so close to her? Why did she have to be so imperfectly perfect in absolutely every single way?

 

"Charity," she began, trying her best to settle her nerves and the chaos that was coursing beneath her skin. "How I feel about you has never changed. If you really mean all this," and then she shook her head trying to put into words what she was thinking. "I mean _really_ mean this, then you can't mess me around, Charity. You just _can't_."

 

"I'm not," Charity replied firmly, strongly, not even missing a beat. "I'd never mess you around."

 

Vanessa very nearly broke then so Charity closed the distance between them and grasped her chin between her thumb and forefinger, lifting her chin up to meet her gaze.

 

"I'm just..." she trailed off, a smile ghosting over her lips as she had to _make_ herself say it. "I'm just _scared_ ," she admitted, and then the tears overpowered for her eyes. She shook her head as she smiled sadly. "When am I not?"

 

Vanessa looked into her eyes, then. Right into her, and Charity felt the power of it hit her chest.

 

"You petrify me, Ness," Charity whispered, her voice breaking as her hands began to shake. She made herself continue, though. She _had_ to. "What if you said no?" she shrugged as she felt the shake consume her chest. "What _then_?"

 

Vanessa's brow furrowed and then Charity let go of her chin, stepping back a little and sighing loudly as she pressed her palms into her face.

 

Charity growled, completely frustrated with herself. "Two years ago I didn't think you'd take me back," she confessed far too loudly. "Not after how I reacted. So I waited." She pushed her toe into the floor and then shrugged. "Thought with a bit of time you'd... I thought it'd be easier," and then she shook her head, utterly done in. "But it wasn't, and you moved on."

 

Vanessa didn't move. She just watched as Charity physically _forced_ herself to say the words. Vanessa loved her. She knew she did without a shadow of a doubt.

 

Charity nodded and squeezed her eyes shut. "I _know_. I left it too long, didn't I?" she sighed and her breath shook, her words quiet and small and not her at all. "I wanted to tell you. _God_ , and I tried." Her eyes were stinging the tears were so much and she _hated_ it. Charity _hated_ feeling this way but she knew it was necessary. Vanessa deserved to hear it. "Just, was never good enough, was it? I didn't _try_ hard enough," and then she got angry with herself, her teeth pressing together so hard she was surprised they didn't break.

 

Vanessa stepped forwards, though, not able to stand there any longer and do nothing. She walked over to Charity and stopped just a foot away, her face all kinds of affectionate. She wanted to touch her but she didn't, not then, she didn't want her support to be mistaken for pity.

 

Charity met her eyes and she gazed at her, the devotion sitting in them just like it used to be. Charity's brow furrowed like she was all but ready to fall apart. "And then you weren't _mine_ anymore." Her voice broke on the last word and Vanessa almost wept for her. Charity though pulled some strength from somewhere and pressed on, determined to say the next bit no matter what. "I'm never gonna find anyone else, Ness. I don't want anyone else, whether you marry her or not. It's always gonna be you." Vanessa was crying then, silently with each blink of her eyes and then Charity smiled despondently, reaching up to wipe one of those tears away. "I love you," she whispered. "Stupidly and completely and I always will."

 

There was a pause as Charity's hand folded around the curve of Vanessa's cheek, her thumb rubbing gently beneath her eye and then Vanessa moved on instinct. Her eyes falling closed as she leaned into Charity's touch for just a moment before she stepped closer, slipping her hands around Charity's neck to pull her into a kiss.

 

Charity sighed into it like she'd never needed anything more in her entire life. She melted, her body becoming lucid and she pressed closer, her one hand gripping harder as her fingers pressed into Vanessa's jaw and her other hand sinking into Vanessa's upper arm. She groaned as her chest fluttered, the familiar sensation sparking in her gut like it had in the beer garden and like she hadn't felt before that for two years.

 

Vanessa couldn't fathom how much she missed her. How much she _had_ missed her and how right it felt being back in her arms, kissing her like this and so she moaned deeply, swiping her tongue over Charity's bottom lip and threading her fingers into her hair like she'd never stopped.

 

Charity pulled back, though, just enough so there was air and distance so she could think. "Don't" she uttered, shaking her head and it made Vanessa open her eyes. "Don't," Charity repeated, pulling in a deep breath and everything inside of Vanessa stood stock still. Charity shook her head, her voice remaining soft, however. "Not if _you_ don't mean it."

 

Vanessa felt relief hit her like nothing else, a fleeting moment passing through her where Charity might not want this. Or her. She swallowed a breath and then a smile pulled on her lips, her hands tugging on Charity's face a little to get her to open her eyes so she could see how she'd never meant anything _more_ in her life.

 

Charity gazed at her, more than a little mesmerised and after a moment Vanessa leaned in and kissed her again.

 

**

 

The kiss turned heated in a matter of seconds, Vanessa pouring absolutely everything into it, all of her desire and _need_ as every word Charity had said to her began to sink in. It was everything she ever wanted to hear and so she grabbed at her, pulling at her suit jacket and then losing her hands in her hair, pushing her tongue into her mouth and delighting in the way Charity licked and sucked at it in return.

 

They were like fire and how they both relished the burn. Charity's insides turning in on themselves as her arms shook, her body almost rigid with the intensity she felt. Her heart was thumping and she moaned with how much she wanted her, how much she _needed_ her and her hands roamed over Vanessa's body freely, remembering again how she used to feel and absolutely keening at being able to feel her again.

 

Vanessa's hands found out Charity's jaw again, her fingers itching to touch her as much as she could and her thumbs slid down and pressed into the column of her throat. It was making her tingle and when Charity gasped it sent a shudder thundering through her. It was like heaven and Vanessa only wanted _more_ , her one hand slipping inside Charity's jacket and her fingers digging between her shoulder blades, Charity responding by pushing her flush against the brick wall with a deep, guttural groan.

 

They broke apart for a moment with their foreheads pushed together, both heavily gasping for air and swallowing big lungfuls of it as their hands continued to move, Charity's running over Vanessa's shoulders and down her arms to her waist, snaking around her middle and pressing into her skin.

 

" _God_ I've missed you," Vanessa panted, her voice reverberating though Charity's skin and it made her _growl_.

 

"I missed you two," Charity responded as she brought their lips together once more, her bones going slack as she fell completely into Vanessa's body. A second later she descended to Vanessa's neck, her lips massaging and licking and nipping at her skin and it was driving her to utter distraction.

 

"God _yes_ ," Vanessa groaned, her eyes falling closed and then she dragged Charity's hips forwards, colliding them against hers and forcing Charity's leg between her own and then they both moaned with infinitesimal _lust_.

 

Charity thought she was going to fall apart, absolutely nothing going through her mind other than how much she needed her. It was crazy, everything from before but even more besides and Charity was alight with sensation.

 

Vanessa pulled on Charity's hair and then tipped her head back, gasping out loud as she directed Charity's mouth back to hers, kissing her with the kind of passion she had long forgotten about. She felt herself buckling, Charity's thigh _hard_ between her legs and as much as she didn't want to, she knew they had to stop.

 

Charity felt Vanessa's hands come up to cup her face and she just knew, in that very moment that they shouldn't. _Couldn't_ , in fact, and so she instantly slowed the kiss even though everything inside of her screamed to continue. She knew it wasn't the time and even more so she knew Vanessa would absolutely hate herself for cheating, and Vanessa certainly didn't deserve that.

 

They kissed slowly, their hands no longer roaming but fingers touching gently, Charity's on Vanessa's hips and Vanessa's hooked around Charity's neck. Eventually they came to a stop, their foreheads back resting together and their chests significantly slowed.

 

Charity could kiss her forever like that, she thought, and an easy smile formed across her lips. Vanessa was the same and she honestly, _really_ didn't want to leave this moment but she knew she had to.

 

Charity exhaled as she stepped back a little, their hands still linked however and hanging in the space between them. After a few moments their eyes found each other and they just _looked_.

 

"You're beautiful," Charity whispered, and then her gaze dropped to their hands.

 

It made Vanessa grin, big and wide and her heart swelled like she hadn't felt in _such_ a very long time. She wanted to tell Charity how much she loved her but she couldn't, not yet, not before she'd sorted things with Amanda and that thought made her chest ache.

 

Vanessa leaned in though, her forehead brushing against Charity's shoulder briefly. "So are you," she whispered, and then sighed heavily and cleared her throat. "We should maybe go and bang on the door," she suggested, although she really didn't want to.

 

Charity nodded as she bit on her top lip. "I guess so," she replied, the shudders still not completely leaving her chest and then they both heard the door unlock. It made Charity chuckle a little, however sadly it was. "Timing," she muttered as she looked down again.

 

"Yeah," Vanessa breathed, trying to calm the nervous apprehension she quickly felt.

 

After a moment Charity tugged lightly on Vanessa's hand, not wanting to let her go at all. "What happens now?" she asked, knowing it was all basically in Vanessa's court.

 

Vanessa looked at her and she nodded, knowing what she needed to do but not knowing how to go about it, even in the least. It hit her then, more suddenly than she thought and she felt the tears pricking at her eyes again.

 

Charity was there in an instant. "It's okay," she said, a hand slipping around Vanessa's back and pulling her close as her lips pressed softly against her forehead.

 

Vanessa swallowed and her throat literally hurt. "I'll talk to her," she whispered after a very long moment, her voice off and faraway.

 

Charity nodded and she believed her. She had to, and then she sighed and pulled away, offering Vanessa as big a smile as she could manage.

 

Vanessa smiled in return and then she sucked in a deep breath, taking the lead and walking toward the stairs, pulling Charity after her not quite ready just yet to let go of her hand.

 

**

 

The pub was empty aside from the four of them, Tracy and Amanda just about awake and just about managing to exchange words across the table. They were flicking beer mats at each other, talking about hair styles and nails and randomly, David Tennant.

 

Debbie was perched on a stool on the other side of the bar where the cellar was in her direct line of sight, Tracy and Amanda to her right and she stared at them, her forehead scrunched up and her jaw resting in her palm.

 

Chas came back into the bar having unlocked the cellar door, the key firmly back in the lock. "Right that's done," she sighed as she stood across from her niece, her one hand gripping around a beer pump.

 

"Good," Debbie said as she looked at her. "They've been down there ages."

 

"Mmmm," Chas sighed. "Either it's sorted or they're both asleep."

 

Debbie blinked, not having considered the latter option.

 

Chas glanced at her and shook her head, certain it wouldn't have happened. She hoped. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe we should chuck those two out," she considered aloud, "the state Amanda's in she'd have no clue whether Vanessa came back or not."

 

Debbie raised an eyebrow. "You really want to try that?"

 

Chas sighed again and wrinkled her nose, thinking better of it. The pair of them could collapse on the table for all she cared.

 

Debbie tipped her head back a little, something having dawned on her during the last half hour. "Have you ever noticed how much Amanda looks like mum?"

 

Chas balked a little and then chuckled. "You're joking, aren't you?"

 

"No," Debbie continued, leaning forwards on the bar and stifling a yawn. "Look at her. Blonde, brash, annoyingly loud when drunk."

 

Chas's brow furrowed and she cocked her head to the side.

 

"Think of her in a suit, white top, heels," Debbie offered, her eyes wandering over to the woman in question. She was dressed down right then but Amanda always wore a suit for work. It wasn't a hard stretch. "If her hair was curled out at the ends I'm telling you, she's a carbon copy."

 

Just then Amanda started singing, all whiney and slurred and Chas' eyes widened dramatically. "Oh my God," she breathed, a hand pressing into her chest.

 

Debbie smirked. "Told you."

 

Chas couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. She glanced at Debbie and then back at Amanda, her palms going up in the air. "She's marrying bootleg-Charity!"

 

"Yup."

 

The door to the cellar banged shut then and everything stopped, all four sets of eyes in the bar turning in its direction. There was silence and Vanessa and Charity stood completely still, never so glad to see an empty pub in their lives.

 

After a second or two Tracy cheered, her hands shooting up in the air and everyone glared at her. Amanda though was still pretty much slumped over the table. "You're back!" Tracy enthused, clearly still thinking she needed to keep up the pretence. "How was your walk?"

 

Chas glanced over at Tracy, then. "I don't think that's really necessary now, kid," she said with a nod at Amanda.

 

Tracy's eyes fell on her sister-in-law to be and then she frowned as if she was only just noticing how much of a state she was in.

 

Vanessa immediately went to Amanda, her hands resting on her shoulders as she tried to make sure she was okay.

 

Charity watched her go and then went over to Chas, her arms crossing over her chest defensively. "A walk?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Yeah," Chas replied, "that's where we said you two disappeared to."

 

"Right," Charity sighed, a slight pang striking her chest at the sight of Vanessa fussing over her fiancé.

 

"To talk about the kids," Debbie carried on, trying to catch her mother's eye.

 

Charity though was pretty much trying to avoid everyone's gaze. "Right," she repeated. "Thanks."

 

"What's wrong with her?" Vanessa directed at her sister who was having a little trouble getting to her feet herself.

 

"Nothing!" Tracy exclaimed, high pitched. "Just had some drinks, didn't we, 'Mand?"

 

Vanessa cocked a brow at her, quickly more than a bit annoyed. "What half the pub?"

 

"We were just err," Chas cut in, grabbing Vanessa's attention. "Keeping her distracted, you know," she offered and then felt completely awkward.

 

Vanessa couldn't hold her gaze for long before she felt utterly, utterly guilty and her eyes quickly dropped to the floor. She swallowed painfully, her throat suddenly dry. "Right," she mumbled, her eyes finding Charity's briefly before she turned back to Amanda. "We should get you home," Vanessa suggested, close in at her ear.

 

That pang turned into a hollow thud as soon as Charity heard her say it. _Home_. She immediately felt worried, although she knew she shouldn't. She knew how bad Vanessa must be feeling, she felt bad enough herself.

 

Vanessa and Tracy attempted to pull Amanda from the booth, Chas and Debbie both going over to help. They managed to get her to the door with little difficulty and Chas moved away, moving ahead to the door and holding it open. Debbie also let Amanda go when they got there, Tracy and Vanessa each with an arm over their shoulders and just before leaving Vanessa glanced back. Charity having now moved around the bar and was standing rather anxiously in the empty space, watching them go.

 

Vanessa's eyes were wide and Charity saw the guilt in them and she wanted to say something, to implore Vanessa not to change her mind but she didn't, she just stood there and watched as Vanessa smiled at her, however slight it was and then she was gone.

 

"Let me know you get home safe, okay?" Chas called after them before she closed the door and bolted it shut.

 

Debbie was already looking at her mother, concerned at her worried expression and she took a step forwards, her hands twisting together in front of her. "Well?" she asked hopefully.

 

Charity just sighed heavily, really not wanting to have to analyse it and she turned abruptly on heel and powered off into the back room.

 

Chas and Debbie looked at each, a sense of dread falling over them both as they quickly followed without a second thought.

 

**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Vanessa end things with Amanda, or will she decide she can't do it?
> 
> P.S. Thanks for all your comments! I love every single one and your support for me and this story is awesome :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [Vanityfest](http://vanityfest.tumblr.com/).

"Mother!" Debbie called as she and Chas followed Charity into the back room, both in hot pursuit. They came to a stop just inside the door as Charity moved into the kitchen. "You can't just leave it like that."

 

"Can't I?" Charity mumbled, not bothering to turn around as she felt some kind of tension leave her shoulders. It didn't relax her, however, just made her feel a little bit empty. Like it was making room for her ever-growing anxiety while she waited for Vanessa to follow through on her word.

 

"No!" Debbie choked, gesturing wildly with a palm in the air as if she had been left teetering on a precipice edge for an inexplicable amount of time. She glanced wide eyed at Chas before she turned her glare back on her mother. "Tell us what happened!"

 

"Nothing!" Charity snapped, whirling around before she pressed her palms firmly against her face. She was exhausted and felt like she had done far too much talking already.

 

"She must've said something?" Chas quickly followed up, just as eager as her niece to know the outcome of the latest cellar escapade but then she stopped, pushing out a breath as a realisation came to her. "You did tell her, didn't you?" she pressed, and it made Debbie's glare triple in size.

 

Charity's hands flopped back down to her sides and she sighed rather glumly, her teeth busy worrying her lip.

 

At the ensuing silence Chas decided to clarify. "About how you feel?"

 

"You better had," Debbie scoffed, watching as her mother sighed again and took a seat at the kitchen table. Debbie folded her arms across her chest. "You were down there long enough."

 

Charity's face began to soften as she remembered, and then she cursed Vanessa Woodfield for making her soft enough to feel the need to talk about her _feelings_.

 

"They're always down there for hours those two," Chas offered as she gave Debbie a gentle nudge. "Wouldn't surprise me what they got up to."

 

Charity's eyes narrowed a little, then.

 

Debbie frowned. "You didn't?"

 

Charity rolled her eyes. "No!" she rebuffed, scrunching up her face but then after a long moment, she let the air rush out of her lungs taking all of her pretence with it. She lulled her head back as she grumbled aloud, sighing in utter exasperation, frustration and long held on to pent up desire which was going to be pent up for a while longer. She ran her tongue along the jagged edges of her teeth as an errant smirk pulled a little at her lips. "I did kiss her, though."

 

Both Chas and Debbie gasped in delight before they rounded the sofa and sat down on it in excitement, perching on the edge and leaning forwards in rapt attention.

 

"And?" Chas asked, her smile wide as she nodded her head for her cousin to continue.

 

Debbie was nodding too. "Did she kiss you back?"

 

Charity's face fell into a full on smile then, and she toppled her head to the side, her attention wandering off into the distance as the tingling she had felt consumed her all over again.

 

"Course she did!" Chas answered for her, slapping the back of her hand against Debbie's knee. "She's a Dingle," she said as she pushed her hand in Charity's direction. "Fall for one of us and there's no going back."

 

Debbie raised her eyebrows and then hummed in agreement. She was right, after all.

 

Chas turned her expectant attention back to Charity and circled her wrist quickly in the space between them a few times. "So?"

 

Charity sighed again as her eyes fell closed. "It was brilliant," she confessed softly and her chest felt so warm and light she thought she might cry from the utter purity of it, but she didn't. Not then, and certainly not there. "It was like before," she continued, the silly smile still stretched across her face. "Like _before_ , before," and then the lightness faded, a bit. "Before the trouble..." but then she blinked a few times and brought herself out of it. "It was perfect, _she_ , was perfect," she sighed again as the memories continued to pull at her. "Just to feel her again..."

 

"Yeah alright we don't need the sordid details," Chas cut in, only half in jest.

 

This time Debbie slapped Chas' knee and she shushed her quite forcefully. "Carry on, mum," she said with a soft smile, knowing this wasn't _that_ kind of conversation. At least she hoped it wasn't.

 

The smile tugged once again on Charity's lips; the blissful sensations running keenly up and down her spine. "She made me feel like..." she stopped, still no good with words and emotions and how to adequately describe them so she sighed roughly and shook her head, scowling at herself internally. "I just love her so much," she blurted out in a rush, the words in that moment seeming to do what she actually felt absolutely no justice at all. She got up from the chair and paced the kitchen with an all out growl. "Ughhh! Why didn't I tell her before?!" she demanded, suddenly angry with herself.

 

Chas and Debbie were startled, watching Charity turn from smitten kitten to full on anguish so quickly they could well have suffered whiplash.

 

"Well," Chas blinked, not about to let her cousin get away with that one. "I did tell you-"

 

"Yeah alright!" Charity spat rather furiously, folding her arms tightly over her chest. "I don't need 'I told you so's' thank you very much."

 

Chas was very ready with a counter comment but Debbie spoke over her.

 

"But what did she actually _say_?" she asked, getting back to the subject at hand. Her eyes were soft and they seemed to calm her mum down quite a bit. "You must've talked about the two of you, right? Unless you spent the whole time making out?"

 

"You'd be surprised," Chas murmured. "Those two can go at it for hours without coming up for air."

 

Debbie plainly ignored her. "I know she loves you, mum, it's obvious," and it made Charity look down and examine her feet. "It is," Debbie reassured her. "So what did she _say_?"

 

Charity was anxious all over again. Easily. Her voice going all quiet and rather unsure. "She said she'd talk to her."

 

"Who?" Chas asked after a moment of silence, just to be sure. "Amanda?"

 

Charity glared at her. "No, Chas, bloody Pearl!" Her arms flung out at her sides and slapped down against her thighs, her eyes wide enough to almost reach her hairline. "Of course Amanda!"

 

"Alright!" Chas flinched back on the sofa. "Keep your hair on."

 

Debbie frowned. "So, what?" she asked as she flicked her palm up to the ceiling. "She's talking to her to.... call off the engagement? Dump her?"

 

The uncertainty rippled through Charity's body, crawling up her spine and scratching at the back of her throat. She assumed so, at least. It wasn't as if Vanessa had said exactly but, that _had_ to be what she meant. Charity was certain Vanessa felt it too, in the cellar, the belonging and the desire and the passion. The _love_. Every inch of it. It was undeniable so Vanessa couldn't have meant anything else, surely?

 

Charity pulled her chair out further this time and sat back down on it, leaning her elbows on her knees and her chin against her clasped hands. Her breath shook as she exhaled slowly. "I think so."

 

Debbie blinked at her. "You think so?"

 

Charity just bit on her lip.

 

Chas raised an eyebrow. "You didn't ask?"

 

Charity reared back a little and became defensive, again. "No, Chas, I didn't ask." She really had to work hard not to snap and instead she pulled in a long steadying breath. "But I know what she felt, yeah? When she was kissing me." Her eyes moved been her daughter and her cousin and all of a sudden they were pleading. Imploring, even, because she was too tired to keep battling and too fragile to believe what she was saying wasn't true. That just wasn't an option. "I _know_ how she feels, alright?" and this time it was a little firmer although her eyes betrayed her and became glossy. "It's the same," she nodded, and after a moment it made her audience nod, too. " _She_ feels the same."

 

Chas was quick to reach a hand out and squeeze reassuringly at Charity's knee and if her eyes were suddenly shining too, no one acknowledged it. "Of course she does," she whispered with a small smile, still nodding. "She never stopped."

 

The lump in Charity's throat was difficult to swallow and she had to blink a few times to keep herself in check. She felt emotionally drained and she didn't know how to place herself. She wanted to sleep but felt far too fidgety and as she sighed heavily, she broke eye contact with her cousin and leaned back heavily in her chair.

 

Debbie was struggling too and after her mother's gaze found her she got to her feet, stepped to Charity's side and grasped her shoulder affectionately, giving it a gentle shake before she moved into the kitchen. "I'll make us a brew, yeah?" She knew her mum wouldn't be able to sleep for a while and neither would she. Debbie hadn't seen her as emotional as this for years, two of them, actually and so there was no way she was going anywhere for a while either.

 

"Thanks, babe," Charity said over her shoulder, and Debbie hoped beyond hope Vanessa would come through.

 

**

 

"Ness! What are you doing here?" Rhona asked, interrupting Vanessa's vacant staring at the closed medicine cabinet.

 

Her hands were braced around the edge of the counter and it took Vanessa a good few moments to pull herself from her chaotic, rampant worry.

 

"Would've thought you'd still be celebrating," Rhona continued, not really paying her much mind as she put her bag down on the gurney in the middle of the room. "You know," she smiled, "still celebrating and all that."

 

When Vanessa finally turned around it hit Rhona squarely in the chest. "Oh my God," she gasped, taking a step toward her friend. "You look awful! Are you okay? What's happened?" She literally looked like she'd been dragged through a hedge.

 

Vanessa sighed dramatically as she closed her eyes, puffing her cheeks out before striding through the adjoining door and into Rhona's living room.

 

"Ness!" Rhona called after her, the concern worsening as she glanced at Pearl who undoubtedly had been watching the whole exchange with rapt interest.

 

"Don't look at me," Pearl shrugged, and then she lowered her voice as if she was imparting some great secret. "Half an hour she's been staring at that cabinet. Didn't even say good morning. I thought she was going to rob it-"

 

"Oh, Pearl, don't be ridiculous," Rhona chastised, shaking her head and then she followed Vanessa and made sure she closed the door firmly behind her once she'd passed through it.

 

She walked through into the kitchen and found Vanessa much in the same position as before, only this time she was staring at the kettle. "Ness," Rhona sighed delicately, "you're worrying me now." She took a few cautious steps closer. "Talk to me. It's not Johnny, is it?"

 

Vanessa shook her head and Rhona breathed a sigh of belief. She tried again.

 

"Amanda?"

 

Vanessa sighed again as she tilted her head up and her shoulders seemed to collapse in on themselves. "No," she breathed out wearily, turning around and folding her arms in front of her. "Not Amanda."

 

"What then? Did something happen last night?"

 

Vanessa finally met her gaze and Rhona had never seen her eyes look so washed out. She looked even paler than usual, too. "Charity," she answered quietly.

 

Rhona leaned her weight on her hip as she rolled her eyes. "Charity?" she might've known. "What's she done now?"

 

Vanessa bit on her bottom lip, hard. "She kissed me."

 

Rhona's eyes grew into golf balls and her mouth dropped open. "She kissed you?"

 

Vanessa nodded.

 

"Last night?"

 

Vanessa nodded again.

 

Rhona shifted from foot to foot and then frowned, a bit. "At your engagement party?"

 

Vanessa nodded a third time and then wrapped her palm around the back of her neck, her fingers squeezing the skin there firmly.

 

Rhona was lost for words and it took her a good few goes to manage to push something coherent out. "But... what..." and then she sighed. "Well, what did you do?"

 

Vanessa just looked at her as a million lines appeared across her forehead.

 

"Oh, Ness," Rhona beseeched. "Tell me you didn't."

 

Vanessa glowered and the guilt pulverised her all over again. "And not just once."

 

"Vanessa!" Rhona finally reproached, her expression turning accusatory and Vanessa actually felt a little better at having someone shout at her. "How could you?! And at your engagement party of all places!"

 

"I know!" Vanessa started but she knew it was hopeless. She deserved to have the kitchen sink thrown at her. "The engagement party you weren't at, by the way."

 

Rhona's jaw dropped open again. "I hope you're not blaming me!" and then she softened, a little, rubbing at her forehead tiredly. "Leo was throwing up all night, bless him."

 

Vanessa's brow furrowed. "Is he okay?"

 

"Yeah," Rhona sighed, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "Marlon's got him now. It's that bug that's going around. I'd keep Johnny away for a day or two, just to be safe."

 

"Will do," Vanessa smiled and then she sighed again, heavily.

 

Rhona eyed her carefully. She could've predicted this would happen sooner or later, and she'd long since given up telling Vanessa it was an inevitability. She was finding it hard to resist the urge to tell her she told her so and so she bit on her lower lip and actually chuckled, a little. It made Vanessa look at her with offence.

 

"Well," Rhona began, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I can't really say that I'm that surprised."

 

It was Vanessa's turn for her mouth to drop open. "Rhona!"

 

"Well I'm not," she squealed, her shoulders rising up a little. "Always had a hold over you, that one."

 

Vanessa threw her a sceptical look.

 

"She has. As much as you've had one over her, as well. It was always a matter of when with you two wasn't it? Not if."

 

Vanessa pushed out a breath and flopped her forehead down against the table top.

 

A moment passed before Rhona spoke again. "So what did Amanda say?"

 

"She doesn't know yet," Vanessa whined as she sat up more than agitated.

 

Rhona frowned again. "What?"

 

"Well soon as we got home she passed out on the sofa," Vanessa tried to defend herself. "I sat there, watching her all night thinking about how to tell her. What she'd say. Am I doing the right thing?"

 

Rhona nodded. "And?"

 

"Well when she woke up she was so sick and hungover I couldn't tell her that, could I?"

 

"Ness..."

 

"I couldn't," Vanessa grumbled, more than aware everything she was saying sounded like an excuse. "And then she left."

 

Rhona blew a breath out and shook her head. "Why was she so hungover?"

 

Sure enough there was the guilt again. Gnawing at her every edge. "Trace, Debs and Chas were keeping her distracted while me and Charity were in the cellar-"

 

"Vanessa!"

 

"Talking!" Vanessa was quick to tell her, her palms going out in front of her. "Just, talking."

 

Rhona glared at her in disbelief. "Talking about what?"

 

The anxiety was too loud, then, the thumping in her chest making her limbs shake a little. "Us," she swallowed uncomfortably, the panic inching up her throat. "Me and Charity. She told me she still loves me, Rhona."

 

Rhona just stared at her harder.

 

The admission made Vanessa sigh, though, long and hard and she just wished this could all be over. She wished she could turn back the clock two years and sort things out with Charity instead of breaking up. "I mean it's her. _Charity_ ," and then she had to blink back the tears. "It's _always_ been Charity."

 

Rhona nodded ruefully and a small smile tugged at her lips. "You love her too."

 

Vanessa felt her chest expand exponentially and when she spoke her voice was quiet. "I never stopped."

 

Rhona didn't think there was a person in the village who didn't know those two loved each other. As much of a mess as they'd made of it. "I know," she responded gently, "but you do know you _have_ to tell Amanda, right?"

 

"Oh I know," Vanessa nodded quickly, trying to tamper down that anxious feeling.

 

"And soon before someone else does. Nothing stays a secret in this village for long."

 

That was an understatement, Vanessa thought.

 

Rhona went to speak but then she stopped, not quite knowing how to broach what she was thinking. "Don't kill me," she started softly, and it made Vanessa worried. "Just playing devil's advocate though..." and then she raised her palms in the air in self defence. "Are you sure you've thought this through?"

 

Vanessa puffed out her cheeks and tipped her head to the side. "Rhona, I've done nothing _but_ think about this, all night-"

 

"Yes but, rationally," Rhona said rather cautiously. "You and Charity, you didn't work out last time."

 

"Rhona-" Vanessa warned.

 

"I just want you to be happy, Ness," she said sincerely. "And you've been happy with Amanda this past year or so. Happy enough to want to marry her-"

 

Vanessa sighed. "I know but..."

 

"Just, don't get caught up in the moment. You and Charity have worked hard to get to this point, you're friends and it works well with the boys. You must love Amanda, surely, or you wouldn't have said yes?"

 

Vanessa shook her head. "It's not the same though."

 

Rhona raised her brow. "What isn't?"

 

As bad as she felt, a soft and gentle smile pulled on Vanessa's lips. "The way I feel with Charity. I've _still_ never felt with anyone, the way I feel when I'm with her. It's something else, Rhona. Nothing else comes close."

 

It made Rhona nod slowly. "Then you need to be with her."

 

And then Vanessa smiled properly. "I know."

 

Rhona raised her eyebrows, deciding to change the subject a little. It was obvious Vanessa had made up her mind. "So, how did you leave things with Charity?"

 

Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face with her palms again.

 

"What?" Rhona asked, more than curious.

 

Vanessa practically growled in frustration. "This morning, Amanda left in a taxi and I made sure she got in okay."

 

"Yeah..."

 

Vanessa closed her eyes. "She kissed me didn't she and as the taxi drove past the pub Charity was there, out the front."

 

Rhona considered it. "And she was..."

 

Vanessa screwed up her face. "Maybe under the impression I might've already spoken to Amanda."

 

"Ah."

 

Vanessa sighed, exasperated. "I am going to tell her. I do want to be with Charity-"

 

Rhona moved her eyes to the side. "But you decided to come here instead and leave your fiancé clueless while the woman you want..." and then she shrugged, a bit, "probably thinks you've changed your mind?"

 

Vanessa groaned heavily. "It's such a mess."

 

"Ness," Rhona breathed. This really was a comedy of errors. "Go to the pub. Tell Charity whatever it is you need in order to reassure her and then," she shook her head, "call Amanda. You need to tell her it's over, if that's what you really want.

 

"It is," Vanessa answered firmly.

 

Before Rhona could respond Paddy barged in through the door without a second's thought as to what he might be interrupting. "What time is it?" he asked out of nowhere.

 

Rhona frowned heavily. "Err, half past nine, why?"

 

Vanessa rolled her eyes.

 

He picked up the kettle and started filling it. "Only half past nine and Charity's already got a face on her like the whole world's falling in."

 

Vanessa quickly became interested and threw a worried look at Rhona who flicked her eyes between the two of them.

 

"Stormed in the back room like hell had no fury. I tell you what..." and then he glanced over his shoulder at Vanessa. "Whatever happened at your party last night I'm glad I wasn't there to see it. Chas and Debbie looked scared to death."

 

Vanessa's eyes widened as Paddy focused back on the kettle.

 

"So uhmm, what did they say?" Rhona asked, trying her best to sound unconcerned.

 

Paddy shook his head and placed the kettle back on its base. "No clue. I took one look at Chas and made my excuses." He turned to Vanessa, his demeanour softening immensely. "You didn't rub it in her face too much, did you? I know you two ended a bit shakily but, she has got a heart down there somewhere and I think, it's kind of broken a bit, over there."

 

Vanessa blinked but before Rhona could say anything she was out of her chair and through the door in thirty seconds second flat.

 

Paddy took a stride into the middle of the room and peered after her. "I didn't mean you should-"

 

The door slammed shut and after a few moments of staring at it Paddy glanced sideways at Rhona. "I said something wrong, didn't I?"

 

Rhona rolled her eyes and smiled at him. "Probably." But at least it got her over there.

 

**

 

"Mum," Debbie sighed, more than a little agitated now. "Just go and ask her-"

 

"No!"

 

"Mum-"

 

"No, Debs," Charity fumed, her eyes wide and glaring as she stood over the other side of the living room. She was sick of this panicky feeling that hadn't left her since she'd confessed all to Vanessa the night before. Her heart was beating furiously and her chest shuddered every time she exhaled. She'd almost convinced herself that it was for the best, if Vanessa couldn't go through with it. Perhaps they were better off as they were, because she'd long since stopped putting her feelings out there like she did for Vanessa. "If she wants to talk to me, she can come here."

 

Debbie rolled her eyes. "Isn't that the attitude that got you in this mess in the first place?"

 

She couldn't answer that one. Charity averted her gaze.

 

Debbie threw her hands up in the air and nearly growled. "Just go and find out what's going on."

 

"I know what's going on!" Charity threw back, easily going on the attack as at least that was something she was used to. "She followed her down the path and kissed her goodbye." It made her shiver, actually, remembering it. To say it wasn't what she'd expected to see when she glanced down the road that morning at Tug Ghyll was an understatement. "If she'd ended it she wouldn't be doing that, would she? She'd be here, with me, but she's not, is she?"

 

Debbie's hands found her pockets and she bit on her lip, a little. "Well it's probably not that simple, is it?"

 

"Isn't it?"

 

"She's breaking up with her fiancé, Mum, for you!"

 

"So she said," Charity muttered.

 

Debbie pushed out a breath and actually grumbled. "She obviously cares about her, however much she loves you. You can't just expect her to blurt it out the next morning. She probably needs to find the right time."

 

"So why's she not replied to any of my texts? She knows I saw her-"

 

"Mum!" Debbie barked, silencing her rambling mother in an instant. "Give her chance, you don't know what's happening. It's never easy breaking someone's heart, is it?"

 

Charity sighed and seemed to relent, a little. She knew she was overreacting but she couldn't help it. She wanted Vanessa back and she knew she was being impatient. "Suppose not," she mumbled.

 

"So, go over and see if she's okay. I know she's in there, I saw her go in before I came here."

 

Charity sighed, her mind telling her to resist because it was easier to stay where she was than go to the vets and have Vanessa tell her something she didn't want to hear. "It's not that easy for me either, yeah?"

 

Debbie pulled her lips into a thin line. "I know, mum."

 

Charity started pacing, her hand coming up so she could nibble on the nail of her third finger. "I can't just go over there and ask, Debs. What if..." she trailed off, not wanting to actually put it into words.

 

"What if, what?"

 

Charity forced her hands down and slapped them on the outside of her thighs. She became agitated again, her movements getting a little erratic. "I'm just not ready, okay?"

 

"Mum-"

 

"No, Debs. I'm not!" She tried to ignore Debbie's pleading look but it was hard, and the faster her heart started to thump the faster she felt herself fall apart. When she looked at Debbie again her eyes were misty and her voice became a little scratchy as she spoke. "I mean what if..." she felt the panic rattle around her insides and she had to sink her hands into the sofa back to keep herself still. "What if she says no?"

 

Debbie's heart broke for her, then, and everything in her demeanour softened. She sighed as she tilted her head to the side. "She won't say no to you, mum."

 

"She might," Charity replied quickly. Quietly. Like if she said it softly enough there wouldn't be so much weight to it. She was wrong, though. "And then what?"

 

"Well," Debbie started, scratching at her forehead trying to find the right thing to say. She shrugged though, wanting to let her mum know it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't work out. Not that it wouldn't. Any idiot could see how much they meant to each other. "At least you'll know," she shrugged.

 

Charity frantically shook her head, then. "No," she quickly countered and then Charity pointed at her. "See, that can't happen-"

 

"But mum, she won't choose Amanda over you."

 

Charity looked down and shook her head, watching as her fingers pressed into the cushions.

 

"She won't," Debbie pressed, taking a few steps closer.

 

"She might," Charity choked and she felt like she was losing Vanessa all over again.

 

Debbie sighed as she again inched closer. She thought she needed to try and turn this around because the last thing she wanted was for her mother to break again. Last time was bad enough. "She won't mum, but... you know, you two have a great relationship now so, what would you lose?"

 

Charity looked up, caught Debbie's eye and after a few long moments she finally answered. "Hope," she whispered softly, and she felt her heart rate pick up again.

 

"What?" Debbie asked, her voice now quiet too.

 

"Hope, Debs," Charity sighed, her eyes blinking to keep her emotions at bay. It was hard, though, and then she looked down again. "I've always had hope. Always thought one day she'd come back to me." She swallowed hard as she licked her lips. "If she says no..." and then her voice stammered a bit. "What do I have then?"

 

"Mum," Debbie breathed as she quickly rounded the sofa and pulled Charity against her in a fierce hug. She ran her hands over her back and smoothed down her hair, her grip becoming tighter as she tried to offer her mum some comfort. "It's a good job she won't say no then, isn't it?"

 

It made Charity hiccup, a little, and after a good few moments she pulled back and wiped at her eyes, pulling in a huge lungful of air. "I really hope not, Debs," she muttered quietly, her fingers linked together in front of her.

 

Debbie squeezed her shoulder. "Have some faith."

 

Charity scoffed as she walked over to the kitchen, absolutely desperate for a brew. "I lost that year's ago."

 

Debbie smiled and was about to join her before the door flung open and Vanessa strode in, coming to a stop next to Debbie and looking rather anxiously at Charity.

 

"Sorry," Vanessa gasped after a moment, everyone glancing at each other waiting for someone else to speak. "Didn't mean to interrupt."

 

"You're not," Debbie answered, her eyes darting between the two of them.

 

Charity just stood there, her eyes wide and her anxiety shooting through the roof. Her heart was pounding as she took Vanessa in. Beautiful as always.

 

"You guys need to talk," Debbie continued after an awkward silence. "I'll leave you to it." She smiled at her mum encouragingly and then squeezed Vanessa's shoulder before she left.

 

**

 

Charity's arms quickly crossed over her chest and she looked anywhere but at Vanessa. She felt small and she didn't like it, not that the room had ever been that big but right then she felt like an inexperienced climber at the foot of Everest.

 

Vanessa's heart immediately sank. She wanted to go over and pull Charity into her arms but she only got a step closer before she stopped. That wasn't her place anymore, after all. Not yet. It didn't stop her chest from splitting open, though. She had no idea how to begin either; she'd rushed over without any forward thinking, just that she knew Charity was hurting and she was the reason for it so she had to be here to stop it. So now she was here and she had to say someth- "It wasn't what you-"

 

"What?" Charity interrupted, making Vanessa freeze and she stood there with her mouth still open a little, her eyes fluttering in surprise. "It wasn't what I what?"

 

After a moment of staring Vanessa sighed heavily and her shoulders flopped down. "This morning," she tried again. "It wasn't..." she trailed off, her eyes closing in frustration with herself.

 

It made Charity shrug as she turned to face the kettle. "Wasn't a crime to kiss your girlfriend last time I checked," she grumbled in what she hoped was indifference, however much it actually hurt and then she corrected herself. " _Fiancé_ ," she emphasised and then flicked on the kettle.

 

Vanessa sighed again. This Charity she knew, very well in actual fact. She moved closer but still left a good few feet between them. "She kissed me," she replied with a firm voice as she watched Charity fling teabags into mugs. "She left before I had chance to speak to her and I wasn't about to go into it on the path was I? I do mean what I said to you-"

 

"Right," Charity dismissed, still not turning around.

 

"Charity," Vanessa admonished, her tone even firmer but then she huffed, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling. She turned around and went to the sofa, flopping down onto it like it was the most relaxing thing in the world. She felt the exhaustion wash over her as her eyes fell on Charity who had at least turned around and was staring at her with a somewhat closed expression. "I'm shattered," she mumbled as she pleaded with Charity with her eyes. "I haven't changed my mind," she said softly after a moment of silence, and that seemed to make Charity soften. "Have you?"

 

"No," Charity answered quickly, albeit with a pout.

 

It made Vanessa smile, a little. "Good."

 

Charity walked over and sat down next to her on the sofa, mindful to leave a small gap between them.

 

"I'm sorry you saw that," Vanessa began, after a moment.

 

Charity shook her head. "No I... I shouldn't have reacted like that."

 

Vanessa smiled, then, sadly. "I wanted to tell her. I sat up all night thinking about what to say but-"

 

Charity raised her eyebrows, her fragility scaling up a few notches. "But?"

 

"Well I nodded off and when I woke up she was going out the door."

 

Charity looked at her for a few seconds and then she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat.

 

"What?" Vanessa asked, surprised at the reaction.

 

Charity scratched at her forehead a little. "I err, thought you were going to say you couldn't do it, or something."

 

Vanessa blinked at her, not quite believing that Charity still doubted everything this much. Or perhaps really, she could. It made her chest hurt even more. She reached across the space between them and covered Charity's hand with her own. "It won't be easy," she sighed as she squeezed at Charity's fingers. "But I'll do it," she nodded firmly. "I have to."

 

Charity looked away. "You don't _have_ to."

 

"Stop, okay?" Vanessa countered quickly. She tugged on Charity's hand to get her to look at her. "I mean what I said. _Every_ word. You're making me think you didn't," and that made Charity's brow jerk up, a bit. "That you're not sure of this-"

 

"I am," Charity interjected, angling herself more in Vanessa's direction and holding her gaze firmly. "You're the only thing I'm sure of."

 

"Then trust me-"

 

"I do."

 

A smile crept its way across Vanessa's face then, Charity's hand gripping hers back and squeezing tightly. "Good."

 

Charity smiled too and for the first time she actually felt like she might be able to sleep. She looked down and focused her attention on their hands. "I don't expect you to do it right away, though," she offered quietly, trying to be more reasonable than she felt. "I know it might take time for you to, you know," and then she looked up again. "Call it quits."

 

Vanessa appreciated the sentiment and to be honest it did make her shoulders feel a little lighter.

 

"I mean it can't be easy, can it?" Charity continued.

 

"That's an understatement," Vanessa scoffed. She was fully expecting it to be hell but it'd be more than worth it, and it was always dead cute watching Charity try to be unselfish. She loved this, her dynamic with Charity and she honestly couldn't wait for them to be together again so they didn't have to hold back. "But I'm doing it, Charity," and then she squeezed her hand again. "Soon as I can." She paused for a moment as she glanced down, gathering what little reserves she had left. She really was completely on the verge of sleeping where she sat. She found Charity's gaze again. "I want to be with you."

 

Charity wasn't sure of the last time she felt this happy. Well over two years ago that's for sure. She felt her chest expand as something deep inside her gut started fluttering. "Me too," she whispered, and then she had to look away before the adrenaline pumping beneath her skin made her lean forward and kiss her.

 

Vanessa looked at her, Charity Dingle all shy and emotional and fragile and all she wanted to do was hold her. If she did though Vanessa knew she'd never leave, and she really had to end things with Amanda before she did anything further with Charity. She already felt horrendously guilty for the making out they'd already done.

 

She cleared her throat as she let go of Charity's hand and got to her feet, choosing not to remember too vividly what Charity's lips felt like all over again. And her fingers, and her tongue. And the way her thigh felt betwee- "I should go," Vanessa breathed, making her way abruptly to the back door of the pub.

 

Charity was off the sofa and following her in an instant, catching up with her at the foot of the stairs. "You don't have to," she offered rather sheepishly, not being able to meet her gaze.

 

Vanessa felt her heart melt a little more. Nothing could describe how much she really did want to stay. "I should," she nodded slowly and it made Charity nod in return.

 

She met Vanessa's eyes for a moment. "Yeah," she sighed and then she looked away again.

 

"I want to," Vanessa said as she reached between them and hooked their little fingers together, her lips falling into a humorous grin. "But I really need to sleep."

 

Charity shrugged her head to the side. "I wasn't suggesting anything else," she smirked with more than a little suggestion in her eyes.

 

Vanessa smirked too as she hummed. "I bet," and then she lowered her voice to something near a purr. "Going to sleep with you, Charity Dingle, is only going to lead to one thing."

 

Charity's eyebrow flicked up at the thought. She pulled Vanessa just a little bit closer. "Tease," she husked.

 

Vanessa let herself go to Charity, freely, and she pushed herself up as Charity dipped her head and breathed in the scent at Vanessa's neck. She hummed lightly as Vanessa hugged her close.

 

"Get some sleep," Vanessa whispered, smiling widely as Charity's hands enveloped her waist, the feeling of her fingers never failing to send Vanessa's pulse into overdrive.

 

Vanessa sighed deeply and Charity could barely resist the urge to push her lips against the column of her throat. It was so tempting she had to reluctantly pull away. So very, _very_ reluctantly and her hands remained on Vanessa's hips, her forehead moving up and resting firmly against the flat of Vanessa's.

 

There were many things she wanted to say, like how much she couldn't wait to hold Vanessa in her arms in bed again. To wrap themselves around each other and fall asleep together; to wake up and find her nose buried in that messy blonde hair. It was too much, though, and Charity would never be able to put it into words so all she could do was breathe out roughly, squeeze Vanessa's hips tightly and press a slow kiss against her forehead.

 

Vanessa's hands had slipped around to Charity's upper arms and she squeezed them in response, smiling broadly at the familiarity of it all. Of _her_. "We need to talk about it, though, don't we?" she asked and it made Charity pull back even further.

 

She frowned heavily. "Huh?"

 

Vanessa looked at her. "About how we broke up," and she rubbed at Charity's arms again. "I think we need to discuss it so we don't run into the same problems this time."

 

Charity just blinked at her, still frowning and at a complete loss as to what to say. She pursed her lips to speak, her frown growing deeper but then she stopped, absolutely no words coming out at all. She sucked in a breath and her gaze drifted off to the side, Vanessa looking at her in stark seriousness.

 

A moment passed before Vanessa burst out in a grin, pushing up on her toes to press a quick kiss to Charity's lips. "Just kidding," she smirked and then she winked at her, letting go of her arms and then opening the door just behind her. "I'll text you later," she said, still smirking with a far too smug expression on her face, in Charity's humble opinion.

 

Charity approached the door as Vanessa disappeared through it and finally her lips broke out into a smile. "Yeah you better," she muttered after her, breathing in a huge sigh of relief as she watched her go.

 

**

 

Time was dragging in the bar that night. Each second feeling like an eternity as Charity huffed out breath after breath as she glanced time and again at her phone.

 

"Oh my God call her!" Chas implored rather loudly, placing Jimmy's pint in front of him on the bar and then she turned to face Charity who was loitering like a spare part at the hatch. "You'll bring on a panic attack with all that heavy breathing."

 

Charity threw her a look. "I'm not calling her."

 

"Well text her then. Do something," and then she looked around the pub. "You're putting the punters off their ale."

 

"I can't!" Charity whined. "I don't want to seem desperate."

 

Chas rolled her eyes. "But you are desperate."

 

Charity scowled at her. "Thanks."

 

Chas walked over to her, then, and softened her tone quite dramatically. "Look, its fine to ask how she is, you know. See what's going on..."

 

Charity sighed again. "I said she didn't need to rush though, didn't I?" she muttered like it was the worst thing she'd ever said. "I can't tell her to take her time then call to ask if she's dumped her yet."

 

Chas was looking at her as if she'd grown another head. "Since when did you care what you'd told people? Two weeks ago you assured me you'd booked the DJ for disco night."

 

Charity rolled her eyes. "Well that was a stupid idea anyway," she grumbled.

 

"And did the DJ turn up?"

 

"Alright," Charity sneered, pulling a face. "We get your point," she muttered. "This is different though, isn't it? _This_ is important."

 

Chas leaned abruptly against the bar, turning a palm up in the air. "Glad to know our livelihood is as high on your priority list as always."

 

"Will you give the disco night a rest, Chas?!" Charity fumed, her demeanour suddenly growing animated. "The place is hardly disco sized, it would've never worked." She was honestly sick to death of her cousin bringing this up and then she shrugged, trying for nonchalant. "Night turned out fine anyway, in the end."

 

Chas raised her eyebrows. "If you call bloody awful singing till all hours fine then-"

 

"Err my singing was brilliant, thank you very much!"

 

Charity's phone buzzed loudly on the bar causing them both to stop and stare at it wide eyed. They then looked at each other before both moving toward it, the anticipation rather high after the last few hours of anxious waiting. They both stopped and Charity reached for it, her hand hovering in the air before she retracted it.

 

She glanced at Chas. "I can't," she gasped, pleading at her with her eyes.

 

Chas didn't need asking twice. She snatched up the phone and unlocked the message and then sighed, rolling her eyes. "False alarm," she said as she handed Charity the phone, turning around to make them both a drink.

 

Charity's heart thumped in both relief and utter disappointment. "Debs," she sighed, reading her daughter's text and then she rolled her eyes. "'Has she dumped her yet?'" She slipped her phone into her back pocket and then pressed her face into her palms, only moving when she heard the pub door slam open and some heels hurriedly clipping in her direction.

 

Amanda rounded the bar and came to an abrupt halt a few paces from Charity, the fury rolling through her expression like the gates of hell wouldn't even hold her back. Chas braced herself just beyond the hatch ready to jump in when needed.

 

Amanda's eyes flicked down and up Charity's body in utter condemnation. "I should've known," she spat, her body physically straining to stay still.

 

Charity was expecting something more but when nothing came she swept her eyes from side to side and raised her eyebrows, a bit. "Should've known what?" she asked with mild trepidation. Truth be told she was quite impressed; she'd only ever seen Amanda all meek and irritatingly smiley and full of herself. This version of her was fairly intimidating, if Charity was the easily intimidated type.

 

Amanda seemed to shake even more then, and her teeth flashed as she spoke. "That you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. Women like you, they're all the same."

 

Charity's back immediately straightened and her shoulders curled forward, her eyes setting into a dangerous glare.

 

"Oi, lady," Chas jumped in, raising a finger at Amanda. "Wind your neck in-"

 

"No, Chas," Charity cut her off, a predatory smile gracing her lips and her tone rather breezy. "Let her have her say."

 

Amanda took a half step back from both of them but raked her eyes over Charity once more. "You couldn't leave her alone could you?" and then her eyes started to shine, the hurt well and truly sinking in and then her voice began to shake. "Couldn't let us be happy."

 

Charity quickly felt conflicted. She wanted to nail Amanda for her previous comment but she also knew what it was like to lose Vanessa. It was devastating, and in all honestly Amanda was only blaming the person at fault. Charity licked her lips and her stance softened a little. "Look, it wasn't my intention, right?"

 

Amanda scoffed. "Of course it wasn't-"

 

"It _wasn't_ ," Charity repeated firmly and then she shrugged her shoulders. "It just happened."

 

"Yeah, course it did," Amanda pressed, her tone becoming angry again. "You just _happened_ to throw yourself at her, did you?"

 

Charity rolled her eyes. "I-"

 

Amanda threw up a hand. "Don't even start to deny it. Whatever happened, she was _my_ fiancé, not yours. You had your chance, this was mine!"

 

Charity knew she should feel worse. Knew she should feel an excessive amount of guilt for what she and Vanessa had done to the woman in front of her but, the _only_ thing she could focus on was the first 'was' in that sentence, and it practically sent her heart a-flutter.

 

"But you ruined it," Amanda continued, catching Charity's attention once more. "Because you _could_."

 

Charity looked at her then, properly, and her expression turned to one of sincerity. "Because I love her."

 

There was complete silence for a moment and all Charity could hear were the sounds of her own breathing.

 

Eventually Amanda glanced down and she chuckled sardonically, her eyes flicking up a second later awash with tears once again. "I love her too," she whispered, and Charity felt a whole world of guilt then. "You're lucky," Amanda continued, her forehead wrinkling with the sorrow she felt and then she nodded at herself, a little. "I always knew she was in love with you."

 

Charity reared up a bit at that, the surprise landing on her like a tonne of bricks. She swallowed and felt her throat go raw. "Really?" she breathed, a moment passing where she let her vulnerability shine through.

 

Amanda held her gaze for a second longer and then she dropped it to the floor, pulling in a rather long breath as she blinked a few times, trying to keep it together. "You should do a better job of keeping her this time," she said not completely unkindly. "She won't hang around for you a third time." She took another few steps back, the fight in her all but collapsed. "Take care of her, Charity," she said softly before she turned around and headed for the door.

 

"I will," Charity answered, just as Amanda disappeared through it.

 

The bar remained in silence as everyone stared at the now closed door, Charity standing stock still trying to process what just happened. Chas finally blew out the breath she'd been holding as the gentle murmur of quiet conversation started up again. Chas looked at her cousin as a faint smile tugged at her lips.

 

"So," Jimmy sighed aloud, his eyes wide and hand gripped firmly around his pint. "Do you think she's ended it then?"

 

Everyone ignored him and Charity finally swept her eyes to Chas.

 

"What are you waiting for?" Chas exclaimed, throwing both of her hands into the air. "Get round there!"

 

The grin grew wider across Charity's face and she leaned a palm against the bar so she could take the weight off, for a moment. She tilted her head to the side and couldn't help the tiny flicker of doubt pull at her confidence. "Maybe I should wait for her to call-"

 

"Go!" Chas ordered, thrusting a finger at the door and then Charity was gone before she could change her mind.

 

**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will they get back together? Will Charity propose? Will Vanessa change her mind? Some angst in this one but also a LOT of Vanity fluff :) what could be better? Also a lil bit of smut for the festive season ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you enjoy this last installment of The Cape. Thanks to EVERYONE who has left me feedback and got in touch about this story, it's made me so happy knowing you all enjoyed it :) I hope you all have a great holiday, and a fabulous New Year! As always if you wanna chat come find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/talented_gemx) or [tumblr](http://talentedgemx.tumblr.com). Much love x

Charity burst in through the slightly ajar door of Tug Ghyll like a bat out of hell. Like the sight of the open door hadn't made her heart plummet through her chest but as soon as she came to a stop just behind the sofa, her heart taking its anxiety out on her ribs she eased just a little, seeing that Vanessa was in one piece.

 

One piece though but not much else, and Charity's anxiety soon picked up again as she took in Vanessa's red rimmed eyes and hitching chest.

 

Charity's eyes widened and she gasped, a little, the adrenaline from Amanda's visit, the brisk jog to Tug Ghyll and the excitement of what all this meant, if she was honest, but that swiftly vacated her when she saw the pain on Vanessa's beautiful face.

 

Vanessa was stood just to the side of the fridge, her back not an inch away from the unit in almost exactly the same spot as when Charity first told her she loved her. She was distraught now though, her face full of anguish and her arms wrapped around her middle as they held each others' gaze for a moment.

 

It was only a moment but it felt like much longer and Charity was certain her heart had stopped beating but then Vanessa's face fell, her forehead creasing as a sob escaped her lips and Charity was over to her in an instant, Vanessa gladly falling into her arms as soon as she reached for her.

 

Charity wrapped her arms firmly around Vanessa's shoulders, squeezing her tight as Charity tipped the side of her face against the top of her head. Charity felt her heart break as she tried to reassure Vanessa, her lips forming comforting words and soothing sounds as her hands rubbed gently across her back. It felt as if it was all her fault, again, why Vanessa was in tears and so she promised it would all be okay, because Charity would be damned if she wouldn't make it happen.

 

Vanessa sniffled into Charity's neck, trying as much as she could to hold back the intensity of her sobs. She hadn't expected Charity to be the one she cried to about this, and was as surprised as anything when she was the one who came running through her door but to be honest, she was very glad that it was.

 

Nobody held her like Charity did. No one could sooth her or calm her, or felt as familiar as _she_ did and certainly no one could wrap themselves around her more perfectly. Vanessa sunk into her and breathed her in heavily, her one arm around Charity's waist pulling her close and her other one squeezed up between them, her hand gripping onto the material of her top just over her chest.

 

Charity's words were helping although Vanessa couldn't really make them out. It was the sound of her voice and the way Vanessa could almost feel the vibrations through her skin as Vanessa pushed her nose further into the crook of Charity's neck. It calmed her like nothing else and she felt her chest ease a little, especially when Charity pressed her lips to the crown of her head again. It made her feel better but then she felt bad because she felt better. Vanessa had just ended her two year relationship with the woman she was going to marry, after all. She had no right to feel better after up-ending someone's life like that, for breaking the heart of someone she cared deeply about-

 

Vanessa sighed as she turned her face into Charity's shoulder, inhaling her scent and the memories of a thousand occasions when she had done the same thing for comfort before. She closed her eyes and pulled away a little, needing for a moment that tiny bit of distance.

 

Charity looked down at her and Vanessa could feel the intensity of it without even looking. "I'm so sorry, Ness," Charity murmured, and when Vanessa looked up she could see the level of emotion building up in her eyes, too.

 

Vanessa shook her head, though. "You don't need to be sorry."

 

"I do though," Charity continued softly, her hands slipping slightly down Vanessa's back. "It is my fault, isn't it?" She looked away a bit. "She is gone because of me."

 

Vanessa's brow furrowed. "How do you know?" she asked after a beat. She hadn't told her, so there was no way she could possibly know. Vanessa could've been stood crying in her kitchen for any number of reasons. For all Charity knew Amanda could be asleep upstairs.

 

"She told me," Charity replied but Vanessa just blinked at her a few times, rather stunned. "Amanda she err, came to the pub and let me have it, didn't she."

 

Vanessa's eyebrows nearly flew off her forehead. "She didn't?" she said rather incredulously, moving back another few inches.

 

Charity shrugged a shoulder. "She did, babe."

 

Vanessa's jaw dropped open a little, not quite believing it. "Well, what did she say?" Honestly though she wasn't too surprised, Amanda was a bit bolshie like that, argumentative. Wouldn't think twice about throwing accusations around, it was one of the things that drew Vanessa to her in the first place. Kind of reminded her of-

 

"What didn't she say, babe?" Charity sighed as her arms folded across her chest. "Threw a few insults at me, said it was all my fault. That I'd taken you from her." She dipped her head so she could catch Vanessa's eye. "I mean she's not wrong, is she?"

 

The guilt inside Vanessa's chest stepped up its pace again. "I guess not," she muttered, her hands dropping from Charity's hips as she moved over to the sofa, plonking herself down on it. "Well it's _our_ fault, Charity," she said firmly, "not just yours."

 

Charity watched her for a moment before she tentatively took a seat next to her, leaving a little space between them. "I wasn't expecting you to do it this quick though, if I'm honest," she commented as she bit on her bottom lip.

 

"Me neither," Vanessa responded with a huff as she pressed her fingertips against her forehead for a moment before letting out a huge sigh. "She was talking about the future. You know, making plans." Tears pricked at her eyes again and the worry lines were clear on her face. There was no way she could let Amanda think things were going ahead, not when she knew it was over. She just couldn't hear it. She shook her head. "It just came out," and then her head flopped onto the back of the sofa as she squeezed her eyes shut. "It was awful."

 

Charity nodded slowly. She could well imagine. She pressed her lips together and then rested her gaze on Vanessa's face. She was easily the most beautiful person in any room. "I'm glad you did, though," she offered gently, the corners of her mouth twitching up slightly.

 

Vanessa smiled despite the overwhelming guilt she felt gnawing at her insides and when she opened her eyes, the sparkle in Charity's made everything bearable. She reached for Charity's hand and squeezed it. "Me too," she whispered, never meaning anything more in her life.

 

A moment passed between them before Charity glanced down, that look Vanessa always used to give her coming back full throttle and it was almost too much for Charity to take. She squeezed Vanessa's hand in return and ran her thumb over her knuckles. "Do you err..." she began with a large intake of breath. "Want a brew?" she asked as she blinked back her emotion. "Or something stronger?" she chuckled.

 

Vanessa knew exactly what Charity was doing, and it made her whole body light up that she could still read her just as much as she always could. It made her smile deepen and she tugged on Charity's hand. "Just you," she answered and then she tried to pull her closer. "With your arms around me would be good."

 

Charity beamed, almost forgetting that love could be like this. Tiny things able to make her so happy she could hardly breathe. She shuffled closer and pulled Vanessa against her, her arms fitting around her snugly as Vanessa relaxed into her chest. It was wonderful, and Charity kissed the top of her head for good measure.

 

They sat like that for a while. Neither of them knowing for how long but neither of them caring. It was bliss, and Charity honestly hadn't felt so happy in over two years. Having Vanessa this close to her again was heavenly and she really didn't want to let her go.

 

Vanessa was certain she should feel more chaotic, and just ten minutes ago she felt precisely that but the sound of Charity's heartbeat beneath her ear was quietening her nerves considerably. She felt like no one could touch them while they were together like this, and there was no way she'd let anything come between them again.

 

"I love you so much," Charity whispered softly into Vanessa's hair, her breath disturbing a few errant strands atop her head. She sighed as she squeezed her tighter, and Vanessa smiled into her chest.

 

"I love you too," Vanessa returned, reaching up a little and pressing a kiss against the base of Charity's throat.

 

It made Charity shiver and then she tilted her head down, her lips brushing against Vanessa's temple as Vanessa angled her head up, both of their eyes closing as they brushed their lips together.

 

Tracy barged in through the front door causing them both to spring apart. "I came as soon as I could..." and then she stopped dead just to the side of the sofa, glaring wide eyed at the pair of them. "Oh, sorry," she apologised, somewhat calmer than when she came in and then she raised an eyebrow. "Am I interrupting something?"

 

There was space between Vanessa and Charity again, not much but enough for them both to feel it. Vanessa was leaning against the arm of the sofa as her hand combed roughly through her hair, Charity sitting forwards a little with her hands clenching firmly at the sofa cushions beneath her.

 

Vanessa glanced sideways at Charity. "Err, no," she breathed, getting to her feet and it was only then that Tracy noticed how upset she looked. How red and puffy her eyes were.

 

"Vee, are you okay?" she gasped, reaching out to her. "What's happened?"

 

Vanessa looked away and frowned, kind of regretting calling her sister as soon as Amanda stormed out. "Nothing," she shook her head. "I'm fine."

 

"You're not," Tracy fired back, getting more concerned by the second. "So why did you call me then? You've obviously been crying." Vanessa just glanced again at Charity and with no answer forthcoming Tracy threw her a glare, too. "Is this you? What've you said?"

 

That sprung Vanessa into action. She held out an arm to shield Charity from the accusation and took a small step in front of her. "Charity hasn't done anything," she said firmly, feeling Charity stand up behind her. "This isn't her fault."

 

"Inadvertently, maybe," Charity mumbled as she shrugged a shoulder but it didn't appease Tracy any. She just glared at them even harder.

 

It made Vanessa sigh heavily as she pinched at the bridge of her nose. "Look, can you just give us ten minutes, please?" she asked her sister sternly but just received a quizzical look in reply. "Trace, please?" she tried again, a little more softly this time. "Ten minutes, and then I'll tell you everything."

 

Tracy thawed a bit, then, seemingly accepting that nothing untoward was happening. She wasn't about to leave before she got any answers though, as Vanessa had been in a right state when she called her earlier. "Okay," she responded after a moment and then pointed between the two of them. "But I want to know what's going on here, right?" Vanessa nodded. "Something's happened and I wanna know what."

 

Vanessa heaved in a breath and smiled a little. "I promise."

 

"Right well, I suppose I need the loo," Tracy continued as she moved toward the stairs, fixing Charity with a final glare. "And you, lady, I'll be catching up with you tomorrow."

 

"Can't wait," Charity muttered and then Tracy disappeared up the stairs.

 

There were a few moments of silence before Charity slid her hands into her back pockets while Vanessa turned around to face her.

 

"So you called Tracy, huh?" Charity asked quietly.

 

Vanessa gazed at her softly. "Yeah," she sighed as she bit on her lip. "I didn't know what to do did I? So I called her."

 

Charity nodded and looked at her feet. "Right."

 

Vanessa was quick to reach out and she pulled on Charity's belt loop. "Well, I didn't particularly want you to see me like this."

 

Charity just frowned at her. She'd seen her in all kinds of states, over the years.

 

"A mess," Vanessa clarified. "Not really a romantic reunion is it? Me crying over my ex."

 

Charity tilted her head as she considered it. "Hmm, maybe."

 

Vanessa tugged on her belt loop a little harder, trying to convey it wasn't something Charity should worry over.

 

It made Charity grin a little and she looked down at her, clear affection shining in her eyes. "I'm here no matter the reason," she whispered softly. "You know that, yeah?"

 

Vanessa practically melted on the spot, the smile easily stretching across her face as she felt her body react to Charity's words. Soft, caring and affectionate Charity was definitely one of her favourites. She couldn't even begin to fathom how much she'd missed her and then she nodded as her heart skipped a beat.

 

"And for the record," Charity continued, stepping closer so their bodies were almost touching and her voice lowered to that deep rumble that never failed to make Vanessa's pulse pick up. "Mess or not, you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

 

"Charmer," Vanessa swooned as her heart fluttered wildly in her chest, her hands snaking slowly around Charity's hips. Charity was hovering over her now and it was making Vanessa dizzy. "I want to do this right, though," she said as she cleared her throat, struggling to move the lump that had formed there and then she took half a step back. "Not rushed and not with me, like this."

 

The confusion was apparent and thick on Charity's face, her brow furrowing quite heavily not understanding what Vanessa was getting at. Her hands were still warm on Charity's hips however, so she took that as a good sign.

 

"No I just mean," Vanessa carried on, tugging on Charity's top as she knew that hadn't come out right at all. "Tonight I need to sort my head out. Process things, and I want to tell Johnny what's going on first thing." She didn't exactly think him seeing Charity stroll out of her bedroom in the morning was the best way to let him know they were back together, regardless of how much she wanted Charity to take her upstairs.

 

"I get it," Charity replied, even though there was a part of her that was quickly worried. She knew Vanessa had a point, and she couldn't help but smile at idea of how happy Moses was going to be. Finally some news that would make Noah smile at her rather than scowl. "I'll give you whatever you need," she said earnestly, and it flooded Vanessa with warmth.

 

Vanessa nodded, and her hands gripped back on Charity's hips. "How about a kiss?" she asked softly, a little nervously although she had no idea why.

 

"I thought you'd never ask," Charity grinned as she dipped her head and closed her arms around Vanessa's shoulders.

 

"And then tomorrow night, you can take me out," Vanessa breathed as her eyes fell closed, her head tipping back just a little.

 

Charity paused before she lightly brushed their lips together. "Oh yeah?" she responded, pecking Vanessa's lips softly. "That your idea of doing things right, is it?"

 

Her voice was low again and it sent a shiver right down Vanessa's spine and all of a sudden she was done with talking. She grabbed Charity's top and pulled her flush against her. "God yes," she breathed hotly and then she crashed their lips together.

 

**

 

When Vanessa got to the bottom of the stairs the next morning Tracy and Johnny were already sitting at the table, just finishing off breakfast.

 

"Hey, Vee," Tracy greeted, getting up and taking the dishes over to the sink. "Sleep well?"

 

Vanessa stopped by the table and placed her hand on top of Johnny's head. "Surprisingly well," she replied as she leaned down and kissed his temple. "Morning young man."

 

Johnny squirmed away from her kiss which made her grab him and tickle his sides.

 

"Oi! Cheeky," Vanessa grinned as Johnny started giggling. She ruffled his hair and stepped over to Tracy. "Has he been okay?"

 

Tracy picked up two mugs of tea and passed one to her sister. "Course he has. My nephew's always a good lad! Aren't you Johnny?"

 

Johnny was still giggling. "Yes!"

 

Vanessa raised her eyebrows. "Well I don't know about that," she began in a teasing tone. "Leave him alone with Moses for two minutes and they run amuck."

 

"Moz!" Johnny piped up, still laughing.

 

Tracy laughed too. "Well that's the Dingle influence, isn't it," and then she looked at Vanessa, lowering her voice conspiratorially. "A certain Dingle has been leading you astray recently too, from what I've heard."

 

Vanessa whacked her forearm with the back of her hand. "Shhhh!" and then she looked at Johnny who was finishing off his toast. "I need to tell him first don't I?"

 

Tracy nodded. "Still telling him, then?"

 

Vanessa frowned at her. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

 

"Just, making sure," Tracy defended. "I just want you to be happy."

 

Vanessa smiled warmly and sipped at her tea. "Me too. Charity's always been the one though, you know that."

 

Before Tracy could respond Johnny's attention snapped to them as soon as he heard Charity's name.

 

His eyes widened in delight. "Charity!"

 

Tracy's smile grew. "Ohh oh, you're in trouble now, Vee." He always got overexcited when he thought Charity was picking him up.

 

"Is she coming over?" he asked happily, a massive smile on his face.

 

"Err yeah," Vanessa nodded, putting her mug down on the side. "Actually, I've got something to ask you, about Charity."

 

His eyes lit up even more, at that. Tracy squeezed her shoulder as she went over to the sofa to give them a bit of privacy.

 

"What is it?" Johnny asked, turning to her a little on his chair.

 

Vanessa came over and crouched down beside him. "It's to do with Amanda, too," she started as she placed a hand on his leg.

 

"Oh," Johnny responded a whole lot more glumly.

 

It made Vanessa smile, a little. "I thought you liked Amanda?"

 

"Yeah," he mumbled as he averted his eyes, but then his face lit up again. "But not like Charity."

 

"Ah," Vanessa nodded knowingly. "Charity's different, is she?"

 

Johnny nodded enthusiastically. "Charity's the best!"

 

Vanessa nodded again. "I see. I'll tell her that then, shall I? You see, I might be seeing her later."

 

Johnny's eyes widened dramatically. His mum and Charity didn't really spend time together anymore. Especially 'alone' time. Very occasionally they all did things together like at birthday's but generally it was either him, Moses and Charity or him, Moses and his mum. So this was very exciting news indeed.

 

"You see, darling," Vanessa continued, sensing that her son was now on tenterhooks. "Amanda's gone for a bit, and erm...me and Charity might start seeing more of each other," she paused as Johnny gasped in a breath, his little face smiling emphatically. "Would you like that?"

 

Johnny was nodding wildly before she'd even finished her sentence and it didn't escape Vanessa that he didn't seem bothered about Amanda at all. "Is she moving in?" he blurted, because if Charity moved in that meant Moses and Noah would too and Johnny was very, _very_ interested in that.

 

Tracy let out a laugh from the sofa.

 

"Err not yet, sweetheart," Vanessa replied, trying desperately to hold her own laughter in, especially when Johnny's face dropped like that was the worst news ever. She caught his eyes again. "But we'll see, okay?

 

Johnny paused for a moment as he considered this deeply. It was still good news that his mum and Charity would see more of each other because he'd see her more too, and that would be awesome because no one was as fun as Charity. Maybe even he and Moses could burst in on them in a morning again and jump on them in bed. They'd done that a few times before and it was always really funny. His mum always grumbled a bit at them but Charity found it hilarious. Apart from that one time when Charity was less than pleased and his mum had given her that 'I told you so' look and then laughed at Charity's annoyed face.

 

Anyway, Johnny decided this news was acceptable and so he nodded his consent and it made his mum's face light up happily so it made him happy, too.

 

Tracy was still chuckling a bit over on the sofa. "Don't worry kiddo, she'll be moved in before you know it."

 

"Err, Tracy!" Vanessa reprimanded, shooting her a stern glare.

 

"Oh give over! You know I'm right."

 

"Yeah well," Vanessa said quietly, getting to her feet. "We don't know, do we?"

 

Tracy pulled a face. "I know."

 

Johnny abruptly slid off his chair and ran for the stairs.

 

"Err, where are you going?" Vanessa called after him.

 

"To phone Moz," he shouted as he bounded up the stairs, clearly still very excited.

 

Vanessa followed him to the bottom of the stairs. "Wait!" and then she looked at Tracy. "What if Charity's not told him yet?"

 

"She has."

 

Vanessa raised a brow at her.

 

"She's told all her lot."

 

Vanessa moved over to the sofa. "How'd you know?"

 

"She text me last night."

 

Vanessa blinked a few times. "Why? You never said," she said as she sat down next to her sister.

 

Tracy looked at her softly. "She wanted to know if you were okay."

 

Vanessa felt that right in her chest and it almost made her blush.

She went a bit shy, all of a sudden. "Did she?"

 

Tracy smiled warmly. "Yeah. Big softie really, int' she?"

 

Vanessa bit on her bottom lip and then sighed as she grinned like a lovesick teenager. "She is."

 

Tracy rolled her eyes. "Alright stop it. We don't all have two people battling for our affections."

 

"Ugh," Vanessa grumbled, swiftly coming back down to earth. "Don't."

 

Tracy did feel bad about bringing Amanda up. "Have you heard from her?"

 

Vanessa shook her head. "No. Don't think I will to be honest. Not for a while."

 

"What you going to do with her stuff?"

 

Vanessa huffed out a breath. "There's not much here. I'll box it up and send it to her work, if I don't hear from her."

 

Tracy nodded and then after a moment she smiled widely. "You'll want to do that before Charity moves in."

 

Vanessa grinned a little then, too, but then she frowned. "I am doing the right thing, aren't I?"

 

Tracy nearly choked on her mouthful of tea. "Are you kidding me? You've told Johnny now and that boy will _not_ forgive you if he's not getting his fun mum back."

 

"No I mean..." and then Vanessa paused, throwing Tracy a look. "I mean I feel like I should do something. Show her that I really want her. That I love her."

 

"I think she knows, Vee. You've dumped your fiancé for her isn't that enough?"

 

"But that's it though," Vanessa continued, trying to get her point across. "I was going to marry Amanda so I want Charity to know that you know, it wasn't the same."

 

Tracy furrowed her brow. "You've lost me."

 

Vanessa sighed and shifted a little on the sofa. "Like what I feel for Charity, it's different, you know? It's, _more_."

 

Tracy tilted her head to the side. "I think Charity knows she's the love of your life."

 

"You think so?" Vanessa wasn't convinced.

 

Tracy thought it was rather obvious, to be fair. "Well if she doesn't she's the only one in the whole village."

 

Vanessa was on one now though. She felt like she needed to prove to Charity just how much she meant to her. "I just want to make sure she knows it," Vanessa groaned as she exhaled deeply. "If I'd gone after her two years ago and not taken no as an answer-"

 

"You did try, Vee," Tracy interrupted.

 

"Mmm not hard enough, though," Vanessa responded, her brow pulled down in thought. "I want her to know I'm never gonna give up on her again."

 

Tracy was a little unsure but then she knew what her sister was like once she'd convinced herself of something. She shook her head and then smiled. "Okay then, do something tonight. Something she's not expecting."

 

A moment or so passed as Vanessa nodded, thinking hard about what she could possibly do and then a sly smile started to spread itself across her face. "I know," she said rather smugly, and Tracy braced herself for what she hoped wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

**

 

The ring really was beautiful. Charity could remember exactly when she bought it, and where from. She'd agonised over it, wanting to make sure it was perfect, that Vanessa would love it, and then of course she agonised over whether she should buy it at all. She remembered now, as she gazed down at it, standing in her room wondering all over again if she should do it. If she could actually ask her and not bottle it like she did the last time. She knew they were meant to be, and there'd never be anyone else that she'd feel this way about. Not a chance, but surely now wasn't the right time.

 

"Are you going to ask her?"

 

Charity nearly jumped out of her skin as she spun around and glared at Rebecca who was standing in her doorway, peering at her with a pointed curiosity. "Jesus Christ, Rebecca!" Charity gasped, leaning over a bit with a hand on her hip.

 

"Well, are you?"

 

Charity rolled her eyes and then looked at the ring again which she was clutching in her hand. "No," Charity frowned, quickly on the defensive. "I don't know."

 

Rebecca folded her arms over her chest. "Well that didn't go too well for you last time. Didn't you break up with her a month or something after you decided _not_ to ask her?"

 

Charity full on scowled at her, then, and her mouth fell open. "No, I didn't!" she defended, even though she did and then she threw her hand out at her side. "How is it you can't remember the special's board but you _can_ remember that?"

 

Rebecca shrugged. "I didn't till just now."

 

Charity sighed. "Well I suppose that's something. What're you doing up here anyway?" she asked as her eyes widened. "Did you forget where the bar is? Here's a clue. It's downstairs."

 

Rebecca just blinked at her. "No. Vanessa's here. Thought you might like to know."

 

Charity's face fell as her heart started thudding against her ribs. "What?" she breathed. "She's here?"

 

Rebecca nodded. "That's what I said."

 

"You're supposed to lead with the important things, you know!" Charity was as anxious as she'd ever been and it just made her even more irritable.

 

Rebecca narrowed her eyes. "I did," and then she nodded at the ring in Charity's hand. "Ask her. She won't say no."

 

Charity grumbled as she sighed. "Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me."

 

"Well," Rebecca smiled. "We can't all be wrong, can we?"

 

Charity fidgeted dramatically. She was excited, nervous, happy and unsure all at once and she had no idea how to deal with it. So much so that she was having this conversation with Rebecca, of all people. "I can't ask her now though," she panicked, worrying at her bottom lip. "She's only just taken the other ring off!"

 

Rebecca shrugged. "It was an ugly ring anyway. Yours is much better." Charity just glared at her. "She'll definitely say yes."

 

Charity really hadn't been expecting that response and after a moment of uneasy silence she scoffed, loudly, remembering all of a sudden why she didn't mind keeping Rebecca around.

 

"Well come on," Rebecca continued, chirpy as anything. "She's waiting."

 

Charity shook her head as soon as Rebecca disappeared back down the hallway and then she looked down at her ring, again, closing her fist around it after a few seconds and then she nodded. "Right," she said as she took in a deep breath. "You can do this," she told herself firmly before she pushed the ring into her pocket and followed Rebecca downstairs.

 

When Charity walked into the bar her heart was going a mile a minute and she had to clench her hands into fists a few times to try and settle her nerves. It was ridiculous really, because she knew Vanessa inside and out, just as Vanessa knew her but somehow it felt new. She guessed it was, really. A new start for both of them and because of that this step felt monumental. She sucked in a breath and glanced around the bar and when she couldn't see Vanessa her heart sank, a little.

 

"Blimey," Chas said as she moved next to her, looking her over. "You look terrified."

 

Charity was even more anxious now. "Where is she?" she asked Chas as she looked around the bar again, just in case.

 

Chas scratched at the side of her face. "Well, strangest thing," she started as she held her hand out to her cousin, a key lying across her palm. "Said you'd be needing this and told me to tell you to get round there and let yourself in."

 

Charity frowned at the key before she took it from Chas, staring at it in confusion. "What?"

 

Chas smiled at her. "You heard me. Get round there," and then she nudged her with her shoulder. "I won't wait up."

 

**

 

In the time it took to walk from the pub to Vanessa's, Charity had almost convinced herself that Vanessa was going to tell her she'd changed her mind again. That she really was too much trouble and not worth the hassle. It was only that tiny, tiny voice in the back of her head that Vanessa had put there, quite frankly, that told her it would all be okay. Just get through the door and you'll see.

 

So Charity used her key and stepped over the threshold, taking a deep breath as she closed the door and forced herself to walk into the living room.

 

Vanessa was just standing there, just next to the kitchen table with an odd expression on her face. Somewhere between anticipation and trepidation and Charity had no idea how to feel about it.

 

"Hey," Charity breathed as she took herself toward the bottom of the stairs and then they both stood there staring at each other, as if they were teenagers on an awkward first date.

 

"Hi," Vanessa breezed back after a moment, her tone conveying an easiness she didn't feel. She was nervous, and she could see Charity was trying to work out what was going on.

 

It was only then when Charity took her eyes around the room as she was at a total loss as to what else to do, that she noticed the dim lighting, soft mood music, two places set at the table with an open bottle of fizz with two half filled glasses next to it. Charity's eyes lingered on the glasses for a few moments and came to the conclusion that Vanessa mustn't be about to end it so she felt a quick flush of relief.

 

She glanced back at Vanessa who was still grinning at her in that self-satisfied way she had, sometimes. "Are you okay?" Charity asked and if her voice was a little scratchy it was due to her anxiety.

 

"Yeah," Vanessa nodded brightly. "Yeah I'm fine. Are you?"

 

Small talk was not Charity's thing and so she raised her eyebrows, a little more confident now as she was sure this was a nice thing Vanessa was doing, not a heartbreaking thing. "Yeah if you tell me what's going on," she nodded with a small grin, her eyes going to the table again for a second. "I thought I was taking you out? I booked us a table at that place you like with the goats."

 

"Aw," Vanessa's face scrunched up, "I love that place."

 

"I know," Charity nodded. "Is why I booked it, babe."

 

"I erm, I changed my mind though," Vanessa hurried as she wiped her clammy palms on her thighs. She saw Charity's face drop. "I've been thinking."

 

"Oh?" Charity exhaled, the anxiety right back in her chest. She fidgeted a bit where she stood. "You've been thinking?"

 

Vanessa nodded her head.

 

Charity had to stop herself going for the door. She blinked and shook her head. "About what, babe?"

 

"Us," Vanessa replied breathily, gesturing between the two of them. "Me. You."

 

Charity tilted her head. "Well that is the definition of 'us', babe," she grinned and then pointedly looked down at the floor. "You've changed your mind about us?"

 

"No!" Vanessa stepped forwards, her palms going up in the air. "God no. I've told Johnny."

 

Charity looked back up and smiled still a little nervously. She nodded. "I know."

 

Vanessa grinned happily. "He's very excited."

 

Charity's nerves dissipated a bit. "Moses is too."

 

Vanessa's chest felt warm and the sensation started to roll through the rest of her body. "Is he?"

 

"Yeah. Everyone is. Noah even rang me after I text him." Charity rolled her eyes. "Noah never rings me."

 

Vanessa was feeling everything she used to, when standing opposite Charity a little bit shy and a lot overwhelmed. That's what she could do to her, send her emotions into meltdown and ignite that fire in her gut. "I can't wait to start things with you again," Vanessa whispered, and her eyes became a little shiny.

 

Charity felt her chest constrict as all of her nerves turned to excitement deep inside her belly. "Really?"

 

"Yes," Vanessa nodded, taking another step forwards. "And I've decided, no holding back."

 

Charity gazed down at her as she came to a stop in front of her and watched as Vanessa reached out an entwined their fingers. "What you mean?" Charity asked, and she felt a lump form in her throat.

 

Vanessa was staring at their hands, holding them as if it was the first time they'd ever done it. "I've always waited," she said softly, "for you to make the moves."

 

Charity was still non-the-wiser. She frowned although Vanessa didn't notice.

 

Finally Vanessa looked up and she had to blink rapidly to keep it all together. "Scared of scaring you, really," she admitted breathlessly, but then carried on quickly. "And it was fine. More than fine," she reassured her. "I was happy to let you take the lead, when you were ready."

 

Charity lolled her head to the side.

 

Vanessa became nervous then and her voice started to shake. "But I was talking earlier with Trace and, I realised maybe it's time that _I_ , took the lead." She swallowed and her chest heaved as she powered on. "I mean you were brave, kissing me like you did. Now I want to be brave."

 

Vanessa stared into Charity's eyes and all she saw there was love and utter devotion. She couldn't for the life of her in that moment understand why they broke up, or why they _stayed_ broken up. Charity was the only one for her and she knew it, but now she knew Charity felt the same way and as far as she was concerned, things couldn't happen quickly enough. They'd already wasted too much time as it was.

 

She took a deep breath and then pulled a ring out of her pocket, holding it up between them and she found Charity's eyes once more. Vanessa didn't think she'd been more nervous about anything in her life but this anticipation she felt, the electrifying intensity of it made her realise this was exactly what getting married should feel like.

 

"I have loved you since you stuck that fake moustache on me," she smiled, remembering. "Maybe even before, but that was when I looked at you and knew I'd fallen for you, completely."

 

Charity felt the lump in her throat triple in size. "Ness-"

 

"No let me," Vanessa interrupted, "please?" Vanessa continued when Charity nodded. "When I thought you didn't love me anymore I uhm, thought that was it," Vanessa gasped, trying not to remember what that was like. She shook her head. "That I'd lost my chance. I've never missed anyone like that, never cried so much in my entire life."

 

Charity had to blink as she felt the sting behind her eyes and then she looked down, making Vanessa tug on her hands.

 

"I thought if we could only be friends then that would have to do but," Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. "I want you to be my wife, Charity. That's the _only_ thing that'll do. I want our family back together and I want it official. I _love_ you more than it's possible to love anything, or anyone." She took another deep breath and braced herself. "Please, Charity, will you marry me?"

 

Charity's eyes were long since wet and her whole chest shuddered as she breathed in. She wasn't expecting this at all and she felt the ring she had burning a hole in her pocket. She smiled though, big and wide as she glanced up at the ceiling and then back at the woman she loved. Charity had her own speech all planned and had wanted to make Vanessa's heart skip a beat just like her own was right then. It didn't matter though, she realised, because the outcome was the same. She'd just have to save her speech for another time.

 

She had one in mind.

 

"Of course I will," Charity whispered in response, her heart thumping loudly in her chest.

 

Vanessa's grin couldn't be any bigger and she excitedly slipped the ring onto Charity's finger, her limbs practically shaking she was so tense.

 

"Come here," Charity whispered, and pulled Vanessa against her into a long, deep kiss.

 

Vanessa's arms wrapped around Charity's shoulders and she didn't think life could get any better than this. If she was the romantic type she'd say it was magical and... who was she kidding? She was totally the romantic type and this was the stuff of fairytales. She felt Charity's tongue graze along her lip and then she moaned, opening her mouth and falling completely under Charity's spell.

 

Charity kissed her with everything she had and everything she was letting herself feel again. It was perfect, and she dug her fingertips into Vanessa's lower back for dear life. She wanted her more than she could communicate and when Vanessa moaned into her mouth Charity thought she might lose it. She felt her blood boiling in her veins and as Vanessa pressed closer, their bodies connecting Charity had to pull back for air.

 

They rested their foreheads together, both of their eyes closed as they panted for breath.

 

Charity smiled though and she made sure she held firmly onto Vanessa's hips. "I completely and utterly adore you, Mrs. Dingle," she whispered, her heartbeat not calming down at all.

 

Vanessa beamed as she chuckled, the tingling she was feeling running all over her body. "You know," she whispered, not being able to meet Charity's gaze. "I've imagined being Mrs. Dingle _so_ many times."

 

Charity raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

 

"Mmm."

 

Charity licked her lips and pulled in a breath. "Well, funny you should say that, actually," she started, letting go of Vanessa's one hip so she could reach into her pocket and then she held up the ring she'd had for so long. "Looks like you beat me to it."

 

Vanessa gasped dramatically and stepped back, her hands going over her mouth.

 

Charity chuckled at her reaction and tried to catch Vanessa's eye. "So will you..."

 

"Yes! Oh my God yes!" Vanessa squeaked, even jumping up and down a few times. Her heart was absolutely pounding and she felt like crying all over again.

 

Charity grinned as she slipped the ring onto her finger, it fitting perfectly. She knew it would. She was pretty sneaky those few years ago when she found out Vanessa's ring size without having to ask her. She never thought it would take this long but, here they were, and Charity couldn't be happier.

 

Vanessa giggled as she examined the ring, so emotional and so happy she wasn't quite sure how to place herself. She kissed Charity quickly on the lips and then flung her arms around her neck, hugging her as tight as she possibly could.

 

Charity buried her face into Vanessa's neck and inhaled deeply. "So, wife to be," she said after a good few minutes and they pulled back from each other a little. "What now?"

 

Vanessa chewed on her lip. "Well if you don't take me upstairs and show me how much you want to be my wife then I'll err... be very disappointed."

 

Charity smirked wickedly and waggled an eyebrow. "Well, we can't have that, can we?" she said, her tone all deep and gravelly and smug.

 

Vanessa just shook her head and then Charity took her hand and lead her upstairs.

 

**

 

Vanessa lay there, spark out on her back, her hair splayed out around her on the pillows and her heart beating so hard it echoed throughout her whole body. She felt wiped out, the endorphins racing around her and making her muscles contract randomly.

 

Her eyes were closed and her smile was as goofy as it ever was, and her left hand lay under the covers clamped loosely in Charity's strong grip.

 

"Jesus," Vanessa whispered, as she felt Charity's tongue enter her again. "Charity..."

 

Her back arched quickly, still exceptionally sensitive from the previous two times and she pulled in a huge breath, her other hand moving down until she could grip Charity's hair between her fingers.

 

"Yes," Vanessa murmured, her heart thudding as her pulse picked up again and then she felt herself begin to shake, her thighs tensing as Charity's lips enclosed her clit and then she sucked, flicking her tongue back and forth mercilessly.

 

Vanessa's head pressed back hard into the pillows and she screamed Charity's name into the room around her as she tugged heavily on Charity's hair. "Oh my God," she wheezed after a moment or two, her chest heaving in as much breath as she could. She felt delirious and the fluttering in her chest was going crazy.

 

Charity smiled against Vanessa's thigh and reached up with her hand to encourage Vanessa's death grip on her hair to loosen, a little. She chuckled when Vanessa finally let go and then she made her way up her body, kissing her in places she knew would make Vanessa squirm.

 

When Charity emerged from under the duvet she blew her hair out of her face, leaning over a little on one elbow so she could move the strands out of her eyes properly.

 

Vanessa giggled as Charity struggled and then she brought her hands up to help her, running her fingers across Charity's forehead and down the sides of her face affectionately. She leaned forwards and placed a quick kiss on the tip of Charity's nose fondly.

 

Charity screwed up her face in response, a bit, and it made Vanessa laugh. "So, babe," Charity began, her usual swagger thick on her face. "Good as you remembered?"

 

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Better," she replied softly, cupping Charity's face gently, and then she swiped her thumb across her cheekbone. "Better than better," she whispered seriously, gazing at Charity with such affection it made Charity's heart jump into her throat.

 

Charity tried to swallow it but it really wasn't working. She licked her lips and felt her insides tremble.

 

"How about you?" Vanessa whispered, not just referring to the sex.

 

Charity nodded, her face a mere hairsbreadth from Vanessa's. She felt that warm, comfortable, content sensation all over and she quickly became emotional again. Her heart felt too big for her chest and she was amazed, certainly not for the first time how this tiny, blonde rocket woman could do this to her. She made everything disappear from the moment so there was only the two of them, gazing into each others' eyes, skin to skin, chest to chest, and Charity had never known anything more perfect. She loved her, and would never have the words to tell her. She knew Vanessa knew, though, and that was enough.

 

"It's exactly how I remember," Charity whispered, reaching up to grasp Vanessa's left hand and then she kissed her knuckle, just above her engagement ring. "It's perfect," and then she looked at her. "You're perfect," and then she kissed her soundly, wantonly and possessively. Like she never wanted to do anything else for the rest of her life.

 

When they pulled apart Vanessa was breathless and she smiled when Charity rested her forehead against hers. "It'll only be more perfect when we're married," she grinned, and it made Charity grin, too.

 

Charity kissed her again chastely. "Well, we best work on making you Mrs. Dingle then, hadn't we?"

 

Vanessa beamed, and her heart almost leaped out of her chest. "Mmmm," she murmured as her hands slid around Charity's neck, pulling her closer and then she kissed her back, longer and harder so that she could taste herself on Charity's tongue. It made the fire spark in her gut once again. "Maybe," she breathed hotly, pushing on Charity's shoulder so she could turn them over. "But first you're gonna lay right there and let me..." she dipped her eyes down Charity's body and then she waggled her eyebrows, a delicious smirk pulling on her lips.

 

It made Charity chuckle, Vanessa was _so_ cute when she couldn't actually say the words for what she wanted to do to her but then she quickly stopped when she felt Vanessa's lips close around her nipple. Her eyes fell closed as she pulled in a breath and Charity grinned widely, the happiness blooming in her chest and she knew this was it for the rest of her life and she would be damned if she'd let Vanessa go again.

 

**

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on [twitter](http://twitter.com/talented_gemx) | [tumblr](http://talentedgemx.tumblr.com) and please leave a comment if you wish, they are the things fanfic authors dream of ;)


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